Most of us would agree that romantic relationships tend to set off blissfully, but it is only a matter of time before you notice something might be off about your other half.
Whether it is a personality trait you didn’t realise before or alarming red flags to immediately steer away from, people show their true colours eventually. For Lemon8 user Christie, she realised she was dating a fatphobic, and has shared her experience to warn others not to make the same mistake.
Back in 2019, Christie began dating her ex-boyfriend after a few months of being friends. She clarified that at that point in time, he “never once said anything to indicate that he was fatphobic”.
However, it was only after they started dating that he began to reveal his true opinions. On one occasion, he whispered to her on the MRT while pointing to a plus-sized lady, saying, “Wah you see her thighs damn big leh”.
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Since Christie thought it was only a one-time comment, she didn’t call him out and let the incident go. Looking back, she regretted not saying anything. However, that comment set off alarm bells in Christie’s head.
Sharing more about her ex-boyfriend, Christie mentioned that he was “blessed with very good genes” and “already had a good body to begin with”. He even frequented the gym to improve his physique, believing that “there’s no good excuse to be fat”.
His fatphobia could also be seen in the messages that he sent her over time, confessing that he “fat shamed, but silently”, and couldn’t stand fat people. Eventually, his comments took a mental toll on Christie because he would rate her as 7.5 out of 10, and a 9 only if she went to the gym.
Considering that Christie was 52kg when they were dating, she found it ridiculous that he wanted her to lose even more weight.
That’s not all ‒ he even attempted to control Christie’s food choices. Instead of allowing her to enjoy a plate of chicken cutlet curry rice, he insisted that she should have fishball noodles just because she had KFC the previous day. However, when Christie stood her ground and refused to give in to him, she recalled him being very disgruntled.
Christie’s final straw with her ex-boyfriend happened when he made a fat joke about her family member. She could no longer tolerate his disrespectful behaviour, and called him out on it. Although he apologised for his actions, he went on to clarify that he still dislikes fat people.
To make things worse, he had the audacity to assume that Christie only confronted him because she was on her period, suggesting that she was more “angsty” during that time.
By sharing her experience, Christie hopes that others will not make the same mistakes as she did, and will recognise red flags early on. Below, she also provides a few pointers to take note of.
It takes time to truly know a person’s character, and Christie advises to “really get to understand their beliefs, values, likes and dislikes”, especially if you’re looking for a serious relationship. This way, it is much easier to identify any deal breakers that could lead to potential problems.
Everyone has their own beliefs and values. And in a relationship, there is a chance that yours might clash with those of your partner’s. Instead of sweeping it under the rug, make an effort to address the differences, and don’t be afraid to talk about it if it is an important issue that contradicts your values.
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No one has the right to bring you down, and it is important to remember that if your partner makes you feel inferior, whether emotionally or physically, Christie advises you to leave them.
“You will find someone who genuinely loves the way you look,” she shared.
It is common to fall head over heels for a person, only to discover that they are not who we imagined them to be. Rather than staying in a relationship that could turn toxic, Christie’s past relationship teaches us that it is important to learn to stand up for ourselves, and recognise our self-worth.
For more body positivity related stories, check out this article of how this 29-year-old flat-chested Singaporean learned to love her body.
Cover: Eatbook, source
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