When Relationships Turn Toxic

Thought Catalog, since my college years, has been a go-to website for many of my peers for inspiring articles. It appears more frequent on their browser tabs during break-up seasons (not surprising). These days, while scrolling through social media posts about friends going through heartbreaks, lies many re-posts of really depressing articles from Thought Catalog.

This makes me think, why would anyone want to read titles such as “Ten Reasons Why You Should Never Date Me”? I’m not sure about you but if I were in a broken state of mind (and heart), I doubt I would want to read something that makes me feel…worse?

To make things clear, I’m not saying that all Thought Catalog articles are bad. They’ve got neat articles that make you go “Yes I’ve got the drive to be that better person!” Other times, they make you think “Am I just as bad?”

Unnecessary Paranoia

It’s definitely okay seeking advice, but people’s perspectives or experiences should not entirely define your love life. The moment you allow yourself to start thinking of the possible downfalls of a relationship just because someone wrote a negative experience, you’ve already lost half the battle. Firstly, it makes you generate unnecessary paranoia. Secondly, you dive into a deeper trap of plausible outcomes of the relationship’s end. Lastly, you will begin dwelling in a lot of self-hate, which you seriously do not need.

Relationship articles on such websites are to generate different sets of audiences. Some want happy posts, others want the darker side of things, like depressing articles that cue the phrase “all them feels”, even if they may not be relevant to their lives.

The various authors write in a way that makes people think, no matter how their thoughts fall through in a good or bad way. It is always healthier to read articles with a pinch of salt. Why let your heart fall into a farrago of Maybes or Whys when you have barely taken the first steps?

Imagine this exampleYou’re reading an article that says how “statistics” show that supposedly 90% of long distance couples usually fall out. The first negative reaction that comes to mind is “Crap, so if my partner and I do LDR we’d probably break up eventually.” Before you even allow yourself to think this way, have you thought about the 10% who made it through? This is a precious 10% of whatever statistics that were accumulated, and this group of couples would’ve probably given more valuable advice than the 90% whose LDRs had failed.

Don’t Define A Type of Guy To Date

A couple of other articles talk about the type of men you should and should not date. To each his own, but I never believed that there is a specific type of partner you should confine yourself to while dating.

Other than the fact you should not date a serial cheater (unless you have a strange desire to know how that feels like), you should not scale down the attributes of your desired partner without getting to know someone thoroughly. “Almost lovers” happens sometimes. It is the inevitable part of learning how to love somebody, where in unfortunate cases, our efforts may not get reciprocated. But hey, that is part and parcel, and it molds your personal growth especially when you face rejection with grace.

Being In A Relationship

The beautiful journey of a blossoming relationship consists of both the joys and tribulations, obviously takes both hands to clap, and a whole lot of trust and hard work. Perhaps even a lot of trial and error needs to be done, before the right one falls into place. More often than not, our other halves appear at the most unexpected times.

Love is the choice and the emotion and the feeling and the spontaneity and the hardships and the laughter and the sex, hugs, kisses, tears, all rolled into one. It is not what you read on Thought Catalog, it cannot be explained simply. Love is what you make out of it.