The age-old saying goes, “A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they’ll fall for each other.”

Sometimes, one party develops feelings for the other but refuses to say a word because he/she doesn’t wish to “ruin” the friendship. Sometimes, both may fall for each other, but at the wrong time—or worse, end up in a ‘situationship’.

But even though some BFFs do find happy/sad endings after breaking out of the platonic friend zone, there are other guy-girl best friends who prove to us that it’s possible to remain “just friends” forever… or at least for now.

He wouldn’t be the groom—he’d be my bridesmaid

“I met my best friend, J, through my ex-boyfriend. We weren’t close until we went to Perth together. We bonded over brunch, weekend markets and everything in-between.

Now that we’re back in Singapore, we’re closer than ever. He’s usually the first person I’d text when anything happens. We make time for each other to catch up, talk about guys and girls, and send each other funny memes on Instagram.

Sad to say, he’s just not my type. I can see him standing in the church when I get married, except that he wouldn’t be the groom—he’d be my bridesmaid. I’ve become his bro while he has become my sis. Guess I’ve got my ex to thank!”
Vanessa, 25

We’re each other’s wingman and support system

“We met through an exchange programme in Secondary 4 when we went to Japan together.

I think potential boyfriends will wayang more, be nice to the girl 24/7, and accept everything they do. But this guy is the opposite—he’s sassy all the time and snaps at me if I do or say something stupid. He gives no-nonsense advice and doesn’t quite care if I take offence because it’s for my own good.

He’s also used to my period-induced whines and snarky comments when I don’t approve of the girl he’s wooing. Maybe we’re not each other’s type because we know too much dirt about each other! So we’re just each other’s wingman and support system.”
Annadine, 19

We can be as lupsup as we want to be

“I knew her in junior college but we only became super tight after graduation. Initially, I was interested in her until I realised she’s too gullible for me, and that we’re better off as bros. Unlike showy relationships, I’ve zero urge to tell the world about my friendship with her.

We shared our first cigarette at the airport, but we didn’t know how to smoke properly so we ended up being comic relief for a group of Indonesian tourists. We’re very similar in our views and I know she won’t judge me for anything I do. We can be as lupsup as we want around each other and that’s true friendship.”
Johnny P, 21

He self-invites himself for dinner at my house

“I’ve known my best friend for five years as we lived in Shanghai at the same time. We barely text if at all, but I know he’ll be there when I need him. He’s very rational, has a good listening ear, and is non-judgmental. He’s also a part of my family because he probably talks to my mum more than I do. Sometimes he shows up to dinner without me knowing!

Our friendship has no drama whatsoever, and because he’s gay, our relationship is 100% platonic. Whenever he introduces me to his friends, he calls me his sister.”
Jing En, 19

We have our own relationships but he’s always there

“I met my best friend in tuition class when we were 15 but I had already heard of him by then because of his embarrassing story my friend told me about. He DM-ed me on Twitter and as time went on, I realised I could tell him anything. We just know what’s on each other’s minds at one glance. We even have our own handshake and several nicknames. We love each other’s company, but we could never think of each other romantically because it’s just too weird.

Now we’re 19 and in our own relationships, but he’s always there. He looks after me when we party and reminds me that he cares even when he’s cooped up in Pasir Laba to serve the nation.”
Jiaying, 19

Also read:

Singaporean Girl Explains Why There Is No Shame In Making The First Move, Shares Relationship Advice

Our future homes are near each other

“We met because we lived in the same estate with plenty of mutual friends around the area. Even though he’s boyfriend material, I’d never date him because there’s never that spark between us.

To me, he’s just a brother. When I got my license, he taught me how to drive and park in the multi-storey car park. He also taught me how to play the guitar and gave me one of his two guitars.

Even though we only meet once every two months now because of our busy schedules, I know we’ll always be there for each other. Our future homes are pretty close to each other too, so it’s nice knowing he’ll always be close by.”
Maryann, 24

Dating him would be like dating my brother 

“We were classmates in junior college. Our very first encounter was during our first class break when everyone was getting to know each other. He was sitting opposite me so we started making small talk.

He asked me what music I liked and before we knew it, we were bonding over obscure indie bands. He’s my best friend because we’ve so much in common. But dating him would be like dating my own brother.”
Gwen, 19

He knows all my guy history

“I’ve known him since I was 12. At first, we were distant friends because he had a crush on me and I wasn’t into him at all. But once he got over it, we became super close friends especially when I moved back to Singapore.

He’s the only person who knows all my guy history, and we think so similarly that he doesn’t ask me for advice because he knows exactly what I’ll say. I may not see him as often when we’re in different countries, but when we visit each other, it’s as if nothing has changed.

We’ve seen each other through our break ups and we both know we’re not each other’s type so it’ll never work out.”
Jenn, 21

Conversations aren’t different, be it at 12pm or 3am

“We met in church but I forgot how we became close. I think it was through our mutual friend (pictured above), so now three of us are super tight.

We’re like bros—so close to the point that I know everything about him especially when it comes to girls. There’s no hidden meaning or difference between talking at 12pm or 3am. We don’t have to talk all the time to know that we care about each other. We’re also real with each other; we won’t sugarcoat our opinions when either one of us makes stupid mistakes.”
Peps, 22

I can even crash his place for a month

“Once, my best friend and I were joking about how close yet platonic we were, when he said, “Yeah I guess you’re my best bro“. As stupid as it sounds, the phrase stuck with me.

We connect on an emotional level: he’s seen me cry and we have dealt with each other’s incessant scoldings. He was even there for me when I needed a place to stay for a month. Now when I look back at all the letters I’ve received throughout college, his name appears the most.

Although we’re extremely similar, our personalities clash, which is probably why we’d never get together. We may piss each other off on a regular basis, but we’re always there for each other through thick and thin.”
Eunice, 19

Platonic Best Friends

True friends are few and far between, so if you find a friend who will be there for you through the thick and thin, don’t let them go!

This article was first published on 4 May 2017 and last updated on 30 December 2023. 

Also read:

Hook-Up Culture: 4 People In Singapore Spill The Tea On What Goes Down After “DTF?” On Dating Apps

The post Can Best Friendships Remain Platonic? 10 Guy-Girl BFFs Tell Us Their Stories appeared first on ZULA.sg.

We all know the saying, “You don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone.” But what if he/she was the right person—at the wrong time in life?

It might have been an instant connection or a special bond that grew over time, but the harsh truth is that it’s over. Perhaps we were too young and foolish to cherish what we had, and now that we’ve grown up, we sometimes find ourselves wondering if things could’ve worked out if we’d met some time later.

To understand those who have loved and lost, we spoke to 10 Singaporean millennials and here’s what they said.

*Some names were changed to protect identities

We’d probably be saving up for our wedding by now

We went our separate ways after I left Australia to return to Singapore after graduating. I didn’t know how to cherish him despite his efforts to make me the happiest person in the world.

He was everything that I wanted in a husband—hard working, humble, never too proud to apologise, and filial. Had I stayed in his home country, we’d probably be saving up for our wedding now. He wouldn’t have let our relationship crumble because I meant that much to him. My loss.
Valerie, 25

7 years later, she left out of the blue

We were best friends for six years, and a couple for seven. She was my first girlfriend. She had a messed up family background and grew up bottling all her problems, which eventually made her cold. One day, she packed her bags and left without any warning.

We lived together and I was ready to marry her—if money wasn’t an issue. I had planned to work for another two years before proposing. But shortly after, I discovered she had another man behind my back. It killed me but I accepted it even though I still love her.
Chris, 27

I stopped trusting people by the time I met him

He’s the one I fell the hardest for because we had a connection like no other. We were best friends before we started dating and we thought we were “the one” for each other back then.

However, I brought forward my emotional baggage from my previous relationship. I had a hard time trusting him and we’d argue non-stop. Although I thought we were strong enough, he reached his limit and couldn’t take it anymore.

I’ve already moved on but he’ll always have a special place in my heart.
Alyssa, 23

We were too young, insecure and idealistic

We were 16 when we met. I spent my entire teenagehood with him, even in the same school. However, things fell apart when we grew older because we had different directions in life.

Sometimes we mistook each other’s actions as signs of “not caring” because we were young, insecure and idealistic. Although our love was real, we couldn’t accept the ways we dealt with our problems/pain. It was always about proving ourselves to each other.

Today, we’re somewhat friends; we trust each other with our problems but I have to remind myself to keep a distance. I’ve learnt that over-thinking kills more relationships than problems do.
Yan, 24

We were too similar and too stubborn

We were too similar and too stubborn; we always wanted to be heard and the other to give in. Until one day, I stopped giving in—not because I stopped loving him, but because I had to start loving myself more. But the joy I felt with him was unparalleled; we had a special bond between us.

When we broke up, there was this awful feeling I’d never felt before—no pain ever came close to that. I think we were just too young and didn’t know how to sustain a stable relationship.
Sasha, 25

After I dated more people, I realised how special he was

He was in NS and I had just entered university. I was distracted by all the new people and new experiences I had, that I left him behind.

After I dated more people, I realised nobody else make me feel the way he did. I tend to compare every guy I date to him, which makes me impose high expectations on them. I cry myself to sleep thinking of him and how I can’t go back because I’m the one who broke his heart.
Jenny, 24

We didn’t want to ruin the memories

I was living in the US then. We broke up because I had to fly back to Singapore to enlist in the army. In a warped way, we chose to preserve the good memories by breaking up over the phone instead of seeing us struggle with a long-distance relationship.

She had it all: beauty, brains, the kindest heart. I’ll always be comparing every girl to her.
Brian, 20

He never spoke to me again after he drunkenly confessed

We were best friends for three years. Back then, I never confessed that I liked him and he got together with someone else.

A year later, they broke up and he drunkenly confessed to having feelings for me at a party. I told him I wasn’t interested anymore just to test him but after that night, he never spoke to me again. Even when I tried to initiate conversations, it would end awkwardly.

He was my best friend but for some reason, he chose to walk away. I still regret that it didn’t work out.
Agnes, 23

I wanted to try again but she was already interested in someone else

She’s the one who got away because she was my first lesbian girlfriend. Before her, I used to date guys but my feelings for them were never as deep as they were for her.

As time passed, I started to have more commitments. She was understanding initially but soon, she got annoyed with my schedule. She was unhappy that I was working more, even though that was the only way I could get extra income for us.

Eventually, I got tired of our arguments so I asked for a breakup, and did whatever I could to make sure lost feelings for me. When she finally let go, I wanted to give the relationship another shot…but she was already interested in someone else.
JJ, 22

The shot I never took

I was invited to a party once and had too much to drink that I passed out. When I woke up, I was on his bed while he was on the floor. From there, we formed an unlikely friendship and had an instant connection that I never experienced with any guy, even after him.

He made me laugh like no one else, and he’d always sit quietly with me when I had troubles to sort through. It was as if I’d known him my whole life despite only knowing him for months. We both knew we had feelings for each other but neither of us acted on it, probably because he was migrating overseas.

On the day I sent him off at the airport, he sent me a message from the plane thanking me for being his friend, and for accepting him for who he was. I hid in one of the toilet cubicles and cried for an hour, and for the following evening. I’d be lying if I said I don’t compare the guys I date to him because I’ve never felt as special a connection since.
Kelly, 27

Moving On 

If there’s anything positive we can take away from this tear-jerker, it’s that the people who have touched our lives never really leave us. After everything, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

The post We Asked 10 Singaporean Millennials About The One That Got Away appeared first on ZULA.sg.

There are some people we instantly connect with, some we keep in our “what if” circle, and some we would never date in a million years.

However, being in the friend zone doesn’t mean that you’re “unworthy” or anything “less” than a boyfriend. It just means that you can be the juiciest slab of salmon belly, but she’ll still pick pizza over you simply because you’re not her favourite cuisine.

While everyone knows that the main reason for rejection is usually due to the lack of “feelings”, not many will ever discover the hundred other micro reasons girls can have. To find out, we asked 20 Singaporean girls to tell us what made them part the red sea between “boy” and “friend”.

He kept sucking up to my mum 

He was really sweet but I think he tried too hard. He’d suck up to my mum and call her “mama”, which is weird as hell ’cause even I don’t call her that. Plus, he didn’t like my dog.
Kat, 23

He didn’t make me feel safe

He became that guy who would listen to me talk about other guys. I was more interested in seeing other people and weighing my options. He was also quite negative and grumbled a lot—I’m the type of person who feeds off the other person’s energy, so I didn’t like that. He didn’t give me the feeling that I was safe.
Jiaxing, 27

I doubt he really knew all of me

He was nice, but it felt as if his niceness wasn’t genuine—he didn’t even know who I was inside and he was already interested in me. Where’s the logic in that?
Penelope, 25

He was too petty/clingy

He was very petty. He would get upset whenever he felt that I hadn’t talked to him in a while. He even wrote me a rap song about that once. *shudders*
Amanda, 23

He got damn clingy even though I wasn’t his girlfriend. He expected me to tell him my whereabouts all the time and got angry when I didn’t.
Priya, 19

He was clingy to the extent that it felt as if he forced his ideas on me. When I was going abroad to study, he forced me to attend a farewell party with a group of people I wasn’t even close to, just because he wanted to have a farewell. After I left, he wrote me a letter telling me how disappointed he was with me.
Beatrice, 27

Couldn’t see a practical future

To me, a future means getting married and marriage is more about practicality than an emotional bond. We didn’t have the same goals in life, so I just didn’t see that happening between us.
Sana, 19

He didn’t have his own backbone

He went along with every opinion I had, liked everything I liked, and basically let me step all over him. I couldn’t stand how he couldn’t stand up for himself.
Jaime, 20

He wasn’t a genuinely nice person

He was not a very nice person. He’d be really nice to me, but you could tell from the way he treated others that he was not inherently kind, and I just couldn’t roll with that.
Kim, 24

Beneath his dapper suit and pretty face, I knew he was just a “man-child”. He’d claim credit for every insignificant gesture and rattle on about all his financial/academic achievements in life without noticing how bored I was.
Tams, 24

Couldn’t picture us in bed

I couldn’t imagine us banging for the rest of our lives due to the lack of physical chemistry. If there’s no sexual attraction, my engine will not start.
Lynn, 24

Couldn’t see him as a good dad

I didn’t see him as the potential father to my children because someone can be a great boyfriend, but a terrible family man. And at the end of the day, every relationship will lead to a breakup or marriage, so you might as well think about it carefully at the start.
Chrys, 30

He’s a F***kboi

TBH, I had the vibe that he was an fboy. That doesn’t bother me as your friend, but if you think you can play games with me, you’ve got to check yourself.
Vivian, 22

Although he confessed his feelings to me, he’ll always remain as a close friend because he’s a player. Being with him would be messy. No matter how much he says he loves someone, his heart will easily move on.
Christine, 24

No romantic feelings 

I rejected him because I had no romantic feelings for him. Even though he’s attached now, he still gets salty when he sees things related to my crush on social media.
Inez, 19

He’s immature at times, we can’t connect on an emotional level, and I’m just not attracted to him.
Eli, 25

He’d interrogate me about my crushes

He was like a brother to me and I couldn’t see him in a romantic way. Also, he would interrogate me about what I saw in the guy I was interested in and rant about how that guy wasn’t good enough.
Shaniqua, 22

He didn’t understand boundaries

We weren’t very close, but we were friends. One night when we were partying, he assumed he could take advantage of the situation because I’d had a few drinks. He tried to hold my hand and act like we had that kind of relationship. It’s always a bad sign when someone doesn’t understand boundaries.
Helen, 25

I didn’t want to mess up our friendship

We met in a club and became close friends, but we never put a label on things. We were good together, but nothing progressed even though we both knew we had feelings for each other. I guess on one hand I knew he was moving to Australia shortly, so I didn’t want to mess up a perfectly good friendship over it.
Kit, 28

He was the husband-material kind of good guy; extremely smart, disciplined, well groomed, etc. As friends, we clicked. But I knew he wasn’t able to handle my mental issues if I were to get comfortable with him. Rejection hurts, but relationships can hurt far more.
Lisa, 26 

Just Friends

Source

Every girl has a different story to tell, but the gist remains: don’t try to force your way out of the friend zone. It’s better to keep a good friendship than to lose everything when you put too much pressure on the other party.

The post The Friendzone: 20 Singaporean Millennial Girls Explain Why They Left Him There appeared first on ZULA.sg.