Unhealthy boundaries in relationships
In a relationship, it’s easy to devote most of your life to your partner. You start to spend more time with each other, and your lives begin to mesh together. However, it’s crucial to remember that even if you love them and can see a future with them, setting boundaries in the relationship is extremely important.
A recent post by @jingyii on Lemon8 gained a fair amount of traction for highlighting the telltale signs that one’s relationship has unhealthy boundaries. In the post, she shares that healthy boundaries are crucial in a relationship to ensure trust and emotional respect. However, it’s also important to identify the red flags present in your relationship’s dynamics. Here are 7 signs that indicate that your relationship has unhealthy boundaries.
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1. Lack of personal space
Once we find “the one”, it’s understandable to want to spend time with them constantly. However, Jingyi emphasises that spending time with your friends and having personal days is still healthy so your identity doesn’t get completely tied up with being in a relationship.
Jingyi warns that disregarding the need for personal space may lead to feelings of suffocation in the relationship.
2. Sexual coercion
Has your partner ever forced you into doing something that you aren’t comfortable with sexually? If they have, it’s a sign of unhealthy boundaries.
If they disregard your sexual boundaries, it’s a sign that they do not respect your personal needs and wants. At the end of the day, you should remember that consent is the most important thing to respect while in a relationship.
3. Highly dependent on each other
Similar to the point about a lack of personal space, being highly dependent on your partner can do more harm than good. Yes, it’s nice to have a companion to do even the most mundane things but if you do everything together, you may lose your sense of independence.
Jingyi also mentions that if you and your partner are overly dependent on each other, it may result in one party feeling inadequate without the other’s reassurance, and feeling burdened in the relationship.
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4. Emotional abuse
Even though it’s not physical, abuse is still abuse. Emotional abuse can sometimes be more difficult to acknowledge than its physical equivalent because it’s not as obvious. This could be done through insults or humiliation, or even through gaslighting, where your partner manipulates you to change your perception of things.
Jingyi shares that emotional abuse can result in being undermined or guilt-shamed by your partner, which is definitely a sign that boundaries have been crossed.
5. Control and manipulation
Jingyi mentions that control and manipulation can come in many forms, such as controlling what you wear, who you can see, and what you can do. While these are just a few examples, there are a lot of other forms of subtle manipulation.
If you’ve experienced this, it could lead to a loss of self-esteem and confidence.
6. Inability to say no
Do you find yourself saying yes to every single one of your partner’s requests? If you’re guilty of this, it’s another sign of unhealthy boundaries. You shouldn’t be afraid to say no, even if it may cause your partner some discomfort or harm.
If you do keep saying yes, Jingyi warns that you may feel some resentment towards your partner for your lack of autonomy, as well as being emotionally overwhelmed.
7. Financial control
When planning your future together, it can be essential to track your finances to make sure you don’t indulge in impulse buys and overspend on unnecessary things. However, there is a fine line between doing that and obsessively tracking each other’s finances, which can signify a lack of boundaries.
Jingyi mentions that when one party is put in control of all the finances, it can lead to an imbalance in power, which ultimately leads to financial insecurity for the other party.
How can you tell you have unhealthy relationship boundaries
Jingyi showed us some tell-tale signs of unhealthy boundaries in a relationship. If any of these signs sound familiar, speak to your partner about reinforcing your boundaries, or step away from the relationship if it’s no longer a space that can be safe for you.
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