Getting Back With An Ex
Break-ups are never as easy as changing your Facebook status from ‘In A Relationship’ to ‘Single’.
Sometimes, lingering feelings can leave us wondering if breaking up was a mistake. Other times, a sense of jealousy can send us stalking our exes on Instagram.
But is it ever a good idea to go back to an old flame, especially when we’re lonely at night? While some think it’s okay to reconcile with exes as we should “forgive and forget”, others think it’s wiser to leave shards of glass untouched.
“No, emotional baggage will follow you into your new relationship.”
For young Singaporeans who choose to get back with their ex, they face dealing with an exacerbated level of insecurity.
Keiran, 23, who went back to his ex, describes his current relationship as “unstable” and “filled with uncertainty”. He points out that distrust still lingers between them, making it difficult to completely start afresh.
“We cheated and parted ways, but we decided to give each other a chance. Though we’re dating again, I’m always afraid she’ll leave, and I know she wonders if I’ll do the same.”
Aside from trust issues, Keiran reveals how his girlfriend has also become overly-possessive. “She’d constantly check my text messages and even created a fake Tinder account, just to see if I was out looking at other women.”
Agreeing with Keiran, Timothy, 25, admits that starting on a ‘clean slate’ is nearly impossible “when you’re familiar with each other’s flaws”.
“I become self-conscious because I’m constantly wondering ‘Am I doing this right? Is she annoyed at me now?’ I can’t be comfortable around her anymore.”
Moreover, every relationship ends for a reason. By going back to an ex, there’s a tendency to repeat the same ‘mistake’ twice.
Some like Vanessa, 26, don’t believe in getting back with exes as “leopards don’t change their spots”.
“My boyfriend and I broke up because he was constantly flirting with girls. We eventually got back together but once the honeymoon phase was over, old problems resurfaced again.”
“If a relationship ends badly, why put yourself through another round of heartbreak? The past is the past, look towards the future instead.”
“Yes, because people deserve a second chance.”
Despite strong sentiments about why dating an ex is a recipe for disaster, there are more optimistic individuals who believe in second chances.
Some like, Jade, 25, took back their cheating exes because they seemed “genuine about making things right”.
“Unlike most cheaters, my ex admitted to cheating and begged for forgiveness. He’s not perfect but I’d rather fix our relationship than give up on it,” she explains.
But not all relationships end bitterly. Sometimes, couples split due to different priorities in life, only to find their feelings still remain despite spending time apart.
Tricia, 24, broke up with her boyfriend, Harry, 25, when she moved to America to pursue her degree. Unable to cope with the time difference, they decided to end their relationship amicably.
When Tricia returned from the States, she caught up with him over lunch, and picked up from where they left off.
“I think the reason we worked out eventually is because we gave our relationship a try when we were older and more mature. It was the case of right person, wrong time,” she shares.
Their reconciliation stories prove that love does deserve a second chance when it’s rightfully earned and respected.
Should You Date Your Ex?
Personally, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer to the question. After all, every relationship is different; what works for one couple might do the opposite for another.
If you choose to get back with your ex and things still don’t work out, at least you’d have no regrets because deep down, you know you’ve tried.