There are some people we instantly connect with, some we keep in our “what if” circle, and some we would never date in a million years.
However, being in the friend zone doesn’t mean that you’re “unworthy” or anything “less” than a boyfriend. It just means that you can be the juiciest slab of salmon belly, but she’ll still pick pizza over you simply because you’re not her favourite cuisine.
While everyone knows that the main reason for rejection is usually due to the lack of “feelings”, not many will ever discover the hundred other micro reasons girls can have. To find out, we asked 20 Singaporean girls to tell us what made them part the red sea between “boy” and “friend”.
He was really sweet but I think he tried too hard. He’d suck up to my mum and call her “mama”, which is weird as hell ’cause even I don’t call her that. Plus, he didn’t like my dog.
Kat, 23
He became that guy who would listen to me talk about other guys. I was more interested in seeing other people and weighing my options. He was also quite negative and grumbled a lot—I’m the type of person who feeds off the other person’s energy, so I didn’t like that. He didn’t give me the feeling that I was safe.
Jiaxing, 27
He was nice, but it felt as if his niceness wasn’t genuine—he didn’t even know who I was inside and he was already interested in me. Where’s the logic in that?
Penelope, 25
He was very petty. He would get upset whenever he felt that I hadn’t talked to him in a while. He even wrote me a rap song about that once. *shudders*
Amanda, 23
He got damn clingy even though I wasn’t his girlfriend. He expected me to tell him my whereabouts all the time and got angry when I didn’t.
Priya, 19
He was clingy to the extent that it felt as if he forced his ideas on me. When I was going abroad to study, he forced me to attend a farewell party with a group of people I wasn’t even close to, just because he wanted to have a farewell. After I left, he wrote me a letter telling me how disappointed he was with me.
Beatrice, 27
To me, a future means getting married and marriage is more about practicality than an emotional bond. We didn’t have the same goals in life, so I just didn’t see that happening between us.
Sana, 19
He went along with every opinion I had, liked everything I liked, and basically let me step all over him. I couldn’t stand how he couldn’t stand up for himself.
Jaime, 20
He was not a very nice person. He’d be really nice to me, but you could tell from the way he treated others that he was not inherently kind, and I just couldn’t roll with that.
Kim, 24
Beneath his dapper suit and pretty face, I knew he was just a “man-child”. He’d claim credit for every insignificant gesture and rattle on about all his financial/academic achievements in life without noticing how bored I was.
Tams, 24
I couldn’t imagine us banging for the rest of our lives due to the lack of physical chemistry. If there’s no sexual attraction, my engine will not start.
Lynn, 24
I didn’t see him as the potential father to my children because someone can be a great boyfriend, but a terrible family man. And at the end of the day, every relationship will lead to a breakup or marriage, so you might as well think about it carefully at the start.
Chrys, 30
TBH, I had the vibe that he was an fboy. That doesn’t bother me as your friend, but if you think you can play games with me, you’ve got to check yourself.
Vivian, 22
Although he confessed his feelings to me, he’ll always remain as a close friend because he’s a player. Being with him would be messy. No matter how much he says he loves someone, his heart will easily move on.
Christine, 24
I rejected him because I had no romantic feelings for him. Even though he’s attached now, he still gets salty when he sees things related to my crush on social media.
Inez, 19
He’s immature at times, we can’t connect on an emotional level, and I’m just not attracted to him.
Eli, 25
He was like a brother to me and I couldn’t see him in a romantic way. Also, he would interrogate me about what I saw in the guy I was interested in and rant about how that guy wasn’t good enough.
Shaniqua, 22
We weren’t very close, but we were friends. One night when we were partying, he assumed he could take advantage of the situation because I’d had a few drinks. He tried to hold my hand and act like we had that kind of relationship. It’s always a bad sign when someone doesn’t understand boundaries.
Helen, 25
We met in a club and became close friends, but we never put a label on things. We were good together, but nothing progressed even though we both knew we had feelings for each other. I guess on one hand I knew he was moving to Australia shortly, so I didn’t want to mess up a perfectly good friendship over it.
Kit, 28
He was the husband-material kind of good guy; extremely smart, disciplined, well groomed, etc. As friends, we clicked. But I knew he wasn’t able to handle my mental issues if I were to get comfortable with him. Rejection hurts, but relationships can hurt far more.
Lisa, 26
Every girl has a different story to tell, but the gist remains: don’t try to force your way out of the friend zone. It’s better to keep a good friendship than to lose everything when you put too much pressure on the other party.
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