I moved to New Zealand from the UK without knowing a single soul. Armed with trainers and a hiking bag, I had no plans to fall in love. I wanted to spend my weekends exploring glorious mountains and shimmering lakes.
One fine evening, I ended up meeting my ex-boyfriend; he was Irish. In our first encounter, we had a poetry battle and hit it off.
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He shared my passion for outdoor activities. We hiked and explored New Zealand together. He fully supported me and my career and we adored each other.
We would go on road trips around New Zealand and take naps in the car after looking out to beautiful views. My family loved him. He was kind, funny and adventurous, and my heart was filled with so much love.
We talked about buying a house, and getting a little boat so I could catch fish and cook them in lemon and dill. We had an amazing, exciting future together in New Zealand.
I had expressed at the very beginning how I didn’t want to move back to the UK as the gloomy weather made me feel depressed. For years, I struggled with feeling down when I lived there. I couldn’t see a future in a country constantly covered in grey clouds.
After 2.5 years of bliss, he received a call he had been waiting for for 10 years—the police force in Ireland was offering him a job interview. I was happy for him but heartbroken. What about our future in New Zealand?
I followed him back to Ireland and tried to make it work. It rained every single day. We lived in a remote town with more sheep than humans. I felt so isolated, so cold and miserable.
One day, I asked if he could see himself moving back to New Zealand. He said he couldn’t give me an answer—transferring between police forces in different countries is not easy due to visa requirements. He couldn’t guarantee making the move and he didn’t want to make any false promises.
After crying every day for weeks, I decided to leave. I still loved him, but I couldn’t see my future there, and neither could I picture myself bringing our children up in such an isolated environment.
Love is wonderful, but I realised I can’t rely on just my partner as my source of happiness. I am responsible for my own happiness.
Six months after the move to Ireland, I broke up with him and booked a one-way ticket to Barcelona. I left love behind; armed with 2 words of Spanish in my vocabulary, a suitcase and a heavy heart.
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I threw myself into numerous activities to help me forget my pain. Dancing, hiking, football— you name it, I’ve done it.
I resolved to take a break from relationships, and let my mind and heart heal in their own time.
Out of the many things I learned from this experience, one of them was how to overcome heartbreak—efficiently.
I had a choice. I could sit at home, cry, eat junk food and wallow in my anguish, or nourish my body with healthy food and sports, focus on my career and surround myself with positive people. There is something about perspiring and laughing with new friends that helps you forget your pain.
I ended up meeting my current boyfriend about 8 months after my move to Barcelona.
I met him when I was playing Gaelic football; he was my opponent in a friendly match. I tackled him, seized the ball and scored. He has been smitten ever since.
I was resistant to the idea of dating him as he’s Irish as well. I remember telling him that it wouldn’t work between us as I planned to move back to New Zealand in the long run. He quietly responded, “Of course I will move to New Zealand, if it means I get to marry you and spend the rest of my life raising our kids with you. That would make me the happiest and luckiest man in the world.”
Eventually, he won me over and I am learning a different, deeper kind of love. A love that has companionship and stability, and a tangible plan for the future.
Love doesn’t need to be a big declaration—it’s the everyday gestures that count. Love is him waking me up every morning before work with a cup of tea and chopped strawberries for my morning cereal, and how he remains patient and kind when I’m hangry, grumpy and unreasonable.
I don’t know how this journey will end but I know that I am much happier. I met someone who makes me feel alive and I can see a future with him. Every day, I wake up excited and loving this beautiful thing called life.
I hope my story can reassure those who are experiencing heartbreak or have also left love behind. If you focus on building yourself and your own happiness, things will get easier.
One day, your heart will stop hurting, and you will catch yourself laughing in delight every day. Until then, remember this quote:
“If you were happy with the wrong one, just think how happy you will be when the right one comes along.” – Source unknown
This article was first published on 23 July 2019 and last updated on 25 March 2024.
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