Growing up, I was never the kind of girl who would spend time with my girlfriends discussing my dream wedding. I didn’t give much thought to whether I’d eventually get married in the first place, let alone what my dream wedding would look like.

But then life happened, I met the right guy, and suddenly I was tasked with planning what was apparently the most important event of my life.

Thus, my wedding research began. Small receptions in hipster cafes or atas fine dining restaurants were trending. Outdoor solemnisations were also popular, and there were many unique wedding venues that caught my eye.

Of course, I also did my homework on the typical big hotel wedding.

This piece is a submission by Germaine Tan.

Why I hate big hotel weddings

In Singapore, the Chinese have a longstanding culture of holding big wedding banquets in a hotel to celebrate the union of a couple.

Hate is a strong word, but if you had to sit through almost 10 wedding banquets in 1 year (like I once did), each with the same programme, you would understand how I feel.

Given a choice between holding a big hotel wedding versus an intimate cafe reception, I would much prefer the latter. Not just because of how boring the former is, but also considering the sheer amount of planning involved.

In order to hold a big hotel wedding, you first need to find a hotel. You’ll be spoilt for choice but also limited by your own budget. It is a tough decision because even though it’s a milestone event, do you really want to spend so much more on a prettier ballroom at the expense of a smaller budget for your renovation?

These hotels usually require you to commit to a minimum number of tables to secure a date. On average, they need at least 20-30 tables. While it’s not an uphill task to invite about 200-300 guests, how many of these guests would you really know on a personal level?

With this huge number of guests comes another truckload of issues.

I’ve heard horror stories of guests who cannot coexist on the same side of the ballroom. You’ll have to put together tables of 10 while making sure all your guests are happy with the people at the same table. Yet, to prevent wasting any seats, you will have to break up some groups of friends. These are all awkward situations that conflict-averse me would like to avoid to the best of my ability.

Also read:

Why Attending Weddings In Singapore Feels More Sian Than Happy

Why I had to do it

Growing up in a Singaporean Chinese family, there are some cultural traditions you know you just have to follow.

Even though I never dreamed about what my wedding would look like, my dad would always talk about how he imagined himself walking me down the aisle. As an only child, whatever decision I made for my wedding would also be the only experience my parents would ever have of the event.

I was brought up in a close-knit family and often joined my parents for their friends’ gatherings. If I’d decided on an intimate cafe reception, I’m sure my parents would have been all for it. However, that would also mean that all the uncles and aunties who saw me through my childhood would not be able to witness and grace the celebration.

On the other hand, my husband is the eldest son and grandson in his family. The pressure was also on us to make sure we abided by every tradition to set a good example for the rest of the kids.

In the end, a lot of it comes down to respecting your elders. After all, the union of a couple is not just of two people, but of two families.

We agreed that it was more important to make this day special for the elders and that we could make it special for ourselves in other ways.

The solemnisation

My husband and I with the solemniser at Brunches Café

Having researched so much on cafe receptions, I really wanted one for myself.

After much deliberation, we decided to break up our wedding into two segments: the solemnisation and the wedding banquet.

We organised a small reception with just our parents and close friends at Brunches Café. It was held on a Tuesday evening and consisted of a solemnisation followed by a dinner reception.

It was such a cosy and memorable event that, for a moment, I felt like we could even do without the wedding banquet.

The wedding banquet

Our wedding banquet set-up

We thought hard about how to make the wedding interesting yet memorable for our guests and, more importantly, our parents.

I knew it was my dad’s dream to walk me down the aisle. Since we didn’t have a church wedding, I included that segment in the wedding banquet. After my bridesmaids had walked in, my father walked me down the aisle as I was singing “From This Moment On” by Shania Twain. He handed me over to my husband, who was waiting in the middle of the aisle. It was a nerve-wracking yet sweet moment. Both my dad and my husband became very emotional, which was unexpected since we had rehearsed it many times before the actual day.

The Muttons were our emcees for the night

During most weddings, there is often a lull period when the couple goes to change their attire. The guests will mingle and catch up with friends. If they do not know the people at their table, they’ll probably be on their phones. We really did not want this for our guests, so we decided to engage The Muttons as our emcees. We kept it a secret until the day itself and our guests were shocked to see them enter the ballroom. The Muttons also played table games with our guests and we even had small prizes for the winners.

On our second march-in, I organised a flash mob to surprise our parents. My friends stood up from their tables, singing Josh Groban’s “You Raise Me Up” while walking towards the VIP table. In their hands were Bloombox flowers for our mothers and a bottle of Carlsberg beer for our fathers. The tagline on the bottles had been changed to: “Probably the best Dad in the world”. My husband and I marched in after my friends sang the last verse of the song. Caught by surprise, our parents were in tears after the performance.

Why I Never Wanted A Big Hotel Wedding But I Did It Anyway

As much as it was a pain to have planned a big hotel wedding, everything turned out well for us that night. I might have been reluctant to do it initially, but hearing the laughter from our guests and seeing the smiles on our parents’ faces made all the effort worthwhile.

This article was first published on 31 July 2019 and last updated on 30 April 2024. 

Also read:

Wedding Costs: Singaporeans Share What Their Biggest Waste Of Money Was

Cover photo: Source

The post Why I Never Wanted A Big Hotel Wedding But I Did It Anyway appeared first on ZULA.sg.

When I was in primary school, I took to Disney movies with good-looking princes and princesses who fell in love and lived happily ever after. I grew enamoured with charming protagonists in chick flicks who—after countless obstacles—ended up with the man of their dreams.

Compounded by the books and Korean dramas I consumed as a teenager, I was very much a hopeless romantic.

While I never openly discussed these feelings with my friends, I often fantasised about the person I would fall for and eventually marry.

The bucket list I drafted when I was 18, detailing some of the things I wanted to experience in my lifetime

Since then, I’ve had multiple crushes, numerous heartbreaks and am now in an ongoing relationship—all in the hopes of finding ‘the One’ to spend the rest of my life with.

As a result of these experiences, many of the romantic ideals I had previously clung to fiercely, started to mellow over the years.

The younger me would have wanted an elaborate wedding in a Roman Cathedral, a sparkly white gown, gorgeous décor and hundreds of guests. However, the me now questions if that’s truly necessary.

While I’ve not entirely given up on the fantasy of a fairytale ending, I’ve come to realise that there’s more than one way to get married.

I’d rather spend on the honeymoon and home

Weddings in Singapore aren’t a cheap affair, especially when it’s often viewed as a measure of one’s affluence and standing in life.

For middle-class Chinese Singaporeans, it’s almost a given for wedding banquets to be held at a hotel or high-end restaurant.

The average cost can range between $30,000 to $50,000, with extravagant ceremonies scaling over $100,000.

This doesn’t include other expenses such as the price of the bridal package, wedding bands and wedding photography, adding up to thousands more.

As a millennial who’s likely to be stuck with an entry-level income for the next few years, this is an exorbitant sum I’d rather forfeit.

While I’m certain my parents would be more than willing to chip in for the wedding, I’d rather spend the money on my honeymoon or home renovations.

Weddings aren’t only for the couple

While some might love being able to walk down the aisle and have googly-eyed friends and extended family gawk at them, I’d prefer to have a more intimate celebration with my immediate family and a few close friends.

Both my partner and I are introverts. The thought of attending a large-scale social event with guests we barely know makes us uncomfortable.

It’s also in my personality to overthink. A wedding would cause me to over-analyse anything and everything—from the photographer and music played, right down to the flavour of cake I’d have.

Stressing over even the tiniest detail out of place could possibly occur and take the enjoyment out of my special day immensely.

Also read:

Photographer For A Marriage Proposal — 7 Girls Share Why They’re For Or Against Having One

Respect for the older generation

More than just a popular tradition or rite of passage, weddings aren’t just a celebration of two people who have chosen to love and commit to each other for life.

Many couples in Singapore choose to have a wedding out of respect for their elders. As such, many decisions made about the wedding would be made in their consideration, from the tea ceremony style to the amount of dowry.

As much as I love my family, I don’t fancy the idea of having to invite people out of obligation. Neither do I want to have to worry about the people who may feel slighted if they don’t receive an invitation.

Having overheard all the buzz and chatter at wedding receptions I’ve attended, no matter how beautiful the wedding, tongues may wag.

If you look fat in your dress or if you don’t have the right menu options, you could be judged by the attendees. The thought of being the subject of all this unwanted talk makes me shudder.

Marriage takes place in the heart

Source

Though a wedding is a wonderful, memorable, once-in-a-lifetime experience for most, it’s not a prerequisite to marriage.

As quoted by Barbara De Angelis, “The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue.”

“It’s a choice you make not just on your wedding day, but over and over again—and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.”

At the end of the day, if you prefer a grand ceremony, go for it. Ultimately, what determines the success of a marriage is commitment, love, forgiveness, trust and mutual support, among a host of other things.

This post was first published on 29 August 2017 and last updated on 29 September 2023.
Cover image: Source

Also read: 

5 Married SG Couples Share How Giving Their First Date A Second Shot Led To Marriage

The post The BTO Talk: Why A Pricey, Huge Wedding Ceremony Isn’t For Me appeared first on ZULA.sg.