Singaporeans Who Love BDSM

Over the past few years, BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/ Dominance & Submission/ Sado-Masochism) has gained more recognition among Singaporeans.

While Christian and Ana made the whole affair seem sexy in 50 Shades Of Grey, the movies played into negative BDSM stereotypes of abuse and control.

So what really is BDSM? From bare-handed spanking to whipping, these 8 Singaporean Millennials reveal what turns them on and reassure us they’re not the “controlling, manipulative sadists with damaging, traumatic pasts” the movies make them out to be.

1. “I enjoy pain.”

When I was 18, I stumbled across BDSM online and was aroused when I watched someone being whipped with a riding crop. I did some research and tried it with my then partner and my BDSM journey started from there.

Right now, I’m into impact play and enjoy whipping and using toys like nipple clamps. I know some people think if you like pain, you’re just a sadist.

But there is a difference between regular pain and erotic, sensual pain. Erotic pain is a wanted and controlled pain, which the receiver can stop with a ‘safe’ word.

Submitting all while knowing the pain comes from someone who is doing it for both our pleasure creates an extremely intense, intimate experience.
Amanda, 24

2. “BDSM allows me to engage fantasies which aren’t socially acceptable.”

I know it’s a bit controversial but I’m into rape play. I enjoy being ‘violated’, fighting back and having ‘no choice’.

For me, BDSM is about freedom and balance. When you’re reduced to nothing in the sexual space, you’re forced to be present and hyper-aware. By becoming less, you’re freeing yourself up mentally for a huge emotional and sexual release.

I understand how it can be shocking to people who aren’t into it, and how there’s a huge online debate on how it seems to be disrespecting and dismissing the validity of rape victims.

But ultimately, I know I’ll never bring this fantasy out of the bedroom. Terms and safety words are discussed in detail before a scene happens, and I’ve only done it with my long-term boyfriend who enjoys and desires the same scenario.
Kiara, 25

3. “Vanilla sex just doesn’t do it for me.”

Personally, I’m interested in degradation and rough sex with petite girls. Adopting a dominant role is natural, as it is synonymous with my career choices.

For me to get off, sex has to have a mixture of physical domination, restriction, and verbal humiliation. It all links back to the idea of being in control.

Contrary to what some people think, BDSM is not a phase. It’s more of a lifestyle, which is part of my life, and how I view myself sexually. I’ve tried regular, vanilla sex but it just doesn’t do it for me.
Alex, 34

4. “BDSM spices up my sex life.”

I’m into sensory deprivation so I like to blindfold and restrain my boyfriend. It started off trying female magazine tips to spice up our sex life and it opened up a whole new world for us.

As the dominant in the relationship, the feeling of power and the knowledge I ‘own’ someone during sex is what turns me on.

Contrary to what most people think, BDSM and fetishes are not the same. I don’t need certain objects to get off, and sometimes, slow, regular sex is just what I need.

But BDSM does give sex a boost and a greater thrill and enjoyment than what I would have otherwise.
Danielle, 26

5. “I enjoy the powerplay.”

I’m a dominant who enjoys rope play. Usually, my sub is blindfolded and tied up in an extremely vulnerable, exposed position when we have sex.

It’s a little different from being held down because when she’s tied up, she’s completely helpless and clueless about what comes next. The power I have over her and knowing she wholly trusts me gives me a thrill.

But of course, there is a lot of aftercare. We cuddle and talk about the sex to process what has happened, and I make sure she feels loved, safe and protected.
Julius, 26

6. “BDSM helps better communication between me and my partner.”

My boyfriend and I are into DDLG or Daddy Dom Little Girl and have incorporated it into our day-to-day lives.

My Daddy/caregiver gives me a set of rules and if I don’t follow them I’ll get punished with spankings, timeouts, or early bedtime. If I’m good, I get rewards like extra sweets or play time (aka sex).

When I’m in Little space, all my worries just vanish because my Daddy pampers and takes care of me by dealing with ‘big people problems’.

The nature of DDLG requires a lot of consent and trust. If I don’t like something, I’ll voice it out and we’ll have a discussion to reach compromise. These good communication habits translate outside of the bedroom and help us work out relationship problems easily.
Jennifer, 18

7. “BDSM helps me grow and push boundaries with my partner.”

My girlfriend and I have a sub-dom relationship in the bedroom. She’s dominant so I’m the one who gives into her commands.

Because she’s into voyeurism, sex becomes bolder when she has me submit to sex outdoors. The feeling of willingly giving into her commands is a constant experimentation of what I can or cannot take.

Together, we push the boundaries of our lovemaking beyond the vanilla, and sex becomes both a personal and sexual exploration.
Mark, 30

8. “BDSM is raw and helps me release my animalistic tendencies.”

Sex with my boyfriend has always been rough. Hair pulling, shoulder biting, scratching, and being pinned down; I let him be in control and he relishes it.

We almost always start with missionary and end with doggy style, because it allows him to take the reins. Not having control over my body and pleasure is a form of stress relief from the daily grind, and the sex takes on an almost animalistic nature.

Of course, he’s still careful with me so not to leave lasting marks, cuts or bruises. Sometimes he’ll leave a mark but it’s rare and always by accident. I’m still his princess and the rough play is kept in the bedroom.
Charlene, 23

Trying Out BDSM

At the crux, BDSM is characterised by participants consenting to and taking on complementary, but unequal roles and kinks can span a wide range.

If you’re looking to try out or are already practicing BDSM, it’s important to read up and learn about the practices you’re engaging in. Anything which causes harm to you or your partner or yourself isn’t healthy.

But just like with regular sex, safety and consent are extremely important. Explore, have an open mind, communicate and have fun!

 

Cover image: Source