*Names have been changed because interviewees fear for their civil-service jobs
Gay guys advise straight guys on how to ask girls out
“Just go for her lah.”
“Sure can one!”
In the gym toilet, the above advice is often dished out whenever men express their hesitation to ask a girl out. But there is hardly any value to the typical “Just do it” Nike slogan-type advice that gym bros provide.
Instead, the popularity of the Queer Eye series made us think about approaching gay men from the LGBT community in Singapore for some life advice. Just like the Fab Five, local gay men might have a few pearls of wisdom to share when it comes to scoring a date.
Be a good listener
Karamo Brown, the culture expert from the Queer Eye series, exemplifies this quality. His non-judgmental stance allows the other party to open up, and find healing and transformation in the process.
“Most of the girls I know want someone who listens to their thoughts, be it ‘crazy’ or not. In the long run, she will be the one you talk to every day,” advises Lery, 21.
Some people have a tendency to tune out and be too quick to give a solution when in fact, what most want is a listening ear.
“I find straight men generally don’t listen well and only want to give their comments… same after marriage. So I guess to get them to pay attention to you, start listening to what women have to say?” Ian*, 38, adds.
Pro-tip: hold your tongue, put yourself in their shoes, and try to understand their point of view instead of telling them what you would do.
Know when to stop
On a recent episode of Terrace House, a Japanese reality show on Netflix where strangers look for love by living in a house together, a male participant advised another to keep asking a girl out every week until she buckles.
Don’t do that!
“Make sure the girl is even slightly interested before making a move. If you make a move and the girl doesn’t see anything coming from it, move on. Don’t be a creep because no one likes that,” Sherwin, 29, warns.
For many millennials, being aware of causes and issues is important. They could range from being vegan to staying environmentally friendly or being sensitive about third-wave feminism.
It’s no longer considered okay to blindly push forth an extreme opinion without considering the feelings of others in this day and age. No matter the gender, a sensitive individual is an attractive individual.
“Some men say the stupidest things, hoping that their ignorance will win over female attention. Might have worked in 2009 but it’s 2019 now,” advises Ashu, 28.
Do your homework
In the age of social media, you can find out a lot by ‘researching’ someone’s public profile.
“I would advise following a person on Spotify, listening to the songs they like and learning the freaking lyrics, even if it’s a Cantonese song,” Kew*, 29, explains. “Impress and catch the attention of the person first. Once you catch the person’s attention, they’ll be like ‘Wah, he make an effort sia.”
Sherwin, 29, says, “Pick up on little things she says then plan an outing or date around that.” It will ensure she enjoys the date and has a good first impression of you.
Queer Eye episodes usually end with some type of event that the candidate has prepared for. Besides finding love, doing the homework and working on yourself can provide valuable experience in all aspects of life.
Don’t rush it
“Although many people these days are into sexual relationships and its benefits, there are still a large number of girls who want intimate, sincere and serious long-term relationships,” Lery explains.
Find out what kind of relationship she is looking for. If it’s the latter, learn to curb your libido and you might find love instead of lust.
As Tan from Queer Eye often says, dressing well can boost your confidence. It also shows the other party your life is in order.
“Pay a bit of attention to dressing. Not to be too stylish but just smart-looking.” advises Ian*, 38.
Take Action Wisely When Asking Girls Out
Confidence is sexy, and many introverted otakus lose out to their more debonair F-boy counterparts in the game by not taking action wisely.
With this compilation of tips from gay men, we hope we brought you some Queer Eye magic, until the Fab Five can show up and makeover your life.