Large Age Gaps In Relationships
When it comes to relationships, there’s always a large unspoken factor – age. There are many who find large age gap relationships unconventional, but there are also some who believe that age is just a number. However, with our society becoming relatively more open-minded, this factor may not be as taboo anymore.
We spoke to three couples to share with us how they made their own age gaps in the relationship work and whether age truly matters in one.
Disclaimer: Some names have been altered to protect the identities of our interviewees.
1. “Respect is another key factor”
Kevin and his partner’s two cats
Image courtesy of Kevin
“I am 28 and my partner is 48 this year. We’re currently engaged with our wedding set for July. We met when I was on holiday in Canada back in 2017.
He texted me on New Year’s Day in 2019 with this:
This text marked the start of their relationship
Image courtesy of Kevin
I think it helps that my fiance gives the impression that he’s only 37, 38 instead of being 20 years my senior, so there was not that much judgement from my friends. I’ve been told I’m pretty mature and I act older than I am, so his family has been very welcoming.
He used to be worried that I’ll eventually leave him for someone younger when I grow older but I don’t think that’ll be the case. Ride or die.
We’re pretty lucky that we see eye to eye on 99% of things. For me, age isn’t really an issue. I don’t think about it, and I don’t bring it up unless it’s just to state facts.
My partner respects me so much and he never feels the need to put me down or remind me of my junior, fresh-out-of-college status. He sees me as his equal despite earning five times my salary. We both bring something to the table, and we both complement each other in many aspects, and it’s something that is important for all relationships. It just so happens that ours has a 20 year gap.
Other guys who I’ve dated who were significantly older would always bring up how I’m in a different stage of life and they’re all settled and I’m just thinking, “Yes, I know? Why do you have to keep reminding me like I’m someone to be infantilised?”
Communication is important, especially in a relationship where one partner might be in a different stage of life compared to the other. Respect is another key factor. Both parties have to understand that there is an age gap but their love transcends the numbers on a calendar.”
Advice for others who are pursuing or are in a large gap relationship:
“Both parties have to acknowledge that there’s an age gap and they’ll both be at different stages in life. Make your peace, and it’ll be a normal relationship from there on out.”
– Kevin, 28
2. “Understanding and trying to understand your partner”
Image courtesy of Brendon and Blanche
“We met via the online streaming platform BIGO and we’re married currently, with an age gap of 6 years. Our experience has been amazing – we didn’t feel out of place, and the age gap has never been a matter of concern for us.
There were skepticisms in the initial phases of the relationship from both friends and families, but after some time and meeting everyone on both sides, it became comfortable and accepted by them. Both of us connected on a similar level of perspective and maturity right from the start.
Some challenges we faced were family culture and beliefs. There was an event where one party entered the working world earlier, and the dynamics shifted as our physical time was lessened. We both learned to plan more time to spend together amidst the busy schedules.
Eventually, we tied the knot and now we have two wonderful kids. To us, understanding learning to accept your partner is the most important. Being patient during tumultuous times makes a relationship more resilient. Give it time, and if it still bothers you, then bring the matter across calmly. Age difference might affect one’s relationship to another, but it is not a key factor in determining the success or health of a relationship.”
Advice for others who are pursuing or are in a large gap relationship:
“Give things time and meet the people who matter in both your lives.”
– Brendon (30) & Blanche (24)
3. “We come to a compromise”
“My husband is 8 years older than me and we met on Tinder when I was 25. I almost overlooked him, but I was feeling bored and agreed to meet. From there, I fell hard, and thankfully he felt the same way about me. Even though we had a shotgun wedding 7 months in, we’ve been married for 7 years. Now, we have two kids together.
The cut-off age for men had always been 4 years older – any older and I wouldn’t even have considered. I once rejected a dude for being 6 years older than me because we were in different life stages. But I felt so strongly for my husband that I threw the age limit out of the window. I think it actually helped that he was older because we were both looking to settle down.
I think personality and similar values are defining factors of how compatible you are. I am always surprised by the age gap because we get along so well. I totally forget we are 8 years apart until we talk about him being in primary school, and me being non-existent.
We’re always on the same page. I have just as much respect as I have love for him, and I always appreciate his opinion because he has so much more life experience. When we can’t agree on something, we come to a compromise or pray about the situation. I can only give counsel but ultimately, I let my husband make the decisions for the family and I have to respect that.
I think regardless of age, respect is all that matters. If you respect your partner, everything can be worked out.”
Advice for others who are pursuing or are in a large gap relationship:
“Don’t let the naysayers get you down. Focus on your own relationship, because that’s all that matters.”
– Hannah, 31
These Couples In Singapore Show That Age Doesn’t Determine The Success Of A Relationship
Every relationship has its own highs and lows. Most of these couples show that their relationship is no different from the average couple, and instead, they choose to overcome any judgement or obstacle together.
As they say, age is just a number, especially when love comes into play. Through these couples’ experiences, hopefully more people will be less quick to judge and to start normalising large age gaps in relationships.
Also read:
9 Famous Relationships In Singapore With Large Age Gaps That Prove Age Is Just A Number
