Getting Through Breakups
Breakups are hella painful. The road to recovery isn’t usually as straightforward as we’d like. On some days, we leap two steps forward, feeling strong and confident about our newly-found singlehood. On other days, a familiar song or smell can push us one step back.
Though heartache feels infinite, time eventually heals most wounds. While there is no fixed formula for getting over a loved one, we spoke to 11 Singaporean girls, to find out about the ways they coped with the pain.
*names were changed to protect their identities.
1. Threw Beer On The Side Chick
My ex told me that he was hitting the pub with his colleagues after work. Call it a woman’s intuition, but I had this gut feeling that something was wrong. So I went to the same pub with a few of my girlfriends, in an attempt to settle that uneasy feeling.
When I arrived, I saw my ex-boyfriend making out with his female colleague. I immediately ran out of the club, weeping hysterically as my girlfriends consoled me. Although they wanted to send me home, I couldn’t walk away so easily.
I went back in, took a cup of beer from their table, and poured it over the girl’s head. I ran away before she could do the same. That moment of revenge was so satisfying.
2. Went Solo Backpacking
I ended a toxic relationship at the three-year mark. We could no longer salvage it—both of us had cheated on each other too many times. I was hurt and tired of all the drama. I couldn’t stand being in the same place he was in. I had to get out of Singapore.
Without informing anyone, I booked an air ticket to Melbourne. Looking back, it was the best impromptu decision I ever made. I had the best time of my life, meeting new people and having great experiences. Sometimes, a breath of fresh air is needed to put things in perspective.
Zi Hui, 22
3. One-Night Stands
I pushed my feelings away and told myself I was happy being single again. I went on Tinder and hooked up with so many guys, that having sex with random strangers became the norm. Having tons of guys desire and compliment my body made me feel good about myself–even if they only wanted me for one night.
This destructive behaviour went on till a particular incident. I went to a hook up’s house for drinks, with the intention of getting laid. Halfway through, he stopped kissing me and told me to leave because my chest was too flat.
Humiliated and angry, I realised, if I didn’t respect my own body, how could I expect a stranger to respect mine?
This incident taught me that while I could try to f*ck the pain away, numbing my feelings was not the solution. Instead, self-love is the key to healing a broken heart.
4. Took Up Hobbies
Truth to be told, I wasn’t that upset when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. I was more in love with the idea of him than the person himself.
To keep myself busy, I went kayaking, kickboxing and performing at pubs. This period of time was truly liberating.
5. Created A Tinder Profile
When I broke up with my boyfriend, I felt the emptiness of being alone. I no longer had a default date on the weekends, or someone to cuddle with at night. To distract myself, I downloaded Tinder and swiped away.
Though I didn’t meet anyone special, the few awkward dates I went on took my mind off things. It also helped me realise that through some luck and patience, it’s possible to fall in love again.
6. Breakup Buddy
I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because he became addicted to online poker. He neglected everyone in his life and incurred massive debts. I was so confused and heartbroken as I couldn’t understand how he let online poker take over his life.
Thankfully, I had a close friend who had unfortunately broken up with her boyfriend too. We kept each other company by going on dates together. Without her, I don’t think I’d have gotten over the relationship as quickly. Now, we even joke that we’re each other’s ‘breakup buddy’!
7. Good Girl Gone Bad
I was bitter that he cheated on me with someone else, and wanted to show him that I was happier without him. I wanted to prove that I could enjoy singlehood to the fullest.
It was a dark period I’m not proud of. My Instastory rotated between smoking up and clubbing on the weekend. But damn, getting high and dancing with those cute boys at the club certainly took my mind off that cheating ass.
Shu Qi, 22
8. Poured Out My Feelings Online
When I tried to salvage my relationship with my then boyfriend, he screamed at me to leave him alone. He proceeded to block me on all his social media platforms and WhatsApp.
Upset, I took to blogging to vent my thoughts. Releasing all my pent up emotion cleared my mind, and gave me the clean slate I needed to start over again.
9. Binge-watched Disney Movies
He was my first boyfriend. He told me that relationships were no longer his priority and that he was only texting me because he pitied me and didn’t want me to do anything stupid.
Because my breakup was so raw at that time, I didn’t have the will to leave the house.
I passed time by re-watching my childhood Disney films. I bawled so hard when Simba was wrecked over the death of his father in The Lion King.
10. The Power of True Friendship
I never knew who my true friends were until I broke up with my boyfriend. Some friends chose to distance themselves from me after our breakup. They said I was too needy and that they had no time for my random outbursts. One ‘friend’ actually started dating my ex, right after we broke up.
During this tough period, two unexpected friends showed me unconditional support. They took me out for meals, karaoke and clubbing, and made sure I was never alone. The time they spent with me helped me keep my mind off him, and made moving on a hell lot easier.
Le Xuan, 23
11. Burning the memories of him
There was this one guy that broke my heart completely. He was older and treated me more like a sexual plaything, than an actual love interest. After dating for two months, he cut me off with a text saying how I’m more like a little sister to him.
On the day I received the message, I decided to burn all the things that reminded me of him. His shirt, the notes I wrote to him, the book he gave me–all of it went up in flames. Still, I’m hopeful that one day, I’ll meet a man who’d love me right.
Getting Over Breakups
Chin up, buttercup! Breakups are painful but there’s always a silver lining in every cloud. Looking on the bright side of life could prove to be that needed ray of sunshine, reminding you that you’re truly #blessed in life.