Smartphone Etiquette 101

Welcome to 2017 ya filthy animals. Yeap. We’ve reached a point where ground rules of decency in the virtual world have to be established. Because savagery now comes in the form of two blue ticks. Or lack thereof.

For the ones who have all the connective tools at their fingertips, our millennial generation is known to be ironically unresponsive. However, you don’t have to be one of the antisocial social-media-whores that people associate the skewed stereotype with anymore.

This is an official breakdown of the nasty habits to leave behind in 2016.

1. Blue Tickers

See, the great thing about blue ticks is that if you didn’t reply me, at least you had the balls to show me. Because I know you opened the message.

Personally, I never trust a grey-ticker on WhatsApp. But that’s just me and my FOMO-based hyper-paranoia I guess.

However if you have chosen to deactivate the blue-tick function, make sure you’re the reliable type who always remembers to get back to people, alright Ms./Mr. Mysterious? Because you know what’s worse than leaving people hanging because you never respond? Leaving people unsure of where they stand with you. Because I thought we were cool, man.

2. New Phone Who Dis

The difficult part about living in the age of technology is that we all know that everyone’s strapped to their smart phones. All. The. Time. So don’t give some 2007 excuse and play the “OMG, I never received your message” card.

If an old friend or even old flame were to reach out to you, don’t be immature. You don’t have to pretend you lost all your contacts and play out this whole facade of being a first-time smartphone user. Unless they only hit you up when they need something, then by all means.



3. Dying Midway On WhatsApp

It’s difficult for previous generations (a.k.a. your future/current employers) to trust us in the workplace if we represent the era of don’t-give-a-shit. But here’s a simple solution: If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you’re going to make a plan, follow through.

So this goes without saying—following through includes replying someone mid-conversation and not disappearing off the face of the earth. And no, it doesn’t help if you get back to them a week later when it’s too late. You would have already left them with the dilemma of waiting on you or making other plans.

4. Crafting Your Replies For Strategic Power Moves

Which brings me to my next point. Let’s just cut the crap and completely void this lame habit of strategically planning the “right” moment to reply—or worse, the length of it. People who were honestly too busy to reply would usually let you know that they’ll get back to you when they’re free out of courtesy.

But when someone power plays for the upper hand and carefully crafts their texts to make it seem like they care, but not too much, know that your time is not dispensable like they treat it. And consider dropping the conversation as a whole.

Because if to “double text or nah” is your biggest concern, rethink your priorities.

5. Selective Snapchat/Instagram Story Viewing

HOMEGIRL. What a time to be alive. Who knew Snapchat would revolutionise the concept of opening a message into the most feared yet revered form of affirmation. As such, the decent code here would be to view my stories if I viewed yours. Petty? Well, should’ve thought of that before you created your Instagram account.

I know, I know. This wouldn’t be a problem if we all weren’t so self(ie)-obsessed, but if you looked this good and snapped it, you’d want me to open it. And don’t even open my story if you don’t watch the whole thing.

Alright, I’m not one to care too much about keeping up with all of the stories online, but isn’t it funny how many of us let this run our 21st century lives?

6. When Texting Is Your Main Means Of Communication

First of all—chill out. When did we take the turn of basing the genuity of our relationships on our phones’ conversation histories. Yes, it’s rude and inconsiderate of someone not to get back to you after you messaged them. But it’s not the end of the world because they took some time to do so. It all boils down to the intention of it.

True story: One time I accidentally pressed the call button on WhatsApp to this guy I was having a cold war with. I know, just kill me now. But it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes one’s sincerity is best heard through their voice.

So good ol’ phone calls should make a comeback. Practise actual human interaction every so often. If not you should consider getting 2016’s craziest text messaging invention, the LoveBot, to reply on your behalf. Okay just kidding, please don’t do that.



Reply Me If It’s Real

Now, we understand the concept of ghosting. And if you intend on doing that to a stalker who stole your number, we understand. But if not, reply me to show me that our connection is stronger than Singtel’s 5G. So at least I’d know you’re always steady on getting back to me…unless I see you on my timeline before that happens.