Understanding Girl Logic

Neuroscientists can debate about the identicalness of male and female brains all day long. But it doesn’t take a genius to know that females can spiral from Princess to Pontianak in a nanosecond.

Our gender-stereotype habits have baffled men since Eve ate the forbidden apple and convinced Adam to try it. While Adam did it out of love, Eve was probably just hangry.

To help decode what girls mean or really mean, we broke down 10 girl logic statements that make guys want to backflip into the Kallang river.

1. When girls ask “why do you love me” for the millionth time

A girl can decrypt 2 kinds of replies; verbal and non-verbal. So even if you give the same reply, your body language might prove otherwise. The more frustration you show, the more unconvinced she’ll be.

Girls are fully aware of their insecurities but they’ll seek assurance anyway. And unless you have a death wish, don’t say “because you’re pretty” or she might pull a Lana Del Rey. “So you won’t love me when I’m no longer Young and Beautiful?” Fatality.

Solution:

Instead of saying “I don’t know, stop asking lah” you should try “people like to measure love and compare it with their friends like it’s some sort of contest. I don’t want to subject our relationship to that.” For extra points, give her that charming smile and a kiss on the forehead.

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2. When girls play “spot the difference”

After cutting a massive 2.36 inches of hair at the salon. After plucking brows and applying a new lip colour one shade darker. After wearing a new blouse that looks identical to the one she wore yesterday, except that it’s different because of an extra button.

It’s chiffon, not cotton! This one has lace details. How are these even the same? You don’t care enough to pay attention to me anymore. You weren’t like this in the past.

Solution:

It’s not about the reply, but the way you reply. Girls get angry when their boyfriends behave as if they don’t care, especially after the honeymoon stage. Would you rather a guy A) look at you for a millisecond and ask “your hair?” with a monotonous tone and go back to using his phone, or B) put his phone down, pay full attention, and say “tell me” with a megawatt smile.

3. How girls react to one-word replies like “anything”

What guys usually mean by “anything”: “I’m fine with any option, dear.”
What girls hear: “I’m not interested in making a decision.”
What girls think: “Is he bored of me? Does he think I’m a chore?”

However, if a girl gives you a one-word reply like “k”, you better backtrack 300 messages and contemplate over the meaning of life.

Solution:

Like what secondary school taught us, don’t give one word replies or you’ll only get half mark. Please elaborate further. (20 marks) Or you could just add a cute emoji.

4. Hinting instead of speaking her mind like a “crazy girlfriend”

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She could be pissed and not tell you the exact reason why, just to avoid being a “crazy girlfriend”. Sometimes, girls expect partners to miraculously Sherlock their way through 50 levels of hell. When she says “you seem to be talking to her a lot” it could indirectly mean “I am jealous you’re talking to her.”

Solution:

Girls are not that hard to figure out, if you know how to ask patiently. Instead of stabbing her with a negative “why you always like that?!”, leave it open-ended. Try “what’s on your mind?” If she says “nothing”, refer to point #5.

5. “I’m fine”, “have fun”

Maybe what she really means is “I’m not okay but I don’t know how to tell you”. Maybe she doesn’t want to worry you. Maybe she’s being passive-aggressive because she thinks you ditched her. Or maybe she’s actually telling the truth.

She might genuinely want you to have fun while at a soccer game. But when girls overthink, it affects their entire mood. Why isn’t he updating me? Why isn’t he home yet? She may not verbalise her inner thoughts but her insecurities will accumulate. And this is how her words transform into a deceitful cloak of riddles, despite genuine intentions to begin with.

Solution:

Telling someone “cheer up” or “are you okay” when they’re having a bad day is as useful as asking someone munching on a banana “oh, what are you eating?” Get her to loosen up first, perhaps over a nice meal, and wait for her to tell you on her own. If you’re out with friends, there’s no harm texting her occasionally to let her know she’s on your mind.

6. Saying we don’t want to eat but end up eating 80% of your portion

Because we’re fickle minded and it lessens the guilt when you do the ordering.

Solution:

Order more food. You’re welcome, girls.

7. Having nothing to wear despite a full closet

Hence, she will borrow your clothes. And it’ll mysteriously disappear, forever.

Solution:

Buy more clothes. You’re welcome, girls.

8. What she means by “leave me alone”

When she says “leave me alone”, she either means “hug me tighter” or “run before I decapitate you with my gel nails and feed you to the HDB rats.” Your fate depends on the level of damage inflicted.

Solution:

Don’t fight fire with fire. If you guys had a fight, give her time to cool down, then probe gently to check if she’s ready to talk. If it’s clearly your fault and she refuses to speak to you, tell her “I’m sorry you feel this way but let me know what will make you feel better.”

9. Always assuming the worst possible scenarios

He must be watching porn. He must be fantasising about another girl. He must be flirting with some hot colleague. I think he’s lying when he says he thinks I’m the best girlfriend in the world. I bet he thinks I’m crazy.

Tell a girl she’s beautiful a thousand times and she won’t believe you. Tell her she’s ugly once and she’ll remember you said it 8 months ago at 7.35pm. Girls weren’t born this insecure. It’s probably because they met bad eggs along the way who broke their trust.

Solution:

When you ask a girl to share her feelings, don’t turn into the hulk just because you don’t like what you hear. Telling her that she’s thinking too much could aggravate the problem. Even if she tells you that she’s a diehard fan of Donald Trump, you need to calm her (or yourself) down and talk it out. Insecurity won’t vanish overnight, but love and loyalty will stand the test of time.

10. Dealing with princess behaviour

You cheated on me in my dreams, apologise.
It’s your fault, apologise.
It’s my fault but you made me angry by being angry, apologise.

Solution:

It’s very important for men to have barriers or girls will disrespect them. You cannot give in to ridiculous requests just to pacify your princess. You can playfully tease “Are you asking me to apologise for you dreaming of me cheating on you?”. She’ll see how silly her request is and laugh. And by holding your ground, it’ll help you distinguish yourself from guys out there who say sorry for nothing. This also helps the girl understand her limits and she’ll respect you more.

The Boyfriend’s Guide

Whenever I ask a couple what they usually argue about, they’ll hesitate for a brief moment before going “actually I don’t really know leh, just little things that add up.”

Petty arguments escalate when one party places their ego above the other. Successful relationships are based on mutual respect. Love itself won’t solve arguments if you can’t communicate effectively.

Author Leigh Ann Lunsford’s grandmother once told her “relationships are work, honey, and they aren’t 50/50. Some days when I get up I only feel like giving 10%, then your granddaddy has to give 90% that day. But there is always 100% love.”

On behalf of females, we would like to convey our deepest gratitude to all men out there who have stuck by us through rollercoaster emotions. But we’re not saying we’re in the wrong though. It wasn’t us, it was our hormones.