Real Best Friends
2016 is coming to a close but all these festive feels have us reflecting on what we’re grateful for this Christmas. And as cliché as it sounds, one of our greatest gifts is the family we get to choose—our friends.
Connecting with others is much easier now with social media. But the older we get, networks expand and circles get smaller. We realise that friends who remain true since day one aren’t easy to come by. Here, 20 Singaporean millennials share what makes someone bestie material.
Someone who accepts our flaws
Someone who knows everything about you—your background, insecurities, flaws, past mistakes. They’re willing to understand you without judging your choices. But they’ll tell you the truth even if it’s harsh, to help you grow. They’re supportive, real, honest, and open-minded.
Tian Poh, 21
The kind of friend I can sob in front of until my mascara comes off. And comfortably fart around. She’s human, not a magical crystal ball, so I understand if she doesn’t always know how to be there for me. But to see her try throughout the good and bad times (as I will for her) is what makes someone a best friend.
A friend who is willing to roll me around in a wheelchair if I can’t walk one day, not just when we’re young with common interests. Someone who is happy for my happiness. Someone who can handle me when I’m a bitch and stand up for my reputation because they know who I am deep down.
Someone who still wants to be around me even after I’ve screwed up. When I became somebody I wasn’t, they made it known to me and got me back on track. They are loyal, so I know I can count on them. And I can trust them to never let my secrets out.
Someone who’s gone through thick and thin with you. You guys share this emotional connection, so they can tell when your behaviour means something’s up. And they’re always the person to hear you out when you need an outlet or some advice.
Someone who is straight up
I never believed in the term “best friend” until I realised my current girl friend is someone I’d go to the ends of the Earth for. She’s there for me when I’m choked with tears, and she knows how to handle my emotional outbursts. She’s protective of me, and isn’t afraid to call me out on my bullshit (because she means well). She puts in the time and effort to keep our friendship going strong.
Someone who never allows you to do something stupid; they’ll tell you the hard truth, even if it might hurt or aggravate your feelings, because they only have the best interests at heart for you. A best friend is the next best thing to have in your life, after your family.
Someone who doesn’t drift even if we’re physically apart
The misconception: A best friend has to be into the same things as you or share the same hobbies. But that’s not true. To me, it’s about functioning on the same wavelength and connecting on core values. Studying overseas has taught me that my BFFs and I need not talk everyday to retain the mutual understanding we’re bound by.
My best friend is someone I can literally tell almost anything to. It’s someone whom I don’t need to meet often, but still feel close to. He is the person I know will always be there for me, ready to make sacrifices when necessary.
Someone we can laugh with
Someone I can be unapologetically myself with. Laughing at fart jokes at 5am? Check. Agreeing to move in together and become crazy cat ladies if we’re still single at 35? Sure. I guess it’s all about finding someone who accepts you for you—which includes all your weird and crazy sides.
Someone I can feel at total ease talking to and who shares the same sense of humor as me. They’ll tag me in memes and we can laugh at lame things together. They have a listening ear, forgiving heart and open mind.
Someone who sticks by us
A friend who is willing to meet me in Jurong when we live in the East, if I really need someone to talk to. They’ll neither flake on plans last minute nor make you feel left aside. You can be apart for extended periods but still know they’ve got your back no matter what.
Someone who sticks by my side at my best and worst. They’re there when I need them—be it work, family, or personal problems, even if I’m terribly busy. I think honesty is one of the qualities that define a best friend; someone who isn’t afraid of telling me the truth even if it’s bad.
Someone our family approves of
A best friend is someone my family trusts—and they treat them like a part of it. They’ve the privilege of coming over any time and openly helping themselves to my fridge and bed.
Someone who can make sacrifices
They’ll help you get on the right path. They’ll accept you for who you are and support your decisions. They’ll listen to the million stories you have. You’ll laugh with them like there’s no tomorrow and miss them every minute they’re not around.
They’re there for you even when no one else is on your side. They can put your development ahead of their own sometimes and push you even if it means they lose out.
Someone who doesn’t play games
Someone who is truthful and sincere. You guys don’t have to put on a front when you’re with each other. You don’t have to worry about how to act because you guys are completely comfortable around each other.
The relationship is real and genuine, no games or lies. What defines a best friend to me is their sincerity, open-mindedness and honesty.
Jing Wen, 20
Someone who remains constant despite different paths
Someone who is willing to stay true to you for the rest of your life. No matter how much you or the friendship has changed, a best friend will never leave you and will always support you.
My best friends go all the way back to Secondary School days. Even if we have our own careers, relationships and paths, our bond remains constant. We may have different responsibilities now but we still put in the effort to meetup once a year, which has lasted over a decade. They’re the ones who aren’t friends because of any benefits, and that makes the friendship pure.
Friendship That Lasts
It’s so easy for us to say what we expect of others, but before you can consider someone else a best friend, you’ve to be worthy of its title first. So when you come across someone who is happy for your happiness and shows you that they care, treasure them. Because who else would you rather ring the new year in with?