Chinese New Year Boyfriends

Chinese New Year’s round the corner but you’re still single. If you’re afraid ah ma is gonna bombard you with questions, fret not, for the internet has your back. If you’re tired of guys on Tinder, your last resort could be to buy/rent one. Guaranteed to keep nosy relatives’ interrogation at bay, here are boyfriends you can buy on Carousell for even $0.01.

Disclaimer: we suspect most of them are fully unaware of their online personas that entail ‘single and ready to mingle’. Probably kena sabo by their friends. But as the joker said, why so serious?


Our first contender will win your heart with his pure, white poop. And that’s not the only thing about him that’s pure.


“Virgin. Has very exaggerated reactions. Current Pes E soldier. Drinks alot of water. Shits white. Calls people for a living. Not a telemarketer. No refunds. Missing gall bladder.”

Listed in: Textbooks.

Joel on the other hand, is very experienced. Even though he puts his relationship with God first. No refunds.


“Has many relationships before. Loves God. Partner must be Christian. THIS IS NOT A SALE BUT MATCHMAKING. Once broken considered sold.”

Listed in: Gardening & Plants

Or you can give chance to Ng Teng Fong. His captioned “mouth technique” may be as famous as the hospital he’s named after.


“Multiple Ds. Coder in the making. Next Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg. Can be gangsta or naise.”

Listed in: K-Wave

But if you want the full EX-perience…


“Renting ex-boyfriend for being an asshole because he lies a lot. $50/hour.”

Unless you’re broke.


Caption: “Take him.”

Listed in: Women’s Fashion

No warranty but condition 9/10 guaranteed. While stocks last.


Listed in: Women’s Fashion

Body parts may be sold separately.


Listed in: Toys

Why buy the house when you can rent one?


Because home is where the heart is…

However, if you prefer taking things literally…


Just be careful not to get tricked. *Kpop idol clickbait alert*


“Lol okay I need someone to help me transfer $1 to a DBS account! It’s a very small amount but please help. Commission: 50 cents.”

Boys of the Season

If all options fail, just get this T-shirt. For those who are tired of explaining themselves this Chinese New Year, you’ll never need to repeat yourself.