While society is slowly becoming more inclusive, it can still be extremely tough for LGBTQ+ individuals to come out to their loved ones. Especially in such a conservative country like Singapore, many feel afraid of facing disapproval and rejection.
Lemon8 user, @junchenchew, shared a personal experience where her partner came out as gay to her. Navigating through her confusion, heartbreak and eventual acceptance, she also included tips for others who are going through the same experience as her.
After six months of dating her partner, Jun Chen shared that there was a day where he came over to her house looking “pale” — a stark contrast from his usual cheerful look. She was worried that he was about to break up with her, only for him to reveal that he’s gay.
Not only that, she was also the first person he came out to, which probably explained why he was so nervous. It was a huge shock for Jun Chen who didn’t see it coming at all, explaining that it was because “all his exes were girls too”.
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Jun Chen’s partner then revealed that he dated girls to hide his sexuality from his traditional family, hoping to come out to them only after he moved out. This revelation affected her greatly, as she wondered if he truly cared about her during their relationship or was only using her to hide his sexuality.
“It was very hard on him, and all I could do was show compassion and lend a listening ear. After all, I still did love him and cherished the great memories we had together,” Jun Chen wrote.
Surprisingly, this reveal didn’t end off in a bad break up. Her partner is still unsure if he’s gay or bisexual, but he did admit that he has a preference for men. Their relationship status is currently uncertain.
Prior to coming out to her, Jun Chen shared that he would often make “jokes” that he was gay. She admitted that not taking him seriously was a big mistake on her part, and posted screenshots of their conversation where he told her that he was gay a total of 794 times.
It’s not easy for someone who is still discovering their sexuality to be open and honest to their partner. Jun Chen recognises this, which is why she wants to share a few words of advice to people who might be going through the same situation as her.
“Their choice to tell you and come out is a decision that will affect them forever. Appreciate that they had the bravery to tell you now. It’s your choice whether you want to remain on good terms, [but] you are not obliged to.”
As we celebrate pride month this June, Jun Chen’s kind acceptance, support and appreciation towards her partner’s bravery is also a reminder for us to be tactful to our loved ones if they come out.
You’ll never know what struggles that everyone may be going through. And as Jun Chen also advises, “don’t be too harsh on yourself for not noticing earlier too, that’s not on you to decipher.”
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