Since young, I was conditioned to think that I would grow up, get married in my early twenties, and bear children. My grandma did it, my mom did it, and they probably expect me to do it too. But I grew up and learned that life isn’t black and white and getting married at 25 isn’t financially feasible. I’ll unabashedly admit—I hate kids, and have zero desire to produce any, ever.
To many, staying childless is unthinkable because a traditional family unit comprises of a husband, wife, and at least one child. But a growing number of us have shuffled our priorities in life. We just don’t possess this “parental instinct” that others gush about, and would rather spend our lives focusing on our relationships, careers, and personal well-being.
If you have an aversion to tiny humans as I do, here are a couple of situations you will definitely be able to relate to.
To be clear, I’m only giving my seat up because I don’t want to kena STOMPed. If you’ve the energy to climb poles and traumatise passengers, you probably have more energy than me to stand on your own two feet.
Source, Source, Source, Source
The people have spoken. The problem is real.
Now the only thing you can do is to hope and pray that it doesn’t turn out to be your seatmate.
I’ll just admire it from afar, thanks. Don’t wanna risk dropping the precious thing. Or getting baby droppings on myself.
Except potatoes actually bring you joy. Especially in the form of McDonald’s curly fries.
One photo per day is still tolerable. But when every mundane activity from vomiting to getting its butt wiped is documented online, I can’t help but involuntarily shudder each time I open my newsfeed. Even worse when collage apps are employed – that’s 4x the horror in one picture.
Run lah, run some more!
*grabs popcorn*
Because you can’t agree that the drooling infant is cute, yet you don’t want to start a riot and risk losing more friends as you grow older. Not that they aren’t already being lost to #parentinglyfe.
Source: @sjmere
Why have 2 kids when you can have a purr-fect life with 12 cuddly kitties?
Major envy @ my idol, @12catslady. #parentinggoals
Would much rather bleed for a week each month, cramps and psycho PMS-ing included, than be stuck with the burden of a child for a lifetime. Bring on the blood, let that red sea flow!
There are exactly 60 seconds left before I get dangerously hangry. And that tantrum-throwing preschooler in the vicinity is not helping with the bad mood.
I thought diapers were invented for a reason. Why should the rest of us suffer just ‘cause you didn’t teach your child not to keep the pee sesh til’ the last minute? And you should be showing him how to line up like a civilised human being. Jeez, no wonder kids are so discourteous these days.
RIP to your social life. Actually, RIP to everything you once knew and loved; 7 solid hours of sleep, nua-ing in front of the TV during weekends, romantic getaways…the list goes on.
Ah Mah: “Ger ah, Ah Mah will make sure she lives long enough to see your children!”
Ah Mah: *becomes immortal*
Gurl, you didn’t… Source
Oh, c’mon! At least warn me beforehand so that I can make a last-minute excuse and back out. Guess one-on-one girl bonding time is now a thing of the distant past. Just like the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus. Both of which I’m gonna tell your children are fake.
Because you don’t even need basic Math to tell you that the cash incentive will never make up for everything else you’ll bleed. Or the daily frustration of having to deal with those little monsters in the first place.
That’s up to a whopping $1m, by the way. Per child. Wait, what do you mean I can’t get a refund for that?
Conversations I have with my friends
Look at all the fun you could have by NOT having kids. Why would anyone wanna stay home to appease a noisy brat when you could be chillin’ in the Maldives? People are so strange.
Such grate design!
Me as a parent. Which is why I should never be a parent. Source
What a wonderful dining concept. And yes, it exists in Singapore too.
And god forbid they start singing along, out of tune, in their whiny voices. Let It Go? Gurl, if I were your mom I’d definitely let you go.
But that’s okay, because those tiny beings can’t detect fakeness. The downside to that though, is that once you display a remote amount of friendliness, they automatically think you’re their new best friend and cling on to you with their grubby hands.
Fact is, not everyone likes the same people. But just ‘cause we lack affection for a particular group, doesn’t mean we don’t try to live in harmony with them. Yes, preferably, I’d have zero interaction with children. But if a lost boy came crying to me, I’d definitely try to help, simply because that’s what any decent human being would do.
Freedom of choice, yo. If you find parenthood fulfilling, great. But I’m perfectly happy without children, and intend to remain this way for the rest of my life.
Cover image: Illustration by Ra Krishnan
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