Building Character

First and foremost I don’t like the phrase “slutty”, hence the quotation marks. However, it is the easiest way people can understand what I’m talking about: sexually promiscuous women perceived in a negative light.

In our teenage years, some of us go through a rabak phase, and I’m no exception. While hookup culture is still largely frowned upon in Singapore society, we shouldn’t deny certain experiences just because they’re perceived as unsavoury.

Reflecting on my own experience, I don’t believe it’s all bad, in fact, here are 9 reasons why I believe my ‘slutty’ phase has helped me build character.

1. You’re less likely to engage in destructive behaviour

Once you’ve been there done that, you’ve probably got all the ratchetness out of your system and no longer feel the need to do wild, crazy things.

When you’re mellowed out, you don’t feel the need to dance with every guy who looks your way on the dance floor. Neither do you feel the ‘need to prove’ your drinking abilities by chugging rounds of tequila.

Now when you party, the aim of the night is to have a great time with friends, not to go home with some random guy. You’d rather drink responsibly so you don’t wake up with a raging headache and an empty bank account.

2. You communicate better with your partner

Unlike the movies, one does not simply orgasm on the first attempt or unhook a bra on the first try. Whether you had lots of sexperience or just traded a few kisses, a ‘slutty’ phase taught you such skills and made you aware of what you liked and dislike in bed.

This advantage of being in-tune with your body makes it easier to communicate about your sexual preferences with your partner. If you can openly talk about your wildest fantasies, it’s unlikely any topic will be taboo.

Being physically and emotionally in tune with yourself and your partner can also translate out of the bedroom, which goes a long way when addressing issues in your relationship.

3. You learn to appreciate your parents

Despite going against their wishes by locking yourself in a room with a boy or sneaking out past midnight, your parents always stood by you even at your worst. Sometimes, mum even guessed right about the douche you believed was ‘The One’ at 17 years old.

Now that you’re older, you realise how incredibly giving and tolerant your parents were despite the stress you put them through. As if clothing and feeding a brat wasn’t enough, they had to constantly worry if you’d get your heart broken, be taken advantage of, or get pregnant.

4. You learn how to stand up for yourself

When you date around, many guys will take it as an invitation get fresh with you. Some guys think if you wear a short skirt, you’re ‘asking for it’ and take flirting a step too far when they try to touch you inappropriately.

When guys constantly hit on you, you learn how to say “no”. Learning how to stand up for yourself helps you stand up for others too. Be it a girl who’s tipsy and can’t shake off a guy, or a friend who’s being picked on by a teacher in class, you’re more than ready to step in and get them out of there.

5. You learn how to channel sexiness (even when you’re fully clothed)

The question is, what have you not worn out? Looking back, I’m not sure how I convinced myself that a stretched-out bandana would serve as a suitable skirt-replacement or how wearing a midriff-bearing shirt that exposed my bra was acceptable.

Having worn some crazy outfits, you realise it’s not necessarily what you wear that makes you sexy; it’s how you carry it. In the beginning, you took a thrill out of wearing tight, skin-baring outfits because of the way it grabbed people’s attention. But as the novelty faded, that feeling of fabulousness became internalised.

People can always tell you that sexiness is an attitude, but unless you feel it and understand it, you’d never know. In the process, you learn how to love your body a lot more, as you become unashamed of your body, regardless your size.

6. You know how to recognise douchebags and avoid them

Ah, bad boys. You know him; smooth, handsome, suave. He wriggled his way into your heart just like that. But as quickly as he came, he left, blue-ticking all your messages.

He shattered your heart so completely that you swore you’d never fall in love again. All girls make mistakes, but only wise girls learn from their mistakes. After that phase you had with douchebags, you now know how to repel f*ckboys from miles away.

7. You realise you’re not who you sleep with

From young, most of us are taught that a good girl is someone who saves herself for marriage. But we’re not taught why.

We’re shamed for sleeping with men, then shamed for being ‘left on the shelf’ like ‘expired milk’. But after getting pissed off and ultimately desensitised by nasty remarks, you realise that words don’t define anyone’s personality.

At the end of the day, a woman’s sexual preference is her own prerogative.

8. You learn the importance of vulnerability

It’s only when you’ve been physically intimate with a guy, that you realise it could be the only thing he wants from you. There’s a good chance you’ve been hurt more times than you can count.

Gradually, you try to build a wall around yourself so no one can ever get to you—you shut everyone out so you can no longer get hurt. But you realise acknowledging your emotions is a big part of being human. By pushing everyone away, you’re just isolating and alienating yourself.

It’s a trying process but you learn how it’s more important to be vulnerable than invulnerable. The inner strength you draw upon helps you to become emotionally mature.

9. You learn empathy

Having had your own slutty phase, you’ve probably done things which are questionable. From this phase, you’ve probably recognised how it’s unfair to pass snap judgements on a person without knowing their story.

To understand how people are, you learn to open your heart, be tolerant and understanding. What people do is none of your business so long they’re happy, not self-destructive and aren’t hurting anyone.

Lessons Learnt Through Experience

While there are certain benefits to having a ‘slutty’ phase, this article is by no means encouraging anyone to actively go and hook up with random strangers. While we may not be proud of certain things we’ve done, there’s always a lesson to be learnt, making us the more well-rounded person we are today.


Cover image: Source