What Would Zula Do
WWZD is a new column where we answer submissions from our readers, from queries to confessions or even recurring dreams. While we are no experts in this thing called life, sometimes all you need is a listening ear from your e-BFF, anonymously.
Write to us at bit.ly/wwzulado.
WWZD: I lied to my boyfriend about being a virgin
I lied to my boyfriend that I’m a virgin because I’m his first and I think he would mind even though he is quite a few years older than me. I’m afraid that in the future he will find out about it. What should I do?
—J, 21, Female
The fact that you are writing anonymously to unqualified therapists on the internet proves one thing: the lie is eating you up inside.
For the sake of your mental health, confess it. Somebody once told me there’s a reason why Catholic confession boxes have lasted through the generations—people need somewhere to release their guilt. I’m no priest but if I could proclaim you forgiven in the name of God, I would.
That being said, the closure you need has to come from you and your boyfriend. In other words, there’s a third party in your relationship and it’s your dishonesty. It might not be apparent now but it’s a ghost that will keep coming back to haunt the both of you.
I know you will be a nervous wreck before your confession. Is there even an appropriate opportunity to break the news? Nope. It will be ugly, tears will be shed, it ain’t going to be a pretty date. But it will be way better than when he discovers a missing hymen when you finally do the deed as a couple.
As they say, love bears all things. And I’m hoping what you share is truly love.
I’ve been in your boyfriend’s position. What hurt me was not that my partners were more sexually experienced than I was, but that they had lied about it. I was upset that they didn’t think I could handle the truth, and I predict that’s how your boyfriend would feel if you drag it out any longer.
If he does feel insecure that you’ve slept with other people, you can try assuring him that your past experiences don’t make sex with him any less special. Otherwise, you can say that the previous guys had smaller dicks. That tends to work, I’ve realised.
I’m sure you’ve heard by now that virginity is an archaic concept that religion and the patriarchy use to police women’s bodies. We’ve come a long way from the days new brides had to hang their blood-stained sheets for the neighbours to see, so I hope you remember that you are more than your sex history.
All the best,
Cover image by Kirstina Flour / Unsplash