Previously, we found out from real-life couples that having large age gaps in relationships isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, there is a huge elephant in the room when it comes to many girls’ dating criteria ― height.
While some might say that height is subjective and what matters is on the inside, why are so many girls still going for men who are significantly taller than them? After all, the saying is “tall, dark and handsome”.
Below, we asked eight Singaporean girls on how they would feel dating someone who isn’t taller than them, or stereotypically tall at all.
Disclaimer: Some names have been altered to protect the identities of our interviewees.
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“I think if you really love someone, height shouldn’t matter. In fact, my old crush was shorter than me. I was teased by my friends for liking a smaller guy but I liked him because he was sweet and good-looking. His height didn’t take away his good traits.
Short guys are cute. Personality and how he treats me are way more important than how tall he is. I am generally not that picky when it comes to the appearance of my partner. I would not mind if my current boyfriend was shorter than me because it won’t affect his ability to be a good boyfriend.”
Advice to shorter guys: “Be yourself! You are not less of a man for being on the shorter side. If a girl doesn’t accept you because of your height then you dodged a bullet! You deserve someone who likes you regardless of your appearance.”
— Afiqah, 19
“Having a tall partner was a requirement for me when I was younger. However as time passed, I valued personality and compatibility a lot more after meeting various people.
Although I am 165cm, I would consider going out with a guy who is on the shorter side. Like why not? I did date someone who was considered small, in societal terms, and he was a really great guy. It goes to show that height shouldn’t be a defining factor on whether you should date someone or not.
After all, he might have the funniest personality or he could be the most caring person you will ever meet. Regardless of their height, as long as the person loves you ― that is all you need.”
Advice to shorter guys: “Some girls out there love short kings. Let your personality shine through and don’t let your insecurities get the best of you.”
— Joy, 23
“Truthfully speaking, height does influence my decision on whether I would date someone. I know that it is superficial but I tend to be attracted to men who are taller than me.
I doubt I will pursue a relationship with someone who is shorter or nearly the same height as me – I might feel like a giant if I were to stand next to them.
When I discussed this topic with my friends, it seems like most of us prefer our men to be tall and would only date someone who is bigger than us.”
Advice to shorter guys: “Height isn’t everything so just slay with your personality.”
— Tricia, 23
“I wouldn’t date someone that is on the shorter side unless there are strong aspects of the person that I respect or like. Height does hinder me from pursuing a romantic relationship with someone of a shorter stature, so it does matter to me.
The average Singaporean height for women is around 161cm. It’s not tough for shorter guys to find someone to date here. Maybe the chances are lower but there are girls out there who are willing to date short men. My ex-roommate in university was around 145cm to 150cm and her boyfriend is 160cm to 165cm.
Generally, girls love taller guys as they provide them with a sense of security because of traditional society expectations and gender stereotypes — within the couple, the man should at least be bigger in a sense.”
Advice to shorter guys: “There will always be someone who doesn’t mind about the height difference so don’t worry so much! Being able to click well together and being genuine are just as important.”
— Gabrielle, 22
“I am about 157cm, the most petite among my friends, so I would prefer to date someone taller than me. People would assume that the man has to be bigger than the woman so breaking that societal stereotype may be weird to some.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and height is the same too. To some people, 165cm to 171cm may be considered short but personally, I’m okay as long as the guy is taller than me.
Since I am quite petite, most guys meet my requirements and I doubt I will find someone shorter than me. If someone were to be smaller than me, I would see him as a little brother. Although, I have seen a lot of men in relationships with girls who are of the same height or taller than them. It’s what is inside that matters at the end of the day.”
Advice to shorter guys: “Work on other areas of your life!”
— Sarah, 24
“I would say I try not to care but subconsciously, I might feel like it is an important factor. It’s also because I’m already pretty short and below average for women in Singapore.
I don’t have any issues with guys who are shorter than me, we can still be friends. Height is not something that one can control, so it wouldn’t be nice of me to make assumptions of their personality just because they are shorter than me.
But not if he’s significantly shorter, as it makes me feel a bit weird to look down on my partner somehow. I wouldn’t want him to feel insecure because of that, despite knowing that this reaction stems from a form of toxic masculinity. I feel like because of how society is, we would always be pressured and affected by how others perceive us, even if we try to not let it bother us.”
Advice to shorter guys: “If a tall girl doesn’t want to date you, it’s her loss. You do you, short king. There will be someone who will love and appreciate you for your height, so don’t give up. But then again don’t be too pushy if a girl says she doesn’t want to date you — sometimes life is just like that, sadly.”
— Nicole, 25
“”Personality is a must, looks are a bonus” — this phrase is something that I live by when it comes to my dating life. Height isn’t a huge factor for me as I do believe an individual’s morals and values take higher priority than physical attributes.
Physical attributes won’t last forever because you will age and shrink as you grow older. If an individual has morals and values that aligns with yours and is good-looking, it’s a win.
I have dated individuals who are shorter than me. There were some unpleasant experiences which were caused by men who felt insecure about their height so they felt the need to prove himself in other aspects.
Some girls don’t mind dating men who are shorter than them or of the same height. If the guy that they are dating can meet their emotional needs and treats them right — why would they let the guy’s height get in the way?”
Advice to shorter guys: “Your height is not something that should stop you from putting yourself out there. Be confident in your own skin. What you feel internally, will show externally. Be your best self and people will like you for that.”
— Faith, 30
“I am currently in a relationship with someone who is slightly shorter than me. My maximum height difference is 2cm or less ― I do prefer to have eye contact with him at least. If not, it would be difficult for me to get past that.
I don’t have a strong impression towards guys who are shorter than me, but I did date someone who is shorter than me who had a good personality and delivered in his love languages.
While I do say that height does play an important role in my dating life, I would consider dating someone who is slightly smaller than me. Their personality and the fact whether we click matters more to me.”
Advice to shorter guys: “If your personality is A+, it will compensate for your height significantly. It’s important not to let your height become your insecurity because it might do more harm than good in your dating life.”
— Xinyi, 23
While height might be a deal breaker for some, these girls’ diverse perspectives show that it isn’t everything. While some do prioritise appearance, others value personality and qualities of a person.
At the end of the day, you will need to be open and honest about your preferences — if height is a big deal for you, it’s okay to discuss it.
Also, what you prioritise in a partner, current or future, might not last in the long run so before you write someone off because of their height, remember that there is more to them than just their physical appearance.
Cover images courtesy of interviewees.
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