No one can ever escape the “Not dating anyone yet ah?” questions that our kaypoh aunties and uncles bombard us with during family gatherings. However, many people, myself included, are choosing to be single in today’s dating landscape. Rather than following the traditional path of settling down with a partner, a growing number of Singaporeans are prioritising our freedom and independence above all else.
As someone who is content with being single, I don’t feel the need to bring a partner into my life if it means changing something that is already going well. Plus, dating nowadays is just too complicated. Many people are too preoccupied with aimlessly swiping through dating apps, and connections feel more superficial and sexual, than genuine.
Below, I spoke to 7 like-minded Singaporeans who have also chosen to stay single amidst today’s chaotic dating landscape. They’ve shared the reasons behind their decision, and have also included some pro tips for navigating the modern dating scene.
If you’re undergoing dating app fatigue, or want to find empowerment in singledom, let these Singaporeans offer some insight.
Image courtesy of Jovan
“I’ve been ghosted multiple times, which is unclassy. Sure, things may not always work out, but I believe in the old-fashioned approach of ending things amicably.
However, we live in an era of dating apps where people have too many choices, and this abundance has become a hindrance when it comes to finding a partner. People flirt and ghost, citing commitment issues as the reason they can’t commit. They don’t put in effort in real life to connect with others and then complain that they can’t find anyone that fits their values and beliefs.
Being single means I can focus on my degree and devote my energy to ensuring that my health is in good shape. It has also allowed me to pursue my interests without having to worry about making time for a partner.
We are all social creatures that crave intimacy, love and affection. You might ask yourself, “Will I be fated to be alone for the rest of my life?”. Nevertheless, use this time to develop yourself—be it your health, personality, or anything else—and strive to be the person you would want to date.”
– Jovan, 23
“When I was younger, I had crushes on girls but I was interested in boys too. As I grew older, I realised that I liked boys, but having a relationship with someone of the same gender was taboo. Hence, I didn’t bother with relationships and wasn’t desperate to seek one.
Even within the gay community, dating apps feel pretty redundant because many use them just for flings. Most of my friends got into relationships through mutual introductions, but because the gay community is so small in Singapore, your friend’s partner might be someone you know—or perhaps someone you’ve hooked up with. So, there’s that.
Now that Singapore is becoming slightly more open to these relationships, I do see more guys openly dating and taking relationships seriously. However, I won’t deny that cheating is very common, alongside polyamorous relationships.
Despite all that, the biggest reason why I am staying single would be because of my family. Being gay in a conservative household is a big no-no and bringing a boy home might leave me permanently homeless. I also put my mom’s happiness before mine and I know that she will not be glad if she sees me with another man.
Growing up with many insecurities has also played a part in my decision. As much as I want to fall in love with someone, I’m afraid that they’ll eventually fall out of love with me. I also fear that I wouldn’t know how to keep a relationship going.
Although it’s fun to have a partner in crime to do things with, having more “me” time and going out alone is pretty peaceful as well. Plus, I don’t have to share my desserts!”
– Rafe, 27
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“There are so many different terms in the modern dating scene, and it’s no longer as simple as “I like you, let’s be together” or “I don’t like you, we can’t be together”. Nowadays, there are so many grey areas, aka situationships, that make relationships more complicated.
People want all the positive aspects of a relationship without having to deal with the negatives that come with one. I was in a situationship that I thought was going pretty well. However, I was hit with an “I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship”, just when I thought it was time for us to take the next step.
What was all that dating for if there was no intention of actual commitment in the first place?
After a few more talking stages, I grew tired of investing my energy in uncertainty because it has proven time and time again that no matter how great you think a certain relationship is, there’s still a chance of it failing.
I’ve come to like being single because instead of investing time in others and worrying about whether relationships will turn out the way you want, you get to spend more time and energy on yourself. I cannot deny that I miss the intimacy of being in a relationship with someone you love, but so far, I have been feeling so at peace and content with where I’m at in life.
– Kassy, 28
“I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because he had cheated on me multiple times. He was also manipulative and was not ready to commit to a long-term relationship.
After the breakup, I downloaded various dating apps and explored connections with some of my guy friends. However, I went on to reject several potential partners, not because I could not move on from my previous relationship, but because I didn’t think we were compatible enough. I noticed that many of them weren’t ready for mature and committed relationships, and often preferred casual ones, which wasn’t what I was looking for.
As I’ve been cheated on previously, I continue to be cautious when it comes to meeting people. Even if they claim that they’re ready for commitment, I still have this lingering fear that they won’t be as faithful as I would be in the relationship.
Being single initially was tough for me. I found myself missing the attention that I had when I had a partner and there wasn’t anyone to look to for comfort, especially since I was the only child. However, to steer away from disappointment and keep me sane, I decided to explore the peaceful single life.”
– Anon, 23
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Image courtesy of Charmian
“Having been in 3 previous long-distance relationships, I found them quite difficult to maintain over time. Relationships like these require a lot of trust. If I didn’t contact them first, they wouldn’t contact me.
Money-wise, I wanted to be able to save, provide for my family, and still have money to spend on myself. If I had any extra disposable income, I could then use it on my partner. However, I often felt drained, as I barely had enough money to get by and still felt pressure to support and provide for my partner.
Being single has been good for me. I’ve made more friends and now have more time to spend on myself. I also save a lot more since I no longer have to spend unnecessarily on someone else.
To those struggling with being single, don’t rush into a relationship. Instead, take the time to treat yourself well so that, if you find a partner in the future, they can live up to how you treat yourself.”
– Charmian, 24
Image courtesy of Isabel
“Sometimes I forget that I’m “supposed to” get attached, marry, and settle down according to the societal timeline. It was only over the last 2 years that I noticed that the vast majority of the people my age at least have a partner, and admittedly, it made me slightly more conscious of the fact that I was single.
However, to me, being single is a default setting, as we are not all born already attached to someone. Plus, as someone who has never been in a relationship before, I don’t have any experience to compare singlehood to, so I don’t really know what I’m missing out on.
I find it pretty difficult to plan ahead, but of course, there’s the age-old worry about what will happen when I get older. Ultimately, I hold onto the belief that what’s meant for you will always find you. However, I still secretly hope to fulfil my dream of simply living with housemates who will make every day feel like a wild sleepover!
Maybe this season is about learning to form connections, not attachments. I find myself falling a little in love with my friends and connecting with them on a deeper level. I don’t think of myself as an emotional person, but I’m not ashamed to say that when I find a good friend, I love them intensely and want to know everything about them.
If I have the privilege of experiencing romance, I’ll welcome it with open arms, but till then, or if not, I’m satisfied building a life I love with people whom I call my chosen family.”
– Isabel, 25
“When you’re with someone, the relationship should make you feel happier than when you’re single, no? Otherwise, what is the point of having a partner?
I think it all boils down to whether having a partner is essential for your happiness. For me, it definitely is not. I used to be very insistent on wanting kids, so I felt the need to find a partner quickly. Ironically, as I grew older, I didn’t feel as much pressure to follow the traditional path of dating, getting married, and having kids anymore.
I can’t lie—the pressure still gets to me sometimes, especially when I see my peers getting attached left, right, and centre. However, when I see how couples around me argue over the smallest things, I find myself reaffirming my decision to stay single.
Yes, it feels nice to be able to depend on someone when things get tough, but in my opinion, if I feel happier alone than with someone else, I’d rather stay single. Why settle for less? I’ve also come to appreciate the freedom of being single because I don’t have to account for someone else’s thoughts and feelings when making decisions that concern me.”
– Anon, 23
In a world where dating has become increasingly complicated, more and more people are choosing to embrace the single life, free from all the drama and expectations that often come with it. It’s clear that more are shifting away from societal norms when it comes to dating, and focusing on independence and personal growth.
While adjusting to life without a partner may take time, you may eventually come to realise that being single isn’t that bad after all.
Also, remember you won’t have to share your desserts!
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