Dating and marriage often come up in conversations I have with my friends. At get-togethers, we’d talk about our love lives and cheekily tease the singletons, “Eh, when is it your turn to get a girlfriend and settle down?”
More often than not, they’d grumble, “Wait long long lah, I don’t know what Singaporean women want.” Some hold the sentiment Singaporean girls suffer from ‘Princess Syndrome’.
Recounting his failed dating exploits, Alex, 25, shared with me how one ex-girlfriend broke off the relationship because his parents were selling the family car.
“The girl I dated didn’t like public transport, so she wanted me to drive her everywhere. If I couldn’t borrow the family car, she’d give an excuse and cancel the date. Wahlao eh, if dating already so high expectation, marriage confirm worse.”
But are Singaporean women really that unreasonable? Are their attitudes the reason why some Singaporean men seek foreign brides?
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Many netizens on internet forums agree with Alex, describing local girls as “spoilt, bratty and materialistic”. There’s a sentiment that Singaporean girls are “not worth it” and local men are better off with foreign wives.
But before anyone gets #triggered and call these men “MCPs (male chauvinist pigs) who want a female slave”, I noticed how most of these men felt they weren’t able to live up to the expectations of Singaporean girls.
In fact, those who preferred foreign brides weren’t looking for submissive, soft-spoken girls to pander to their every whim, but a girl who wouldn’t judge them based on the car they drive, the house they own, and how much money they made.
One user lamented, “Many Singaporean girls cheese me off immensely because you can never do enough for them. As much as they would like to be pampered like princesses, we men also would like to feel appreciated for our efforts.”
Growing up, I, like most Singaporean children, was taught men were the breadwinners and women the homemakers.
Even though I was encouraged to develop my own career, my relatives repeatedly told me to find a husband who can “look after me” when I grow up.
As an independent girl, I often disagreed with this sentiment. However, some Singaporeans men like Paul, 23, feel it is the duty of a man to provide a comfortable life for their future partner.
“Honestly, I don’t think Singaporean women are unreasonable or have very high expectations,” he shares. “Finding a man who can give them financial security is just practical. No one wants to marry a poor man and suffer for the rest of their life.”
However, as the number of Singaporean women entering the workforce increases, more women become financially independent and do not have to rely on their husband to provide for them.
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Having economic independence has given Singaporean women the freedom to make their own lifestyle choices. As compared to the past, Singapore’s society has become more gender equal.
Some men like John, 24, believe these changes have influenced the average Singaporean women to raise their expectations in what they want in a spouse.
“Singaporean men and women are becoming more and more alike,” he explains. “Men have always been picky, but now Singaporean women can afford to be picky.”
“But you can’t have two people wanting to call the shots in a relationship. That’s probably why it’s so hard for both genders to see eye to eye.”
During times of change, one can either adapt to the circumstances or look for an alternative situation.
Perhaps this is why some Singaporean men look toward our Southeast Asian neighbours to find a wife. Maybe, this is the case of Singaporean women changing faster than Singaporean men can adapt.
Rather than stepping up, some men like Isaac, 27, feel it’s an easier alternative for men to “buy a foreign wife”.
“It’s a big ego boost to know there are foreign pretty babes queueing up to marry Singaporean dudes. Local girls can be arrogant and guys need to put in a lot of work to get them.”
“In general, I see Singaporean guys are lazy to up their game. If there’s an easier option, why not take the simpler route?”
However, Isaac believes most Singaporean men would still want a Singaporean wife.
Marrying a foreign bride poses its own set of challenges. There may be language and cultural barriers to overcome and difficulty integrating into society.
“There’s nothing wrong with a foreign bride lah, but in Singapore, it’s still seen as a negative thing. People will say ‘wah, is it you so lousy you cannot find a local girl for yourself?’”
Personally, I don’t think Singaporean girls are as tough to marry or date as what people often say. When compared to other Asian countries like Japan or Korea, Singaporean girls appear worse off only because we’re more vocal than our counterparts.
At the end of the day, Singaporean men and women are allowed to choose who they want to date, but it takes two hands to clap. Keeping an open mind and being willing to compromise will go a long way in the dating game!
This article was first published on 12 October 2017 and last updated on 31 January 2024.
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