Being a parent is no easy feat — there’s just so many aspects of having a child to worry about every day. But being a single parent? That’s double the pressure, as being able to provide for them financially is one thing, but being emotionally and physically present is another.
For 19-year-old Jermaine, life took a huge turn when she found out that she was pregnant at just 15 years old. Back then, Jermaine was just a child herself too. The next thing she knew, she was counting down the days to becoming a mother whilst still in secondary school.
To make matters more challenging, Jermaine suffered emotional abuse from her ex-partner, which eventually led to her falling into a bad mental space during her journey as a young mother. Read on to find out what it was like for her to be pregnant at a young age, and how she has finally embraced motherhood now.
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Image courtesy of Jermaine
When Jermaine first found out she was pregnant at 15 years old, there was only one word to describe how she felt: ashamed.
“I knew that society isn’t accepting of teen mums. Since I was self-conscious about people judging me, I kept my entire pregnancy a secret. I didn’t take any pictures while I was pregnant either.”
Jermaine’s mother was utterly shocked and upset to find out about her pregnancy — “of course, who would want their 15 year old daughter to suddenly become pregnant?”, Jermaine explained. But when her mum eventually digested the news, she suggested for Jermaine to get an abortion.
At that time, Jermaine’s partner was also 15 years old, so Jermaine felt that they were both not ready to take care of a child. During the first trimester, she took her mother’s advice seriously and considered an abortion.
While the topic of abortion has slowly become less taboo in recent years, many of the older generation still have a narrow mindset about it. This mindset was forced onto Jermaine as well. “My ex-partner’s parents were very traditional. I felt that they pressured me into having the child, saying that if I aborted, I would bring bad luck.”
At such a vulnerable young age, it was difficult for Jermaine to make such a tough decision on her own. Therefore, despite her doubts and pressure from her ex’s family, she eventually decided to go through with the pregnancy.
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“For the first three months of my pregnancy, I still didn’t believe I was pregnant. Since I was very young, the idea of being pregnant felt very scary. Luckily, no matter my decision, I received a lot of support from my mother.”
Jermaine was still in school, which meant that her family had to file a report for underage pregnancy. After a discussion, they decided that she had to stop going to school until she gave birth, and her teachers visited her to send her worksheets to help her continue her studies.
However, she didn’t receive any support from her ex-partner. “When I went over to their house, his aunts scolded me and referred to me as an ‘anyhow type of girl’. His parents even told my mother that I’m not the type of girl that any parent would want their kid to get married to. They treated me as if I was their enemy.”
As if carrying a child at such a young age wasn’t both emotionally and physically demanding enough, Jermaine dealt with verbal abuse every single day.
“I always felt unaccepted in his household. My ex went out with his friends every day because he felt tied down by my pregnancy, and prioritised other things over me and our child. I didn’t have anyone to accompany me — my mother was working and I didn’t have a good relationship with my brothers. I was always alone.”
While Jermaine was scrolling through social media, she saw many posts glorifying teenage pregnancy. This false sense of happiness that was shared online made her feel a little upset, especially considering her circumstances.
“There are more bad points than good about being a teen mum. As teenagers, we are still emotionally unstable. Of course it will tear you apart. You don’t have a social life anymore and it’s hard for you to live your youth. I just wanted someone to be there for me, and my ex-partner wasn’t.”
Image courtesy of Jermaine
On days where Jermaine felt succumbed by her negative emotions, she sought her ex-partner for support. Instead, he went around telling all his friends that she “became crazy”, not understanding that she was emotionally unstable due to her pregnancy.
“My ex went around playing with other girls, yet he still wanted to show off that he was about to become a father soon. He snuck out of the house whenever I fell asleep, and he wouldn’t tell me where he would go. I could tell that he wasn’t happy because his parents were the ones who advised us to keep the child, not him.”
Despite the emotional abuse, Jermaine still dreamt of a marriage with him one day. “I still loved him at that point of time — after all, we were about to have a baby together. We originally scheduled to have a Chinese tea ceremony on a Monday, but our plans changed because I ended up giving birth earlier, on Saturday.”
Jermaine described these unexpected changes as something that was “godsent” to her. Because she had given birth prematurely, the couple didn’t go through with the tea ceremony and marriage.
Initially, Jermaine admitted that she even felt resentment towards her unborn son, as her ex made her feel like a burden for being pregnant.
After giving birth, Jermaine had a change of heart. “After I saw my son’s face for the first time, I felt that things started to fall into place. Suddenly, being a mother was what I was meant to do.”
“I didn’t care about my ex-partner as much anymore, because I was busy focusing on my son. Still, it hurt. I wanted him to be a father, to see his son and spend time with us. But he always gave excuses.”
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Jermaine soon returned back to secondary three after giving birth. She didn’t know any of her classmates nor teachers then, but everyone was helpful in guiding her back to her studies. She worked hard and even scored top in class for that year.
But things took a turn for the worse. Despite the encouragement at school, Jermaine’s ex-partner started using vulgar language towards her, belittling her worth and making her feel bad for wanting him to be there for her and their son.
“One time, I felt so pushed to the point where I went down to find him and screamed at him in front of all his friends. I felt like I didn’t have any dignity left in me anymore, after going through all these months of emotional abuse.”
After being together for two years, the couple eventually decided to break up. But Jermaine felt that she was already spiralling downwards. She had heard rumours about people pitying her for being a single mother, and found out that her ex-partner had even cheated on her with one of her close friends. That was the last straw.
“Why am I putting in so much work to be a mother when other people think of me this way? I wanted to be proud, but I’m still getting treated like this by outsiders. My ex-partner did nothing to contribute to being a father, yet he gets to do anything he wants.”
When Jermaine turned 17, her priorities changed. She decided that she wanted to have fun and enjoy her teen years instead of taking care of her son. So, she went out with her friends until late at night every day, wanting to feel less tied down to her responsibilities back at home.
But who could blame her? At some point of time, we all wanted to experience being young and dumb too. Jermaine stopped dedicating time to her son because she reached a point where she gave into vices and didn’t love herself anymore. Her ex made her feel that she was now unwanted as a teen mother.
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But even after giving in to the temptations of youth, Jermaine’s “fun” only lasted for around half a year. At the start of 2023, she met her current partner, who eventually helped her to feel better about herself.
“Some people say that with the right person, you grow and glow. With my current partner, my mum could tell that I was getting out of my slump. She told me, ‘Since you’re better now, you should be more responsible for your child.’”
With her mother’s advice in mind, Jermaine brought her son back from her ex’s family, and she’s been taking care of him ever since.
Before she got together with her current partner, he knew that she had a son. Him still wanting to be with her came as a surprise, as it goes against everything her ex had said about her.
She then realised that there are now more men who are accepting of being together with single mothers. “We’re in a different era now. Times have changed — I personally know of other single mums who eventually found love too.”
“Back when my son was only one month old, I was still keeping him a secret from everyone else. But my mum told me something that changed my perspective forever. She said, ‘You’ve already given birth, so there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t hide him away forever, but it’s better to feel proud of him than to feel ashamed.’”
It was then Jermaine decided to finally step up and become the mother she had hoped to be.
“Initially, my son didn’t feel like he had a stable home. He would move back and forth from my house to my ex’s house and have different people taking care of him. As a kid, that was difficult for him to manage. But now, I take care of him every day, so I feel that he has more stability.”
And how is Jermaine dealing with motherhood now? Proudly sharing with us, Jermaine added, “I’ve completely settled into motherhood now. I feel that even if I don’t have a partner with me, I’ll still be able to manage.”
It wasn’t an easy journey for Jermaine to finally come to terms with this feeling, but I honestly felt proud just listening to her story, knowing what she had to go through to reach this point.
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Now, Jermaine’s son is three, and she works as a freelance live streamer. Her current favourite hobby? Spending time with her son and making him feel loved.
“Being a mother requires sacrifice. After being a mother myself, I feel even more appreciative towards my mum. To give up your freedom just for your kid? Every mother deserves a trophy.”
Jermaine’s current partner helps out in taking care of her son too, especially when she’s busy with work. Now, she has more time to prioritise her mental health and learn to love herself all over again.
And as for the future? Jermaine has plans to go back to study some day, but for now, she’s freelancing and supporting her kid to the best of her abilities.
“I want him to go to school, study well and be a good kid. While I am not able to provide him with luxurious things, I want him to at least have a stable and safe home with me.”
Through her journey as a mother during these past three years, Jermaine learned that being a it is more than just having your name on your child’s birth certificate. It’s about the sacrifices you make every day, living up to your duties as a parent and being there for your child every step of the way.
It’s such a shame that teen mums still face a lot of judgement and discrimination from society. But as Jermaine mentioned, what’s done is done. She’s already a mother now, so she wants to learn and grow not just for herself, but also for her son.
“Being a teen parent is not as easy as you think. Though we may be in a different era now, abusive partners still exist. I’ve done a lot of wrongdoings myself, but now, I feel that the only thing I can do is embrace being a mum to the best of my abilities.”
Cover images courtesy of Jermaine.
Quotes have been edited for brevity and clarity.
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