In 2021, a study in Singapore showed that the proportion of singles had risen across all age groups. While it could be due to a variety of factors, many women today also feel that the bar of expectations for men is on the floor.
In this 21st century, men are still being praised for doing the bare minimum, such as tidying up after themselves and being respectful to ladies. For 31-year-old Amanda who once thought that men were all pretty much a lost cause at this point, she was impressed by her current husband, Justin, who went through extreme lengths to support their relationship.
Shocking Amanda with how much effort he put into their relationship, here’s what their love story is like, from their first meeting to eventually being married.
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As quoted from a famous Singaporean meme, “if you really want me right, you should chase me”. It’s probably a sentiment that Amanda can relate to, as when she was talking to guys on dating apps, she describes the feeling as “pulling teeth”.
Amanda thinks of herself to be someone who’s very straightforward — if a guy doesn’t want to date seriously, then she doesn’t want him to waste her time.
“I once talked to this guy for three months and he never asked me out, so I was wondering, ‘where is this even going?’ So I finally asked to meet, and while we got along well on text, it felt very stiff and awkward in real life.”
The worst part? The very first thing he said when he saw Amanda was “huh… you’re so tall”. For context, Amanda is taller than the average Singaporean at around 171cm, but that small comment already made her feel annoyed. She also kept having to put in a lot of effort to just have a conversation with him, and he ended up ghosting her after two days.
Amanda also had one other ex-boyfriend, who used to complain about having to send Amanda home despite his house only being two MRT stops away. With these experiences, Amanda shared, “perhaps the bar for men isn’t even on the ground at this point, it’s six feet underground.”
Amanda even questioned herself, “am I asking for too much when it comes to dating?” She fell into the toxic mindset of believing that if she gives a guy some space and not be too “clingy”, then he would like her more.
But it’s 2023 — do we still have to “play hard to get?” After reflecting on this sentiment for a bit longer, Amanda decided that she didn’t want to become someone who would have to beg for her partner’s attention.
It was then Amanda met Justin on a dating app, and she was already impressed upon their first meeting. “He was very sincere in wanting to meet me. He even picked me up in his dad’s car, and easily accepted my suggestions on where we should go to eat.”
The meal amounted to nearly $20 per person, with Justin insisting on paying. But Amanda didn’t want to feel as if she owed her date money, so she paid for herself instead, with the agreement that Justin would treat them to dessert.
The most memorable parts of the date for Amanda were the smallest things.
“I remember he made a passing comment saying that with that $20, he would usually meal prep for an entire week. I didn’t know at that time, but he was struggling with money and he didn’t want to tell me. It made me feel touched, realising that he was willing to spend on me despite his circumstances.”
Justin’s job required him to fly around to other countries often, but regardless of his busy schedule, he put in extra effort to check in with Amanda every single day.
Amanda has very strict parents, so in the early stages of dating, she didn’t dare to tell them about her relationship with Justin. There was one incident where Justin was sending her home after a date, and he told her that he really needed to use the toilet. But knowing how strict Amanda’s parents are and not wanting to cause trouble for her, he decided to go into an empty water bottle in his car instead. Ladies, if he cares for you, he’ll really do anything.
Amanda suffers from anxiety, so even though Jusin is the adventurous sort, typical dates between them consist of things that are familiar to her — going to Amanda’s favourite restaurants and ordering her exact same comfort food.
“At the height of my anxiety disorder, he tried to bring me out more and exercise with him, even though I could tell that he was very tired from work. He prioritised my mental health first and wanted to make sure that I wasn’t at home alone with my own thoughts.”
One time, Amanda casually suggested doing rug tufting together, and Justin planned the date.
“The tufting gun was very heavy and I got tired easily, so he offered to finish my product for me. But it was still a very interesting experience that we both enjoyed, and we’re hoping to seek more craft workshops such as art jamming and pottery in the future. We also ended up displaying the rugs we made in our home as a personalised touch.”
Amanda feels that Justin’s efforts carried over into their marriage too, as she still finds herself being surprised by him even after six years of being together.
“He puts in a lot of effort into maintaining the house and planning for our holidays. Effort is something that you can see when you’re in the dating phase. Some guys expect you to applaud them for picking up a broom for the first time, but when I thanked Justin for doing the laundry or vacuuming the floor he would be stunned.
He’ll ask, ‘isn’t this just the bare minimum?’”
Amanda constantly reminds Justin that she’s pleased by his hard efforts to simply make their relationship work. All these actions may seem like small things to others, but they go a long way in making her feel safe, secure and happy whenever she’s with him.
Now, the couple is raising a cat together. Even through their pet, Amanda can see Justin trying his best.
“Our cat meows at 6.30am every morning. Justin knows that I am a light sleeper, so he’s always the one who wakes up early to sayang the cat so that I can get more sleep. This simple act reassures me that I can rely on him if we have a child someday.”
When asked if Justin still surprises her till today, Amanda joked, “I was surprised when I found out he talks in his sleep”. Comedy aside, she opened up that till today, Justin remembers the small things and puts in effort wherever he can.
“Recently, I casually mentioned that I wanted the latest Spider-Man 2 game and I didn’t even think that he heard me. But one day, I came home to find the game already delivered to our house.”
Of course, their dynamics are a bit different now that they are married, and Amanda feels that they both have to become “a bit more selfless” with each other.
They’ve talked about having kids, having more cats, and where they’d like to travel together, knowing that they’ll always have each other.
To all the girls out there who are settling for the bare minimum in a partner, Amanda’s advice is: “if you have to beg for effort during the dating phase, then you’re just setting yourself up for a lot of emotional and mental fatigue next time. In the future, you’ll have to put in even more effort just to stay together.”
And to Justin who’s been by Amanda’s side these past six years, Amanda wants him to know, “thank you for always putting me first.”
Singaporeans tend to complain that “Singapore so small, got nothing to do”, especially when it comes to dating. For Amanda who has been on countless dates with Justin, she feels that they ultimately enjoy doing crafts and being creative together.
And for couples who are on the lookout for more crafting date ideas like Amanda does, perhaps consider Crafune, a leather goods and workshop company in Singapore.
Crafune has a running pop-up store at Jewel Changi Airport this festive season, for those who are hoping to get personalised gifts to treat your loved ones.
The store offers a wide variety of ready-made leather goods that can be customised with name engraving. Some items include the Daifuku Bag, a versatile bag that comes with a detachable handle and crossbody strap.
Or you can also opt for the Marshmallow Bag, an adorable squishy pouch that comes in multiple colour palettes to suit your preferences. In case it wasn’t obvious, these bags are inspired by food and mimic the soft and bouncy texture of Daifuku and Marshmallow.
Whether you’re with your friends, family or a special someone, don’t miss out on the opportunity to join Crafune’s Leather Marquetry workshop and create your own Christmas tree decor, coaster or bag charm.
It doesn’t matter how experienced you are at arts and crafts — leather crafting welcomes complete newbies too, and stands out from other craft activities due to its uniqueness and personalised touches. The best part? The end products can be used daily, and serve as a reminder of the quality time you spent crafting together with your SO.
It doesn’t matter how experienced you are at arts and crafts — leather crafting welcomes complete newbies too, and stands out from other craft activities due to its uniqueness and personalised touches. The best part? The end products can be used daily, and serve as a reminder of the quality time you spent crafting together with your SO.
Fun fact: the leather used in these workshops is made with biodegradable vegetable-tanned leather. This means that you can join an experience that supports the goal of sustainability, customisability, wellness and unique experiences.
So the next time you’re wrecking your brains trying to come up with the perfect date idea, it could be your sign to attend a fun craft workshop at Crafune with your bae. Who knows, taking home these thoughtful gifts might just do the trick in impressing your partner with your efforts.
Article images courtesy of Amanda.
Photography by Liu Xingying.
This post was brought to you by Crafune.
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