Identifying as a bisexual girl often has its endless misconceptions. Dating a woman? You’re just a lesbian. Dating a man? You’re just straight. For Lemon8 user Sze Lin, these misconceptions have frustrated her greatly while growing up — even more so after she got married to a man and eventually gave birth.
In celebration of Pride Month this year, Sze Lin shared her story on her profile in hopes that others who are struggling with their sexuality will be reassured that every journey is not always as straightforward as it seems.
From when she was 13 to 23 years old, Sze Lin identified as a lesbian. She only dated girls then, even committing herself to long term relationships in hopes to get married to a woman in the future.
Unfortunately, with how conservative Singapore is, Sze Lin faced many obstacles such as “threats from [her] ex-girlfriend’s parents, cold war with [her] own mother, and gossip.” Despite these negative experiences, Sze Lin shared that she would go through it all again, as it was an integral part of her journey in discovering herself.
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Even after 10 years, Sze Lin was still struggling with her sexuality. She pushed herself to explore her options and started to date men for around two years, eventually identifying as bisexual. She then got engaged and married to a man.
After going through this long journey of self-discovery, one would think that Sze Lin would be met with celebrations and congratulations from her loved ones. But everyone around her was shocked by her revelation. She received nasty and ignorant comments such as “so you’ve always liked men?” and “you’ve wasted 10 years of your youth”.
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Many were confused at Sze Lin’s “sudden change in preference”, but she clarified that just because there’s a change in her marital status, it doesn’t mean she stopped being attracted to girls.
Being labelled as “straight” for marrying a man felt unfair — something that many individuals who identify as bisexual can relate to as well.
Sze Lin hopes her story will inspire others who are struggling with their identity to know that the journey to discovering yourself isn’t always easy.
“I literally felt like I was emotionally stuck in quicksand. [Identity] is so fluid that we sometimes confuse ourselves too. Just remember your label doesn’t define you — who’s to say you need one anyway.”
Through navigating her identity for over 10 years, facing backlash and eventually settling down and having a baby, Sze Lin’s journey shows us that it’s okay to take the time to discover yourself. At the end of the day, love is love, and LGBTQ+ individuals should be proud of themselves for their own unique journey.
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