With the advent of online dating, it has become much easier for men and women who are looking for casual, non-committal sex to hook up—but not all intentions of both parties are clear from the start. A large number of amoral men prey on unsuspecting women who may simply be looking for an emotional relationship through dating apps. Here are 5 signs to look out for if a man could be manipulating you into having sex with him.
He’ll tell you a sob story
Women are undoubtedly the more sensitive and emotional sex. We’re wired from young to feel more, sense more, and empathise more with others. In comes Jacob, the guy who tells you he’s not looking for anything but friendship and a listening ear. He pours his heart out to you and tells you the story of how his ex-girlfriend of three years cheated on him, tapping into your softer side.
Because his story elicits a sympathetic edge in you, you’ll want to comfort him and be there for him. He asks you over to his place to “hang out” and you agree—you feel close to him on a level that’s not quite platonic anymore. At this point, it’s easy to let your guard down. After all, how dangerous could such a vulnerable man be? Chances are, when you connect with a man on an emotionally precarious level, your body will be more obliged to his ways of physical seduction.
He’ll use the carrot-and-stick approach
One moment he’s into you, the next he’s not. He tells you you’re not like any of the other girls he’s talked to, and then ghosts on you for the next two days. You get frustrated trying to interpret his feelings for you. After all, if he really does like you, why would he keep giving you mixed signals?
Some men manipulate women into sleeping with them by using the carrot-and-stick approach, giving a woman the attention and affection she wants to get sex from her, and then pulling away once he’s gotten into her pants. He dangles the carrot right in front of you and makes you believe that you can almost have it, but never fully gives you what you truly desire. And in many instances, you’re far too emotionally invested in him to see that he’s just using you for his own sexual fulfilment.
He’ll try to make you feel insecure
Most people struggle with insecurity at some point in their lives. For some women, this carries on from adolescence into adulthood. Some men understand this, and use it to their advantage. If your self-esteem isn’t high, it won’t take much for a man to prod at your deepest insecurities and make you feel bad about yourself. This could manifest itself in the form of him bragging about his looks or by pointing out things that you don’t like about yourself.
Women who are insecure are prone to being manipulated by men who make them feel like they’re doing her a favour by simply talking to or spending time with her. Once he’s succeeded in making you feel inadequate, he knows that you’d do anything to gain his favour because your self-esteem depends on it—even if it means having sex with him to gain self-validation. Ladies, always remember that nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
He’ll try to make you feel jealous
Some men who are more skilled at manipulation don’t directly confront a woman about her insecurities, because that might cause her to react defensively. A more skilled way of manipulation would be to use a third-party puppet that a woman would subconsciously compare herself with, and then feel bad about. Yes ladies, I’m talking about him making you feel jealous; arguably the most powerful and irrational emotion any man can make a woman feel.
A woman who’s unaware of how to handle her jealousy may resort to extreme measures such as sleeping with a man just to exert her stake on him over another (quite possibly) fictional woman. This is no way to treat a woman, but many females fall for such bad-boy antics because of how unattainable the man seems to be.
He’ll use alcohol
You’re out on a date with a charming young man and he keeps offering you alcohol. The conversation’s great and both of you are having fun. You don’t want to ruin the mood by declining his offers although you know your alcohol tolerance isn’t fantastic. He agrees to send you home afterwards so you needn’t worry about getting drunk. You both get home and before you know it, you’re rolling in the sheets with him—a deed you wouldn’t have agreed to if not for the alcohol.
Stop Being Manipulated
With the growth of local pick-up communities and web articles teaching men how to abuse the female mind to get women to sleep with them, it’s imperative that females learn how to identify signs that a man’s just using them for sex. When you’re all wrapped up in the moment, you may not be thinking straight, no matter how much you think you’ve got it all figured out. Caution and awareness are key—guard your heart, mind and body. If sex isn’t what you’re looking for, stay alert and don’t be afraid to say no.