Basic Bitches’ Starter Pack

You’re a basic bitch; you know it, I know it, Instagram knows it. But gurl, don’t be ashamed, because #yolo #froyo. Embrace the scheduled café-hopping OOTDs, for your VSCO aesthetics are nonpareil. As our homegirl, T-Swift, preaches: haters gonna hate, but you gotta shake it off.

To slay the complexities of our kind, here are 18 notable traits to keep your basic bitch game on fleek. Take the plunge and see if you’re genuinely the baesic you think you are—if not, you just can’t sit with us.

1. “YAS”

The quintessential sign of approval from any basic bitch. Here are a few examples of this exclamation used in everyday conversations between Basic Bitch X (BBX) and Basic Bitch Y (BBY):

BBX: Omg Becca’s Champagne Pop has just been restocked at Sephora
BBY: YAS GURL

BBY: Scored tickets on sale for BKK retail therapy holla
BBX: YASSS YOU SLAYY

It was even rumoured to be added into the list of words in the updated 2017 Oxford dictionary. But I guess the only successful crossovers of our lingo into the English-speaking world are words like “selfie”, or “twerk”.

2. Cryptic insta bio

Probably stolen off an overhyped Tumblr post or the repetitive lyrics of an EDM song, these basic bios have exploded all over the BBG Insta-community. Now, all your followers know that you’re #incrediblyloved and forever #blessed.

Plus, they’ll also get in touch with the more mellow side of your life through heartfelt desires of wanderlust #throwbacks. Whatever the case, you can’t always expect the wider public to understand your key life mantra to ‘live, laugh, love’. Because what do they know? Just your name, not your story.

3. Snapchat dog filter

Nothing puts the bitch in basic bitch more than a Snapchat dog filter. Attach this virtual face when you’re at home, paired with the “I woke up like this” look (we know you didn’t) or even on the go with your BBGs on ladies’ night. This may be a well-known cheat code with its eye-enlarging, nose-elongating abilities, but it means you can remind your followers that you’re #barefaced and au naturale.

4. LANG LEAV poetry

You.

A memory
Melting like Llao Llao
But You
Left
End of story

Long gone are the days when reading was the uncool activity to embrace. Log on at 2.00am and get acquainted with a slew of melodramatic ‘poetry’ from your fellow basic bitches.

No points for guessing that the author of aforementioned poetry is likely to be Lang Leav, the pioneer of Tumblr literature worldwide. If you want to up your basic game, accompany your entry with single-worded captions such as ‘empty’ or ‘this’ and gather your besties for a HTHT session under the stars. Just make sure Singapore doesn’t have haze from Indonesia.

5. Friends are referred to as lovelies/happy pills

I know most of you are guilty of this, as am I. Because sometimes you just can’t contain your love for your BBGs. But if I had 10 cents for every time I saw a basic bitch’s photo of her clique’s night out captioned anything along the lines of them being happy pills, I’d be a millionaire by now.

However, we’ll let this one slide in the name of your lovelies being your #constant. Because who else is gonna follow you to Bangkok for a shopping trip? Or check into a boutique hotel with you for a staycation?! The real ones get to see you without makeup. #Squadgoals.

6. Music festival #OOTD

As long as you’re at a music festival, it’s on-the-go #OOTD photography time! The occasion doesn’t matter really, as long as there’s an opportunity for people to see how you’ve put together the outfit you planned for the day, in a moderately scenic background.

Unless you’re stuck in 2016 and still donning the crotchet bikini. Prehistoric. It’s all about straight up wearing a bra now. With a tribal headdress and or markings on your face. The goal is to embody whimsical.

7. Workout #OOTD without actually working out

The key here is to let people know that you care about an all-rounded, healthy living. Ignore the irony of that statement because at least you looked hot in that pre-workout gym mirror selfie. It’s not a crime to look good while caring for your body and soul.

Though the fact that you actually do exercise regularly, or even enough to break a sweat in those expensive Lululemons, is questionable.

8. Starbucks or die

Whether you’re an #Eastie perched at Siglap, or a scene kid who frequents 313, our kind flock to the everlasting power Starbucks has over us basic bitches. But most importantly, pics or it didn’t happen.

If you haven’t already geo-tagged the location of your post, at least show us what you consumed was Starbuck-originated. A flatlay or artistic shot of your bagel atop your study notes with your matcha green tea frappe will do.

9. Calls herself a foodie when all she eats is salted egg yolk anything

Alright, the cat’s out of the bag. Your declarations of being an #sgfoodie on Instagram won’t fool anybody when all you order at your cafe-hopping trips is anything doused in salted egg yolk. But we don’t blame you for keeping up with the culinary trends. It’s clear that the custardy, sweet-salty ambrosia is a sure-win for foodies far and wide.

After all, aside from a basic bitch’s strict diet that goes according to #mood and PMS, every #eatclean week needs a #cheatday. And when in her natural habitat, a basic bitch is most relaxed—sitting among her comrades at Sunday Folks, Milk & Honey, or any other café that hypes up the concept of brunch. Or offers soft serve ice cream.

10. Bakes muffins all day but can’t cook

I don’t know how, I don’t know where, and I don’t know why these girls have learnt to make the best homemade lavender-flavoured goods, but refuse to make us all a sandwich. Okay, I’m sorry, that was a recycled joke. I guess you can’t complain when they’re the ones who will teach you what cultured, artisanal flavours mean.

11. The TMI social-media-diary of a party girl

Sometimes party girls need to remind us of how much fun they have on drunken nights, 4-7 times a week, in case we forget how the interior of a club looks like. Because their dimly-lit shots give us an accurate representation of how intensely enjoyable the night was. Tequila shot? More like get a proper shot in frame first.

Alternatively a more pensive shot of her holding a cigarette, eyes wandering into space with what looks like deep, brooding thoughts. You smoke? Badass. I knew your baking skills stretched beyond the kitchen. We’ll caption that #420 so only the cool kids get it.

12. Getting drunk before 11pm at Zouk

Because what’s the point of going to the club sober, amirite? It’s okay, we’ve all been there. Especially when we’re underaged and need to prove our worth via alcohol tolerance. I mean, why spend 2 hours on your makeup if no one gets to see it allllll over your face by the end of the night (or beginning in this case).

Mom may not approve of this recklessness, but what’s a party without a few drunk, podium-dancing-queens dancing to the beat of Hotline Bling? Don’t worry ladies, your efforts in the bodycon miniskirt and wingtip eyeliner department are not unjustified.

13. Dating a basic bro

He’ll be the one with the gelled back undercut who shares your OCD against pictures that aren’t aligned, or evenly spaced apart like photography’s rule of thirds. And the horrors of mismatching colour themes on Instagram feeds. Or worse, when their feed isn’t seamless because they add borders around posts. #Woes.

And hopefully the two of you can make some #feedgoals #relationshipgoals #couplefacegoals.

14. Influencer hashtags

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#weseeyou #donttrytohide #whyyoulyin #hatersgonnahate #basicbitchesgonnabasic #areyouevenaninfluencer #doyouwannabeontop #whatdoesinfluencermeantho #sggirls #sg #asiasingapore #singaporesingapore #sginstagirl #foodporn #happy #sad #salty #saltbae #bae #confused #perplexed #tired #ofreadingthesehashtags

15. Overnight sneakerhead because #hypebeast

Isn’t it funny how wearing shoes with velcro straps back in our schooling years was viewed as lame? But now girls are crawling around everywhere in those Stan Smiths. Yeezus.

If you were to walk into a room full of fellow basic bitches in dutch braids wearing a lace-up blouse and choker, paired with your staple Liquid Paper shade of white kicks, you might face an identity crisis. But say what you will, there’s no shame in looking poppin’. How bow dah.

16. Excessive accessorising for beachwear

If your #OOTD is from Cotton On, you can’t sit with us at Tanjong Beach Club anymore ‘cause your bikini isn’t authentic Triangl. Anyway, I think we’ve established that “take her swimming on the first date” isn’t an issue with our RuPaul-level makeup skills.

The real problem is getting our hair wet, or rusting our Lovisa body chains. Because we pay good money for those thin, temporarily shiny accessories. And if you actually think we wore this bikini to swim in it, you’re deluded. The straps all over are hard enough to get in, imagine getting out of it, wet.

17. Elaborate theme parties

When they turn 21, 18, or even 16, basic bitches need elaborate birthday parties with an overkill of roses, metallic numerical balloons, and pastries in a cramped hotel room. Let’s not forget the love—from their parents, boyfriend, best friends, main, and sub cliques. Throw in a theme for originality and you can copyright the idea.

So get ready to like the annual post where she poses with her cake and balloons that state her age so you know it was the day she escaped the womb. And wish her alongside 40 other comments from hi-bye friends on her picture because a private Whatsapp chat is too low key. 

18. When she’s ‘one of the guys’

When she claims that she “hates drama” but it’s the only thing she talks about, she a basic bitch.
When she says she gets along better with boys because girls are so political, she a basic bitch.
When she tells you that you can trust her because she’s just one of the bros, she a basic bitch.

But who knows? Maybe guys are cool chillin’ in the friendzone.

Basic And Proud

Being basic just means you’re relevant and you know what’s in trend. Maybe certain bad habits are all part of a passing phase of growing up. So if you ever feel bogged down, always remember thy spirit animal and you will pull through. Or do some online shopping at your favourite blogshop. That’ll remind you why you love lace up dresses so much. *does Mediacorp Dab*