*Names were changed to protect identities
I can’t count the number of times I’ve opened up my IG/FB message requests to be greeted by a hand wrapped around a penis at attention as if expecting me to give it a kiss on the head for showing up.
Often, these pictures come unaccompanied—no greeting or small talk. Zero warning. Just a disembodied, ham-fisted dick, digitally shoved in my face.
In an attempt to uncover why some men choose to become the online equivalent of a bus stop flasher, I surveyed guys who often send women unsolicited weiner pics, and asked them why.
Kevin, 21, is the first guy I talked to. I asked him why he makes unsuspecting women look at photos of his ‘trouser snake’.
“I know that my dick is larger than average, so I guess I’m looking for compliments.” This makes sense because I send selfies to guys I’m dating all the time. They say nice things that make me feel good about myself.
He went on to explain how his friends also believe that sending women a dick pic is a surefire, low-cost method of weeding out women who are uninterested in a sexual relationship.
“Not all girls will reply positively, but those that do, you know they’re DTF. Plus, sending a girl dick pics is a way of getting them to send you nudes back.”
Some guys like Paul, 27, corroborate Benjamin’s theory. “I mass send it to a bunch of girls. It’s a numbers game. As long as you cast a wide net it’s guaranteed that at least a handful of girls will be turned on and want to hook up.”
Seeing how this science-based approach works for Benjamin and Paul, I’m almost impressed.
But I wanted to know what they did with the photos. They revealed a lot of guys have wank folders where they store the racy photos girls send them. This gives me the heebie-jeebies, but I don’t tell them that.
The next couple of guys I spoke to revealed a good portion of men use dick pics as a method of flirting. “I’ve only ever sent dick pics to someone I was in a sexual relationship with, so I knew that they’d be happy to receive it”, says Jonathan, 19. “It amps up the sexual tension.”
Stephen, who is 28, has ‘nobler’ intentions. He claims he only sends women dick pics as a response to their suggestive photos. Is this what equality is? *wipes tear from cheek*
“I don’t do it all that much, only when girls send me a sexy cleavage shot or butt picture. I don’t want them to feel like it’s a one-sided exchange, so I send a dick pic. It makes it mutual and equal.”
However, when I questioned if men thought girls liked receiving dick pics, 22-year-old Andrew’s response best summed up the difference between male and female perspectives.
“I dunno, I’d be pleasantly surprised by a random boob photo so I don’t see how it’s different.”
And that’s when the proverbial fog lifts.
The real issue here is the mismatch between male and female perspectives on unsolicited crotch shots. While it is common for both genders to exchange racy photos, women are more likely to wait until asked.
It could be because women are in a far more precarious position if these pictures are disseminated. Or that women are just less presumptuous than men.
But really, men are more prone to committing spontaneous digital sexual assault because they tend to overperceive strangers’ sexual interest. Exchanging genitalia photos seems to be part of the mating process for some men—the logic is poor, but the motivation is obvious.
But here’s the thing, folks. Women are almost never ‘pleasantly surprised’ by a random dick pic. Women are often traumatised, appalled, and in turn, horrified when you assault our social media inboxes with a spontaneous picture of your veiny member.
Personally, being on the receiving end of an unsolicited dick pic is uncomfortable and makes me feel objectified, violated, and disgusted. Sometimes I question myself: what did I do to bring this on?
The dick pic perpetrator has made it clear that I had no choice in whether I wanted to see their dicks. And most women I spoke to agreed with this statement.
After we’ve recovered from the initial shock, it’s likely we’ll either show the photo to the friends we are hanging out with or screenshot and forward the message to a group chat.
Ultimately, don’t send women photos of your skin-flute unless you know for a fact that she’ll be happy to see it. That is unless you’re prepared to be named and shamed.
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