Why I Stopped Finding The One

Finding The One

*This is a submission piece by ZULA reader Moon Gee.

Before finding the right one, most people would already have a mental blueprint of the qualities they desire in their partner. For girls, ‘Mr Perfect’ could be tall, athletic, handsome, and well-mannered.

While desiring a particular quality of a partner is not inherently wrong, falling for certain traits could be the very reason why relationships crumble.

When you are obsessed with the idea of finding the right one, you could be inflicted with the idea that there would always be someone better out there. If you feel frustrated whenever he fails to meet a certain expectation, disappointment comes right after.

So when you jump ship and find someone else you are absolutely certain is the right one, everything seems rosy until you realise he may not be who you imagine him to be.

If he does not fulfil your expectations again, what are you going to do?

You sacrificed everything else just to be with him: Mr Nice Guy in your previous relationship, your time and effort, and all the reasons you gave yourself to be with your new beau.

The worst misconception about love is that your partner will never disappoint you no matter what. And that’s nonsense.

Everybody, including your loved ones, will always disappoint you in one way or another–mostly unintentionally.

Finding the right one is a mentally exhausting process because you are constantly evaluating others and also dealing with your own self-denial.

 

The scariest outcome from finding the right one is coming to the realisation that you’re never in love with him; you’re just in love with your own ideology of love.

Letting go of #RelationshipGoals

Due to social media, we often feel pressured to achieve #RelationshipGoals or #CoupleGoals, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction in your relationship.

Yet, we often forget that it’s only human nature to want to portray only the “ups” of a relationship. And that we cannot emulate everything we see.

So here’s a reminder: let go of your unrealistic expectations, have your own perspective and avoid comparison. Don’t live off others’ fantasies.

Be open to learning together through multiple disappointments and understand that acceptance is key for every relationship to work.