In a relationship, it’s easy to devote most of your life to your partner. You start to spend more time with each other, and your lives begin to mesh together. However, it’s crucial to remember that even if you love them and can see a future with them, setting boundaries in the relationship is extremely important. 

A recent post by  @jingyii on Lemon8 gained a fair amount of traction for highlighting the telltale signs that one’s relationship has unhealthy boundaries. In the post, she shares that healthy boundaries are crucial in a relationship to ensure trust and emotional respect. However, it’s also important to identify the red flags present in your relationship’s dynamics. Here are 7 signs that indicate that your relationship has unhealthy boundaries.

1. Lack of personal space 

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Once we find “the one”, it’s understandable to want to spend time with them constantly. However, Jingyi emphasises that spending time with your friends and having personal days is still healthy so your identity doesn’t get completely tied up with being in a relationship.

Jingyi warns that disregarding the need for personal space may lead to feelings of suffocation in the relationship. 

2. Sexual coercion 

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Has your partner ever forced you into doing something that you aren’t comfortable with sexually? If they have, it’s a sign of unhealthy boundaries. 

If they disregard your sexual boundaries, it’s a sign that they do not respect your personal needs and wants. At the end of the day, you should remember that consent is the most important thing to respect while in a relationship.

3. Highly dependent on each other

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Similar to the point about a lack of personal space, being highly dependent on your partner can do more harm than good. Yes, it’s nice to have a companion to do even the most mundane things but if you do everything together, you may lose your sense of independence. 

Jingyi also mentions that if you and your partner are overly dependent on each other, it may result in one party feeling inadequate without the other’s reassurance, and feeling burdened in the relationship. 

Also read: 

16 Singaporean Girls Reveal Their Greatest Fears in Relationships

4. Emotional abuse

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Even though it’s not physical, abuse is still abuse. Emotional abuse can sometimes be more difficult to acknowledge than its physical equivalent because it’s not as obvious. This could be done through insults or humiliation, or even through gaslighting, where your partner manipulates you to change your perception of things. 

Jingyi shares that emotional abuse can result in being undermined or guilt-shamed by your partner, which is definitely a sign that boundaries have been crossed. 

5. Control and manipulation 

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Jingyi mentions that control and manipulation can come in many forms, such as controlling what you wear, who you can see, and what you can do. While these are just a few examples, there are a lot of other forms of subtle manipulation. 

If you’ve experienced this, it could lead to a loss of self-esteem and confidence. 

6. Inability to say no 

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Do you find yourself saying yes to every single one of your partner’s requests? If you’re guilty of this, it’s another sign of unhealthy boundaries. You shouldn’t be afraid to say no, even if it may cause your partner some discomfort or harm. 

If you do keep saying yes, Jingyi warns that you may feel some resentment towards your partner for your lack of autonomy, as well as being emotionally overwhelmed. 

7. Financial control 

Source 

When planning your future together, it can be essential to track your finances to make sure you don’t indulge in impulse buys and overspend on unnecessary things. However, there is a fine line between doing that and obsessively tracking each other’s finances, which can signify a lack of boundaries. 

Jingyi mentions that when one party is put in control of all the finances, it can lead to an imbalance in power, which ultimately leads to financial insecurity for the other party.

How can you tell you have unhealthy relationship boundaries

Jingyi showed us some tell-tale signs of unhealthy boundaries in a relationship. If any of these signs sound familiar, speak to your partner about reinforcing your boundaries, or step away from the relationship if it’s no longer a space that can be safe for you.

Also read: 

How We Planned A $600 Budget Solemnisation To Save Money After Buying A Flat

Cover Image: Source, Source

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In every relationship, disagreements are bound to happen. Arguments are hard because more often than not, we’re too entrenched in our own opinions to listen to one another. Couple fights often end with one party throwing their metaphorical (or physical) hands up in exasperation and reluctantly conceding, while the triumphant victor flounces off with the classic phrase “I told you so.”

I’m the type to find every way to prove that I’m right. I only noticed this when my boyfriend cautiously mentioned that it seemed like I always had to win an argument, and would stop at no end to decimate the other party to prove myself right. Because of my aggressive argument style, he never wanted to bring up any contentious topics, as he knew he’d never win—or get through to me, for that matter. That’s when I realised that I needed to be more compromising, so I wouldn’t make his opinion feel unwarranted and unimportant.

I realised there were recurring patterns that resulted in a healthy compromise and here’s what I learnt.

Don’t argue when you’re emotional at 2am

It’s tempting to feed your emotions when the world sleeps and your mind wanders. But remember, almost nothing ever gets settled at 2am. When anger and frustration blind rational thought, you may say mindless things you don’t mean. In a vengeful state, spiteful words are said to get them where it hurts the most. The fleeting satisfaction gained from “winning” a fight is dampened when it ends, as we realise that we wounded the other party in the heat of the moment. Thinking and articulating calmly and clearly during a disagreement goes a long way. You’ll be able to rationalise, and come to a conclusion in a mature fashion without hurting someone else.

Watch your body language

When you’re defensive, your body language mimics that. Arms crossed, body turned away from the speaker, fists clenched—these are all tell-tale signs. The person you’re talking to will pick up on that and feel on edge. When you both get defensive, nothing will be resolved. Instead, face your partner, maintain eye contact, and keep your arms by your side. This will foster a more open and honest conversation.

Listen to each other

When both parties stop listening to one another, disagreements escalate into arguments. When we’re determined to prove a point, we forget to think from the our partner’s point of view. Since we haven’t been blessed with mind-reading abilities, listening is the only way for us to understand where they’re coming from. By showing that we’re paying attention to our SO, we assure them that their feelings matter to us. Reaffirming the person’s worth to you creates a positive environment, leading to a positive resolution.

Also read:

I Left The Love Of My Life And Bought A One-Way Ticket To Barcelona

Shutting yourself off is only a temporary solution

Sometimes, we may shut ourselves off, thinking it’d make our problems go away. But everyone, be it your mother or magazine advice column, will stress how important communication is in a relationship. As someone who doesn’t like to talk about how she feels, I know how big a difference it makes when you’re able to communicate your feelings to others. By sharing how you feel, you can help the other party empathise. Once you both establish how you feel about the situation, it’d be easier for you to compromise and come to a common consensus.

Leave the passive-aggression behind

This is a personal problem of mine. Growing up with parents that are very passive-aggressive, I tend to use passive-aggression as a method of defence. However, this tends to get very hurtful, as you indirectly target their weaknesses, and drag separate problems into the equation. This escalates into a full-blown fight, which no one wants. Instead, be direct and frank, but tactful. Consider the other person’s feelings, but get straight to the point so you can get to the root of the issue.

Let your ego go

I saved the best for last. Truly, the biggest challenge is to put your ego away. When your ego is bruised, you’ll start to see things more from “I” instead of “Us”. However, the Rolling Stones sang, “You can’t always get what you want”. Compromise involves a give and take: sometimes you’ll be the one giving more, other times, you’ll be the one taking more. Like the rest of the song goes, “but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need”.

Learning to Compromise

There’s no healthy relationship if two parties can’t compromise…unless your only true love is food. Without it, emotional energy gets drained, time gets wasted, and resentment may build between you. But if you play fair, you’ll both end up much happier, which is more important than always being right.

This article was first published on 1 February 2017 and last updated on 7 April 2024. 

Also read:

We Are More In Love With The Idea Of Love Than The Person We Are With

The post All Couples Fight, Here’s How I Learnt To Fight Fairly appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Taylor Swift is many things. Singer. Cat lover. Easter egg enthusiast. But perhaps her most talented trait lies in her songwriting, which unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’d know have made headlines for her re-recorded album Red (Taylor’s Version). In particular, her 10-minute version of “All Too Well” – a slow-burning, heart-wrenching mid-tempo recollection about her fleeting 2011 romance with actor Jake Gyllenhaal.

Alongside the album, Taylor also dropped a self-directed short film to accompany what is arguably her magnum opus, starring Dylan O’Brien and Sadie Sink. In it, they recount what we assume is the build-up and breakdown of Taylor’s tumultuous relationship, with detailed and relatable scenes that remind us that any of us could go through the same devastation she experienced ourselves.

Here are 5 “red” flags in any relationship, based on Taylor’s lyrics from the song. And no, not returning the scarf isn’t the worst thing he did. 

1. When they don’t admit their feelings

“And I was thinking on the drive down, any time now
He’s gonna say it’s love, you never called it what it was”

The first tell-tale red flag that Taylor realises is when she’s been anticipating him to say the “L” word, only for him to remain tight-lipped on the status of their relationship. Most of us would know this… all too well, considering how it’s always a risk to be the first one to say “I love you”.

But if someone takes your relationship seriously, they wouldn’t feel ashamed to admit it – whether it’s whispering those words in your ear or shouting it aloud outdoors. Here, Taylor reminds us to keep this in mind, especially for budding romances. 

2. When they compare you to others

“You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine
And that made me want to die”

Jake was around 30 years old when he dated 20-year-old Taylor. And that 10-year gap is addressed front and center in the song. While age gaps can be a non-factor for some relationships, it becomes an issue when it’s brought up in comparison with others. Taylor’s lyrics suggest that her youth was used as a weapon against her in her case, which is a definite no-no from a potential partner.

In fact, one shouldn’t even be compared to other people in a relationship whatsoever, and if you’ve been the victim of such situations yourself, perhaps it’s a hint to run.

Fun fact: Taylor’s wine glass in the scene is full as she was not yet the legal age of 21 to drink alcohol back then – another one of her Easter eggs to emphasise her age difference with Jake. 

3. When they gaslight you

“Well, maybe we got lost in translation
Maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece
‘Til you tore it all up”

A pivotal scene in the short film is a one-take of an argument following a dinner with the guy’s friends. Taylor feels rejected, after the guy “doesn’t look at her” and “lets go of her hand” during the dinner. But we watch as “Jake” flips the narrative on her, saying that she was behaving “selfish” which makes her doubt her reality.

It’s a typical gaslight scenario many of us have undoubtedly been a part of before, consciously or not. And as the wise words we should abide by for a relationship goes: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. 

Also read:

11 Lesser-Known Facts About Taylor Swift To Test How Much Of A Diehard Swiftie You Really Are

4. When they have different expectations of who you are

“The idea you had of me, who was she?
A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you”

There comes a point in the song around the midway mark where Taylor questions if the idea the guy had of her was completely off-tangent to who she really was. “Never needy, ever lovely”, she assumes. But she’s only human, as we all are, and nobody’s perfect.

Similarly, it’s only natural to build expectations of our partners as the relationship progresses. But even when we let them down, it’s not a sign to crash and burn like Taylor’s romance did. If anything, it’s through these situations that two partners can truly learn more about each other and grow from them. 

5. When they’re a different person around others

“You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes
Sipping coffee like you’re on a late-night show
But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willing you to come”

The antagonist in “All Too Well” first acted like a different person around his friends during the dinner scene. And yet again, Taylor recounts how he charmed her dad but then continued to disappoint her in private. 

While it’s normal to want to impress our partner’s family, it’s an eye-opener when someone can behave a complete 180 behind closed doors. Listen to the alarm bells ringing when you don’t recognise the person you’re together with when they’re around friends or strangers. 

Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well” Is A Lesson On Love & Loss

From having high hopes of a blossoming connection with someone you think was going to be “forever”, to having those expectations dashed without warning, Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well” is a fervent reminder that love can be fleeting. We’ve all been there – curled up in bed crying over losing that special person. 

But just like how Taylor finds closure in the ending scenes of the film by moving forward with her life while still remembering her whirlwind romance, we should also know and remind ourselves of what we deserve in any relationship. 

Watch the full video here:

All images courtesy of Youtube.
This article was first published on 18 November 2021 and last updated on 7 March 2024. 

Also read:

Here’s What Happens At Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour – Honest Review From Day 1 To Know What To Expect

The post 5 Relationship “Red” Flags From Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well” Lyrics To Remember Our Self-Worth appeared first on ZULA.sg.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that our phones are pretty much like our digital diaries. But in today’s society, they are so much more than that. You can easily use them to find out where your partner has been, who they’ve been talking to, and even track their location in real-time. However, just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should pry into your partner’s phone without their consent ‒ or should you? 

Below, I spoke to six Singaporeans who shared their take on whether they are for or against the idea of checking their partners’ phones. 

For

1. “He started acting suspicious, and not in a positive way”

Image courtesy of Nicole

“When I was dating my ex, there was a period nearing my birthday when he started acting suspicious, and not in a positive way. It didn’t feel like he was planning a surprise for me, and it was strange to the point where it made me have a bad feeling as my birthday approached. I ended up checking his phone and searching for my name on his WhatsApp chats. 

Lo and behold, I found out that he was actively talking badly about me – trying to “act cool” in front of his friends and that he “wasn’t a simp” to my demands. Basically, he was complaining that I was spoiled because I grew up with big celebrations and parties for my birthday. Since my birthday was nearing, he felt the pressure to do something big for me even though I didn’t ask for it. 

Later, my ex found out that I went through his phone because after I did it for the first time, I couldn’t help but do it again to check if he was constantly talking badly about me to his friends. One time, I checked on his computer instead (WhatsApp web), and he found out about it through his search history. He confronted me, and I confessed, but he was okay with it.

I did feel guilty afterwards, but sometimes our insecurities get the better of us, and we can’t help but stress about it until we finally get an answer. Even if the answer confirms our fears, it’s better than being kept in the dark forever.”

– Nicole, 25 

2. “He kept talking about this girl although we were attached” 

For illustrative purposes only

“I looked through my ex’s phone because he kept talking about this girl even though we were attached. The incident made me insecure, and eventually caused me to develop trust issues. 

As expected, I found out that he was chatting with the girl daily, which made me lose trust in him. I didn’t confront him, but instead, I beat around the bush and asked why he didn’t date the girl since they were so close and chatted every day. In the end, we broke up and went our separate ways. 

While I’ve never considered installing location-tracking apps, I’m prompted to think that those who do are insecure and can’t trust the partner to operate as an individual or make choices on their own. 

Based on my experience, I would advise those who are facing trust issues with their partners to take time to really communicate and be honest with each other. While you may be tempted to hide your concerns because you want to avoid sounding paranoid, you have to understand that such feelings and worries have to be aired if both of you are serious about each other.”

– Queenie, 27 

 3. “I found him following “suspicious” girls on social media”

For illustrative purposes only

“There wasn’t any reason why I decided to look through my partner’s phone, but the moment I did, I discovered that he was following “suspicious” girls on social media. 

Initially, I tried to act cool, but my face gave it away as he realised that something was wrong. When he asked me about it, I shrugged it off, but he continued to press on until I caved and told him about what I found on his phone. 

It turned out that those “suspicious” girls were his secondary school friends, and they were planning to meet during another friend’s upcoming wedding ‒ nowhere close to my suspicions of him cheating on me. 

Through this incident, I realised the importance of communicating and understanding each other’s worries and concerns. While it is common to have trust issues in a relationship, there’s nothing better than addressing them at the initial stages to prevent things from escalating.”

– Ying Ying, 24

Also read: 

27% Of Singaporeans Feel That Office Romances Are Fine, 15% Would Also Forgive Cheating

Against

4. “I feel like it’s an invasion of his own personal space”

Image courtesy of Ashnora

“In my past relationship, my ex was reassuring enough for me to not feel the need to check his phone ‒ though I did have my own face ID on his phone to access it. I feel like it’s an invasion of his own personal space, and if I ever felt the need to use it, I would let him know first.

Since he never once gave me any reason to be suspicious of him, I never considered installing location-tracking apps. Plus, I find them to be an overkill. However, we did share our locations through “Find My iPhone”, and it was a good practice to know that my ex was safe when I was not with him.

I think some people are obsessed with knowing the whereabouts of their partners due to the lack of reassurance from them. It might be because they feel like they can’t trust them due to previous traumatic experiences, and are afraid of their partners lying to or cheating on them.”

– Ashnora, 24

5. “I wouldn’t appreciate my partner snooping around without my permission”

Image courtesy of Jou

“As someone who relies on my phone for almost everything, including shopping, banking, and work, I believe there should be clear boundaries regarding how much access a partner has to your phone.

While I have nothing to hide, I wouldn’t appreciate my partner snooping around without my permission. It signals a lack of trust and a disregard for my privacy – a sentiment I would reciprocate if roles were reversed. I much prefer open communication, and if my partner wants to see something on my phone, I’d prefer they ask me directly.

Thankfully, I haven’t experienced digital stalking, but I know that it can be very traumatising. I strongly believe that location-tracking apps should be used with caution, and people should not become “addicted” to using them. I’ve heard stories where people used them to spy on their partners’ movements, leading to an unhealthy obsession and unpleasant ending.”

– Jou, 30

6. “I’d probably end up overthinking if I found anything, which wouldn’t benefit me”

For illustrative purposes only

“I don’t mind if my partner wants to check my phone, but I’m the kind of person who won’t bother to look through theirs. It is not because I am uninterested, but rather because I’d probably end up overthinking if I found anything, which wouldn’t benefit me. If I give my partner my full trust, I expect the same in return. 

Instead of looking through their phone without permission, I believe in respecting their privacy and addressing any suspicious face to face. This approach allows for faster resolution of misunderstandings.

If you find yourself tempted to install location-tracking software on your partner’s phone, I suggest you reevaluate the relationship. Ask yourself if it’s worth doing something unethical, and if it’s worth the trouble.”

– Long, 30 

These Singaporeans Show That Checking Their Partners’ Phones Has Pros And Cons

While some might argue that it is unethical to check your partner’s phone, it is difficult to determine what is right or wrong in various situations. Sometimes, all it takes is a few clicks to clear or confirm our suspicions, and whether it is for the better or the worse, it is up to us to decide. 

Cover: Images courtesy of Nicole, TheSmartLocal, Ashnora

Also read: 

“I Thought What We Had Was Meant To Be Forever” ‒ 5 Women Share If They Forgave Their Cheating Partner

The post 6 Singaporeans Share If They’re For Or Against Checking Their Partners’ Phones, & If They’ve Done It Before appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Think popular K-dramas like Marry My Husband and Business Proposal and you’ll notice a certain pattern — all the male leads are handsome, charming, and most importantly, rich. 

The idea of dating a hot CEO who buys you anything and everything probably lives in your head rent free but, these not-so-realistic standards may actually be stopping you from finding the love of your life. 

Lemon8 user @caipngwfish shares her experience “dating down” — which she defines as dating a man who earns less than her. ICYMI, @caipngwfish also previously shared why she doesn’t go dutch on dates.

Her experience

Source

Instead of following her family’s expectations for her partner — which includes a decently high salary — @caipngwfish shares that she only had one expectation: he needs to “want to be a provider.”

While she initially rejected her SO’s advances — him introducing her as his girlfriend to peers and her saying “I am not your girlfriend” — she gradually fell in love after he persisted in chasing her. How swoon-worthy.

Source

In the beginning, @caipngwfish actually earned almost double of her partner’s salary. Despite this, the content creator decided to start their relationship for this simple reason — her partner was willing to give her his all. She mentioned in her post that he assured her that “he will work harder to give me that good life he envisioned me to have.”

Source

Even after he got the girl, things did not change. @caipngwfish’s partner would spare no effort keeping her happy. On dates to fancy places, he still took care of the bill despite earning less and with the motivation to work harder for her, the content creator’s boyfriend doubled his salary in just one year. 

To all the girls who are only thinking about dating upwards, here’s something @caipngwfish shared that couldn’t be more true — “dating upwards doesn’t mean that he will be willing to give you the world.”

This Love Story Proves That What Matters Most In A Relationship Is How You Treat Your Partner

I’m sure most people would want a partner who would go above and beyond for them. @caipngwfish’s experience teaches us that salary does not actually determine how well your partner treats you in a relationship. 

If you’ve been hesitant about dating a guy with a lower salary, it may be time to switch up your thinking and try “dating down.” Who knows, you may even find your one true love, just like how @caipngwfish did.

Cover image: Source, Source

Also read:

My Partner Shocked Me With How Much Effort He Put Into Our RS, Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Settle For Less

The post Does Salary Matter In A Relationship? Singaporean Girl Shares Her Experience Of “Dating Down” With Her BF appeared first on ZULA.sg.

If you feel that you need to book a candlelight dinner at an expensive restaurant or visit romantic cafes in Singapore to wow your boo, think again. We asked 7 Singaporean girls to share the most romantic things that their partners did for them on a budget. The next time you’re racking your brains to impress your SO, use this list as a reference and be inspired to get your creative juices flowing. 

1.  He planned a photo trek date with bingo sheets

One of the Bingo sheets drawn by Vivien’s boyfriend 

Cost: $20

“At the start of our relationship, my boyfriend had a list of date ideas. One of them involved a “photo trek/bingo” date, since both of us are into photography. 

My boyfriend came up with the idea of making bingo sheets consisting of common things found in neighbourhoods in Singapore. I thought that it would be a simple 5-by-5 table with the items written down but he drew little symbols and doodles, which I found super adorable. 

The plan was to explore an area in Singapore that neither of us had been to. I live in the east while he lives in the northeast, so we decided to travel a bit further than where we live. We settled on Canberra since it’s quite a new neighbourhood and we didn’t know anything about that area. 

The trek started out okay. We were able to find certain things pretty fast, like playgrounds and carparks. After a while, we realised that there weren’t a lot of things to see or do there, and just strolled around the neighbourhood. 

Vivien and her boyfriend at Yishun Dam

Eventually, we ended up at Yishun and had dinner at Northpoint City. We then took a bus down to Yishun Dam and walked around for a bit before calling it a night. 

Even though we ended up not completing either of our bingo sheets, it was nice spending time together on a mini adventure of sorts. It was very special to me because it was something that I had never experienced before and probably would have never thought of. I also appreciated the effort he put in, especially since both of us share Quality Time as our love language.”
—Vivien Q

2. He surprised her with a private Instagram account documenting all their special moments as a couple

Cost: Free

“Besides giving me a bracelet for my 21st birthday, my boyfriend documented our dates, sweet moments, his thoughts etc on a private Instagram account on his own for months, from the time we started dating. He revealed the account name and password to me on my birthday. From then on, it’s become a joint account for us to document our story together.

Reading through all the posts he had created, I was able to relive special moments we had together from the day we started dating officially. I was moved to tears because there were also heartfelt letters written by him in the captions on the moments we had spent together.

This romantic surprise didn’t cost any money but only time, effort, thoughts and love. Rather than big gestures, my partner tends to do many sweet things in small doses in our daily lives, which I find to be really romantic. For example, holding my hair up for me as I brush my teeth, giving me massages whenever I have stiff shoulders and bringing food to me whenever he knows I am hangry.”
—S

3.  He requested for her dog to be in their couple photoshoot 

Cost: Free

“This is probably not your average romantic thing but it was the most thoughtful. A friend wanted to help my boyfriend and I do a couple photoshoot to promote his Instagram page. However, my boyfriend asked for my dog to come along too. He also specifically requested to put more focus on solo shots with me and my dog, plus some with my mum at home. At that point in time, my dog had been diagnosed with cancer and we knew that he wouldn’t survive for long. 

It didn’t really hit me then as I was just going with the flow and following the photographer’s directions. But looking back now that my dog has passed, it was one of the sweetest things [my boyfriend could have done for me]. The pictures from that day are so priceless and irreplaceable. It wasn’t a surprise as he had told me about it beforehand but it meant a lot to me. My boyfriend could have easily used it as an opportunity to get good couple photos of us. But he decided to give up most of the time for us and my dog.

My boyfriend isn’t the kind who will do conventional romantic things like filling my bed with rose petals because honestly, I’m not super into these things too. It’s the small things that he does on the daily to show how much he cares for me. ”
—Deborah Gan

Also read:

7 SG Girls On How The Circuit Breaker Taught Them New Ways To Maintain A Relationship

4. He was determined to win her a plushie because she felt her room was too empty

Cost: $20

“The most romantic thing my partner has done for me was winning this huge plushie from Uncle Ringo because I don’t like my room looking too empty. It was on Christmas and there was a booth at the fair where you had to throw rings onto glass bottles. If the hoop wrapped around the opening of the bottle successfully, you could get a giant plushie of your choice. 

Though it was almost impossible to win and I told him it was a waste of money to even try, my boyfriend insisted on trying to win one for me. So, he exchanged $20 for credits to play. On our second last try, he managed to successfully get one hoop around the bottle opening. 

I was very surprised and touched seeing how he was so determined to win me something. Honestly, I would have been happy and satisfied with a small plushie.

I always thought that carnivals are a waste of money as you cannot win anything but this turned out to be a good experience. Plus, it was an unintentional win with an intentional purpose—making my room feel less empty and to always be a reminder of his presence.”
—C

5. He prepared all her favourite food and surprised her with a picnic

Cost: Around $20

“One of the most romantic things that my boyfriend did for me on a budget was during our fifth monthsary. He prepared a small picnic surprise at Marina Barrage. He first surprised me at the bus stop near my house. Then, he told me we were going to be ‘tourists’ for the day. I had no idea what he had planned. 

When we arrived at Marina Barrage, he started unpacking his bag. He laid out a picnic mat and started arranging the food. I was shocked to see that he had prepared a lot of food like sandwiches and aglio olio, which is my favourite. It was his first time cooking for me, and I was very excited to eat what he had cooked. I had been requesting for him to do so, and for him to do it during our monthsary was very sweet. 

On top of that, because my boyfriend is in NS, we only meet during weekends. To see him putting in the effort to cook and plan this despite his busy schedule was very touching.”
—Jolene Ang

6. He hand wrapped a bouquet of flowers for her 

Cost: Under $30

“My boyfriend came to my house and surprised me with a bouquet of flowers. When I asked him what the occasion was, he said that he didn’t need an occasion to gift me flowers. I was very touched, especially because he chose the right flowers and right colour tones for the wrapping as well. 

My partner doesn’t do romantic things very often, mostly because we are both pretty busy with our work. That surprise meant a lot to me because it was out of the norm for him to gift something to me on a normal day. 

Moreover, the gift was something he hand wrapped, which isn’t really his forte. It made me feel special knowing that he spent so much time and effort on it. I am a true sucker for thoughtful gestures, whether big or small, so that gesture from my boyfriend really won my heart.”
—Erica Tan

7. He taught her how to cook and helped her overcome her fear of heat

Cost: Under $20

“I’d gone over to my partner’s house to spend time with him as he was still recovering from ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) reconstruction surgery.

When I asked him how we were going to settle our lunch, he whipped out his phone and showed me a YouTube video. He said he wanted to make baked fries, because he saw a recipe online that was easy to follow, and that he already had the necessary ingredients at home. Besides fries, he also wanted to cook a burger as a main dish.  

I volunteered to help out because I felt bad letting him do everything on his own. He taught me how to cut the potatoes and stood beside me to guide me along. Then, he did the same for the burger.  

The burgers and fries that Janelle and her boyfriend cooked

I wasn’t expecting cooking together to be so much more enjoyable and rewarding than simply being served delicious food. When we cooked together, we also got to bond and learn a bit more about one another. 

Although the meal was very simple, it was romantic because I felt very loved as he patiently taught me how to cook and pushed me to overcome my fear of the heat.”
—Janelle Lee

These Romantic Things On A Budget Tells Us That You Don’t Need To Break The Bank To Make Bae Happy

Who says that wooing your partner needs to be expensive? These romantic things on a budget show us that it can be as simple as whipping up a meal or remembering the little details that they mentioned in passing. Ultimately, it’s the thought that counts. 

All images courtesy of the interviewees.
This article was first published on 9 March 2021 and last updated on 21 February 2024.

Also read:

8 SG Millennials Whose Love Language Is Quality Time Share Little Ways Their Partners Express Affection

The post 7 SG Girls Share The Most Romantic Things Their Partners Did On A Budget appeared first on ZULA.sg.

As times are always changing, so are relationships in today’s generation. According to Paktor Group, a local dating app, today’s Millennials and Gen Zs are now placing a greater emphasis on value alignment and inclusivity in their relationships. 

With higher emphasis on emotional resonance, GaiGai, Paktor Group’s offline dating arm, has identified three main stages in relationships today based on feedback from their relationship managers to help youth understand these changing dynamics.

The stages

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The first stage of modern relationships is having casual social gatherings with a partner’s friends. For many Singaporeans, it’s important for them to observe their partner’s social circle in a fun and relaxed atmosphere. 

Yes, this includes when alcohol is involved as well. According to GaiGai, many also look out for aggressive or rude behaviour while inebriated, highlighting potential red flags. 

So the next time you’re thinking of inviting your partner out with your friends to sus out if they’re good or bad for you, rest assured that it’s a rational step in most relationships.

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The second stage is common for couples who have dated for more than three months — a short trip abroad. It’s common to hear the warning that taking a trip together may make or break a relationship, as it’s very telling of each others’ lifestyle habits and living compatibility. 

Especially for travel enthusiasts, these shared overseas experiences can also strengthen their bond, serving as an indicator of a successful long-term relationship.

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The third stage is when things start to become a little more serious. After around six months of dating, this stage is where couples want to introduce themselves to their partner’s parents, either through a home visit or a simple meal. 

It’s not surprising, as the Asian mindset of family and acceptance still remains deep-rooted in many of us. This stage allows the couple to deepen their understanding of each other’s family backgrounds — a key step for building a stable relationship in the long run. 

GaiGai Pinpoints The 3 Stages Of Relationship Dynamics In Singapore

While GaiGai has pointed out the three stages of relationship dynamics in Singapore, it’s also important to note that these are not fixed timelines for every relationship. Different people have their own set of boundaries and comfort zones, so couples should respect each other’s personal space and move towards these steps without societal pressure. 

For those who are interested in more relationship-based surveys in Singapore, find out how often Singaporeans have sex here. 

Cover: Source, source

Also read:

How Often Do Singaporeans Have Sex? 6% Of Singles Surveyed Claim They Do It Every Day

The post Research Finds That Most Couples Travel Together After 3 Months, Meet Each Other’s Parents After 6 Months appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Classic romantic gestures like asking someone to go on a date and buying the meal have been considered as moves that have to be done by the guy. Well, whether we like it or not, dating styles are changing, and many females are taking charge of their love life. 

As shared by Lemon8 user @ja10mie, she explains the reasons behind making the first move and asking her boyfriend out, and tips that she has learned from the experience.  

How it all happened

@ja10mie and her boyfriend
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Back when @ja10mie was single, she was already following her now-boyfriend on social media, and vice versa. Since she noticed that he “looked really cute in his profile pic”, she decided to make the first move by sliding into his DM. 

Admitting that it was probably because of how both of them were “talking online and had never met face to face”, @ja10mie developed the courage to tell him straight up that “he looks good and that [she’s] hitting on him.”

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As it turned out, he reciprocated her bold moves, and even appreciated her for being direct with her feelings. Soon enough, the two became a couple, and at the time of writing, they have been dating for more than 7 months.  

Why is it alright to make the first move 

If you’re inspired by the success story of @ja10mie, and looking to take things to the next level with your crush, below are reasons why it is totally acceptable for girls to make the first move. 

1. You’ll be sure of your feelings

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Chances are, when you agree to enter a relationship without understanding your true feelings, you’d end up wasting your time and regretting your decision. Instead of making such mistakes, @ja10mie commented that making a first move actually helps to eliminate such confusion. 

Personally, I agree because there is no reason to commit when you’re still questioning your own romantic interest in a particular person. 

2. There is a chance that your crush likes you back too

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Now listen ‒ relationships are actually not that complicated, but we tend to make it so by playing mind games. Save yourself from constantly pondering, “Does he like me? Or not?” by making the first move.   

According to @ja10mie, she only found out later in the relationship that her boyfriend already had feelings for her since they began talking. If she hadn’t taken the initiative in asking him out, chances are, they might not even be together now. 

3. Some guys prefer girls who are direct

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Come on, it’s 2023, and people need to stop stereotyping girls who make the first move as “desperate” or “overly confident”. Instead, consider them as brave, and respect their decision in taking charge of their lives.

Even better, some guys actually prefer girls who make the first move as backed by @ja10mie’s boyfriend. He mentioned that “girls that shoot their shot have a higher chance of succeeding”. 

4. The worst thing that could happen is a rejection

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If you think about it, the worst thing that could happen after making the first move is getting rejected. There is no reason for you to react as if it is the end of the world since time will heal, and after a while, you’d probably forget about it. 

Instead of having regrets, @ja10mie mentioned, “It is worse to not take a chance at all, and think about what could’ve been.” 

Take Charge Of Your Love Life & Make The First Move

Despite living in an open-minded society, there is still a prevailing expectation that guys should make the first move when it comes to relationships. However, @ja10mie’s inspiring story could change that perspective, encouraging more girls to take bold steps, and seize control of their own relationship destiny.

Cover: TheSmartLocal, Source 

Also read: 

Singaporean Girl Shares Story Of Renting A Place With Partner At 23 Years Old & Lessons On Co-Living

The post Singaporean Girl Explains Why There Is No Shame In Making The First Move, Shares Relationship Advice appeared first on ZULA.sg.

ICYMI, the topic of guys treating girls on the first date remains highly debatable till this day. However, going dutch on dates seems to be increasingly popular as of late.  For the unacquainted, “going dutch” is a term for splitting the bill ― usually for meals.

For Lemon8 user, @caipngwfish, she believes that not going dutch during dates is the way to go, and shares why she believes the guy in the relationship should be the one who is paying more.

The reasons

Image for illustrative purposes

While in the dating stage, @caipngfish has never gone dutch with her now-boyfriend. Her reasons? She simply wanted a man with a provider mindset ━ we stan a queen who knows what she wants TBH.

Apart from treating her to meals, the content creator also mentioned that her boyfriend’s kind gestures and persistence made her swoon.

Image for illustrative purposes 

The stance of not going dutch has continued into their relationship as well. Her partner will usually foots the bill for their day-to-day expenses and in return, she takes care of other aspects in their relationship such as rent and household chores.

Images for illustrative purposes

To the Lemon8 user, she believes that finances shouldn’t be split equally and is just one aspect of their relationship. She compromises with her boyfriend in other ways by being a great emotional support. 

As a reminder for fellow girls, she shared in her post that  “if your man says 50-50 financially, call that bull because ain’t no way it’s ever going to be 50-50 ━ unless he contributes in other ways”. She added that as much as we wish for it, “the world is never fair so why would you think a relationship would be fair?”. 

Not Going Dutch During Dates Works Well For This Singaporean Couple

Some of us may be in our girl boss era, but it’s okay to be pampered by your other half too. While the debate of going dutch or letting the guy fully pay the bill for meals still stands, remember that every relationship differs for each couple. What works for one might not work for another. 

Cover: Source, TheSmartLocal

Also read:

Singaporean Girl Shares Experience Of Dating A Fatphobic, Warns Others To Recognise Red Flags

The post Singaporean Girl Shares Why She Doesn’t Go Dutch On Dates & Why It’s Fine If The Guy Pays More appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Where words fail, actions speak ━ writing a heartfelt letter or serenading with a sweet song are great ways to show appreciation towards bae. But how about standing out from the crowd with a handmade gift?

Lemon8 user, @y1jingg, went above and beyond by folding not one but 1000 paper cranes for her boyfriend’s birthday present. Not only did she spend a long time on it, there was an extra special meaning behind this unique gift ━ it will have you screaming, crying and throwing up at how sweet it is. 

The gift

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Yi Jing learnt through her history subject in secondary school about the 1000 paper crane myth. FYI, legend has it that folding 1000 paper cranes will grant the person’s wish. This inspired Yi Jing, and she felt deeply connected to this beautiful myth till this day.

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For her boyfriend’s 21st birthday, she wanted to do something special other than treating him to a boujee buffet at Ritz Carlton. Even though she had COVID when she first started out preparing the present, Yi Jing continuously folded paper cranes until she completed 1000 of them. We stan dedication.

She even went out of her way to use 100 of the paper cranes to create a very colourful bouquet instead of using conventional flowers.

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Yi Jing hoped that by folding 1000 paper cranes, her wish that her boyfriend can pursue his financial dreams would come true ━ BRB, sleeping on the highway tonight.

This Singaporean Girl’s Gift To Her Boyfriend Shows That A Fairytale Love Does Exist

Being gifted 1000 paper cranes is something straight out of an indie-romance movie and we need more of this energy IRL. Perhaps the next time you’re planning something special for someone, folding 1000 paper cranes will do the trick.

Cover: Source, source

Also read:

This Singaporean Girl Stayed At Japan’s Love Hotels, Shares Her Tips So You Can Try On Your Next Trip

The post Singaporean Girl Folded 1000 Paper Cranes For Her BF’s Birthday, Shares How It Will Grant Wishes appeared first on ZULA.sg.