Yup. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve never had sex. There I said it.
Growing up, I’ve had countless people probe about my non-existent sex life.
When I revealed I was keeping sex for marriage, I’d often get “Confirm some boy screw you over, that’s why you don’t want to date” as a reply.
To most, choosing to remain a virgin is a choice so rare it borders abnormal. I’ve gotten this reaction so many times I’ve started to question: Is it really that weird to be a virgin?
Being in a relationship and having sex has become the new norm for social success and happiness. For both men and women, if we’re single or haven’t had sexual intercourse, we’re often labelled “prudes” or “sad losers who are #foreveralone”.
Yet, when women are more sexually active or more upfront about their sexuality, they’re called “sluts” and other derogatory names.
No matter a woman’s choice, sexual expression (or the lack thereof) can feel like a bad thing.
Personally, I choose to remain a virgin largely because I feel sex is not something to be taken lightly.
In my many years of playing Aunt Agony to the people around me, I’ve realised sex usually makes a bad romantic situation a lot worse.
I’ve had friends who remained in abusive relationships because the make-up sex was “sooo good”.
They ended up pushing serious issues to the back of their minds and clinging to a relationship long past its expiration date.
It doesn’t help Singaporean Millennials as young as 12 are becoming sexually active, often before they’re mature enough to deal with the emotional fallout of sex.
Brought up on a diet of movies and chick flicks, we’re taught sex is the physical expression of love. What these movies don’t teach you is how to differentiate between casual sex and sex with a significant other.
Casual sex with an FWB (Friends with Benefits) tends to be fuelled by lust and is void of emotions, while sex with a significant other is usually motivated by love and desire.
When you have sex at a younger age, there is a higher chance of confusing the two and catching feelings for an FWB. This could emotionally wreck you if your feelings go unreciprocated.
It’s likely a 16-year-old and a 25-year-old will handle the emotional consequences of sex differently. A 25-year-old is likely to be more emotionally mature, and better equipped to understand how to discern between the two.
I’m not saying all young people aren’t emotionally mature, it’s just that some things can only be learnt through experience and time.
Admittedly, I sometimes have FOMO when friends talk about their wildest sexcapades and latest hookups when we hang out.
But at the same time, it’s liberating to know that I don’t have to worry about unplanned pregnancies, STDs or F-boys.
Though I do want to fit in, there’s comfort in knowing you’re not giving in to peer pressure and having sex just for the sake of conforming.
It’s absolutely okay to feel like you’re not ready to go all the way, and it’s okay to wait till you are.
At the end of the day, sex is a deeply personal choice.
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