Friendship And Being One Of The Boys
*This is a submission piece written by Koh Zhi Min, a writer for our sister site Eatbook.sg
All my life I’ve been that girl everyone calls tomboy just because I’ve always preferred to rough it out with the boys. I’d choose running around neighbourhoods and catching spiders over playing with barbies.
As I grew older, I still found myself subconsciously making more guy friends than girlfriends. However, I realised being one of the boys wasn’t as easy as it was in my childhood.
There were stereotypes attached to girls like me—attention-seeking, flirty, even slutty—as many assumed friendships with the opposite gender were ‘unnatural’ and unusual. Perhaps, many believed friendships between the two genders could never stay platonic.
And while female friendships are important, till today, I still prefer to be one of the boys rather than one of the girls.
Also read:
My experience with many girl friendships
Perhaps my experience in an all-girls secondary school contributed to that. While I’ve made lifelong girlfriends who still support me and celebrate my milestones, I’ve also encountered my fair share of unpleasant Regina George wannabes.
There was backstabbing, talking behind people’s backs, spreading rumours about people you don’t even know… the list goes on. I guess I just grew tired of the girl-on-girl hate, the very kind of drama many girls I’ve encountered lived for.
I found many girls were afraid to express their opinions because they were afraid of being judged. So instead, many pretended to befriend someone they disliked and hung out with frenemies.
So when I went to JC, I decided I didn’t ever want to dive back into such toxic relationships. The result is the ratio of guy to girlfriends I hung out with became 4:1.
Guys are usually less sensitive
There are many reasons why I love being one of the guys. I’ve found friendships with guys to be easier and more effortless. We will joke around, banter, and argue, but you won’t see me and guy friends in a cold war for three months. I know this is a sweeping statement, but I think it’s because guys are usually less sensitive.
Joining in their roasting sessions showed me how to shake things off by laughing and taking things with a pinch of salt. While they may ‘bully’ you all the damn time, they’ll also be the ones who would come to your aid if someone’s picking on you. And this taught me to tune out negative thoughts and comments others threw at me.
Guys teach me to ‘man up’
My guy friends also grew up with the mentality they had to ‘man up’ and power through life. Maybe it’s their upbringing, or maybe it’s simply the ‘alpha male’ mentality. Whatever it is, I found myself influenced by their ambitiousness. They encouraged me to strive harder and achieve the best I can every day.
Best of all, our friendships are low maintenance. We don’t meet on a weekly basis, however, we stay in contact by watching each other’s ‘gram stories. If they read an emo tweet, they’d hit me up and ask me what’s wrong. They’d even offer to come over with food when I have cravings. And when we do meet, nothing changes.
Lessons learnt
My journey as one of the boys has taught me many life lessons, but the most important one is to be surrounded by genuine friends who care for me.
I’m blessed with friends who would set their ringtone to the loudest volume so that they would pick up if I called them at three in the morning. Friends I can rant to about the pettiest things and who would sit down, talk to me, and really listen.
I remember how I was going through some family issues and almost lost the roof over my head. Without hesitation, a few of them offered to let my family and I stay at their place.
And I love how despite their strengths, these guys are real with each other and are willing to be emotionally vulnerable. They aren’t afraid to cry and confide their relationship and family problems to each other.
Just like how I’ve made them my pillars of support, they’ve given me the chance to do the same for them.
Through them, I found the confidence and strength to be honest, genuine, and true to who I want to be, something I didn’t get a lot of when I was a girls’ school girl.
Making True Friends
Despite what some may claim about guy-girl friendships, I would say that if you find the right people, don’t focus too much on their gender.
Being one of the boys ain’t bad at all. I love having a bunch of brothers to comfort, protect and stand up for me whenever things went wrong, and I wouldn’t give up our friendship for anything.
Also read:
