Cringeworthy First Dates
They say love is blind, so I guess sometimes you can only tell that a guy is a douchebag after the date is over. Or after you analyse your failed relationship in retrospect. Some moments, however, you just can’t miss; cringe-worthy ones that make you go “what did I see in him?!”.
If you’ve ever met a douchebag in your lifetime—bless your soul if you haven’t—you can relate.
1. Prematurely touchy-feely
Douchebags try too hard. They’ll keep trying to put their arms around you, or call you ‘babe’ prematurely. They overstep boundaries and think this is the way to make us feel comfortable around them. But barging into a girl’s personal space is not the way to her heart.
When you first meet someone, your initial thought isn’t to caress their face upon immediate interaction, is it? If so, this is a little Public Service Announcement: Don’t do it. Don’t try to get intimate and up in someone’s business (and face) when you’ve barely exchanged 2 sentences.
2. Every gesture seems strategically planned
A thoughtful gesture is always appreciated. But only if it’s genuine, not calculated. Sometimes it seems like all his moves were strategically planned to make you swoon as if it came straight out of Cosmo’s advice column.
Like when he stretches his hand out to tuck a tuft of your hair behind your ear and whispers “let me get that off your angelic face”. Or dramatically pushes you behind him when crossing the road because it’s “safer behind him”. As sweet as the gesture is, making a big deal out of it takes the sincerity away. And that only causes uncertainty about a guy’s intentions.
3. Excessive sexual innuendos
You, commenting on dessert: “I love this cheesecake, it’s so tasty.”
Douche: “I bet that’s not the only thing that’s tasty here.”
This is just… plain uncomfortable. Especially in the beginning stages of the chase, because you’ve barely established your boundaries and comfort level with each other. When he keeps implying sexual connotations to everything you say in passing, you know he’s a f***boi.
Douchebags like him will make it pretty obvious what they’re after through this charming sense of humour. And it speaks volumes about their respect for you and women in general.
4. Showing off his possessions
This is definitely an aggressive overcompensation of big talk to make up for something really, really small. Probably his… ego. Funny how you would think that douchebags usually have the largest egos ever because of confidence, but in reality, they need to keep feeding it because of their low self-esteem.
They’re so busy bragging about how popular they are or what car their mum just bought them that they can’t see how conceited they come off. It’s good to be thick-skinned sometimes, but outrightly praising oneself is such a turnoff.
5. Big talk about how ambitious he is
To add on to the previous point, douchebags who can’t stop talking about themselves will definitely brag about how ambitious they are career-wise. Probably stole it off that same advice column that indicates how women find it attractive when men are driven and have #goals in life.
And they’ll go on about how much money they intend to make, even though we all know that actions speak louder than words. Because if I had a dollar for every time a guy went on about how he wants to “make his first million by 30”, I’d be a millionaire first.
6. He’s way too narcissistic
See, there’s a difference between getting to know someone through sharing life experiences and common interests, and treating your date like your therapist. This again, surprise surprise, goes back to the problem with douchebags who can’t stop talking about themselves.
It’s great when people can open up to each other once they’ve built that trust and communication between them, but communication goes two ways, not one. Douchebags just can’t stop talking about their own feelings, without giving much of an opportunity for you to chime in on yours.
7. Overbearing know-it-alls
Douchebags also think they’re smarter than everybody else. While it’s fine to have opinions, don’t force it on other people by shutting them down for having differing ones, or completely choosing to ignore the other side of the argument. “What do you mean you’re a full-time Youtuber? Not my thing. I hold a more serious career in the financial sector.”
Some imply that you should be honoured that they have chosen to pursue you. Because they honestly think they’re the best male option so you should consider yourself lucky.
8. They need to remind you about their ex-es
When douchebags bring up their past—or even previous Tinder conquests—while they’re out with a future prospect, they really kill the mood. And it shows they might be insecure about themselves since they keep feeling the need to remind us how many girls they were able to get.
Douchebags also ruin it for the ladies when they point out how hot other girls are in front of their current date. Can’t you respect someone enough to pay attention to them for at least an hour?
9. Referring to his previous girl as a bitch
Talking about your ex in front of a new beau is already a red flag for most people. So if an entitled douchebag refers to the last girl he went out with as a bitch, or even worse, called a girl he couldn’t even get a slut, that becomes a loud siren that screams “NO”.
He might even try to up his own status by putting someone else down in the course of flirting with you. “Aren’t you glad I’m not short like him.” Douchebags have no trouble labelling people in an attempt to make themselves look good because they have zero sense of self-awareness and treat others (namely girls) like they’re disposable.
10. Gets sensitive over a joke that hit his ego
Hmm, way to make things awkward. Some people can’t take a joke and that’s okay But if they’re the type to insult others incessantly, yet unable to handle it when others poke fun back at them, that’s an instant indication that they’re an adult baby. As the elders always say, give but cannot take.
No one should have to deal with a sensitive and petty man-child. They’d string along multiple problems in the future because of their inability to compromise or let go.
So if you’ve ever gone out with a douchebag, remember you’re not alone. Disaster dates make great stories anyway.