Like most Singaporean Millennials, I online ‘stalk’ my prospective dates (aka the guy I like) to find out what kind of men they are.
I’ll browse through their Instagram, Twitter and Facebook profiles. I’ll also look for mutual friends to ask about any potential red flags and their relationship history.
But after dating a ton of guys and making my fair share of relationship mistakes, I’ve realised a person’s dating history doesn’t really matter when choosing a partner.
Take my relationship with my current boyfriend. He’s never had a relationship last longer than a few months, and my past relationships usually start unravelling after six months or so.
But we’ve been dating for a year and a half now and things are going great.
The reason why our relationship is working out is that we recognise how we’re no longer the same people we were five years ago.
If we were held accountable for all our past dating habits or mistakes, we’d probably never have found each other, or anyone who’d want to stay with us.
I get that on our little island where there are just three degrees of separation between most Singaporeans. To many, protecting your rep is seen as important as second chances are not often given.
People like to talk and ‘compare notes’. When you date a person, like it or not, you’ll be judged by who they’ve dated before.
I know of many guy friends who would be reluctant to wife up a girl who has ‘been around’. They’ll say things like “there are two types of girls, the type you bring home to your mum and the type you bring home to f**k” and laugh it off as them “being practical”.
However, a person’s sexual history technically is no one’s business except their own.
If you’re worried your potential bae’s ‘sluttiness’ will come off looking bad on you, you’re being superficial.
The only time you should care about who your potential partner has slept with is when you decide it’s time to get busy between the sheets.
Both of you should be transparent about your sexual health. You shouldn’t ‘surprise’ them with the knowledge you have an STD after they confide they’ve developed an unbearable itch ‘downstairs’, post-sex.
At the end of the day, what’s important is the chemistry you both have and if they have a good heart.
The only tricky bit is when you meet someone who is still trying to break their own unhealthy relationship patterns.
In this case, you should be warier if you choose to give them a chance. But if they don’t give you any reason to doubt them, don’t.
Everyone is on their own journey to become the best version of themselves. Ultimately, you should choose to love your significant other wholly for who they are now.
Cover image: Source
This article was first published on 22 February 2018 and last updated on 11 April 2024.
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