Finding A Boyfriend
“Open your eyes big big!” was the advice my mother gave me when finding a boyfriend. That was her way of telling me to choose wisely before I decided to trap a guy’s ass.
As Mark Manson wrote, when we become too focused on finding someone who ticks all these boxes, we tend to nitpick and push people away. That’s probably why some feel local girls are tough to date.
But being human means having flaws. Having dated for a bit, I’ve realised an ideal life partner isn’t someone who is ‘perfect’. Rather, it’s recognising which flaws are compatible to your own.
1. He is stubborn
It’s not that I cannot listen to differing opinions, but I do require some convincing. More often than not, I find myself pushing for things to be done my way.
Despite facing strong pushback, a stubborn man will maintain a strong sense of self. When I put a toe out of line, he knows to tell me “no”. If we argue, he won’t give in just because it’s the easier option.
It can be maddening at times to date a stubborn dude because he’ll make your life ‘hard’. But if he isn’t quick to anger and can put aside his ego when arguing, you’ll realise he can serve as a strong emotional anchor.
2. He is a huge nerd
Nerds don’t care about being cool. They’ll incessantly talk about their latest computer games, or e-scooter modifications because they’re that excited to share their life with you.
Though their earnestness can come off as overbearing and awkward, I appreciate how they remain genuinely enthusiastic.
Because they pursue their passions relentlessly, nerdy guys know how to be supportive of your hobbies. Even when they don’t know what you’re going on about, or think your fish documentary-watching is ‘lame’, they’ll support you unconditionally.
No matter what you do, he’ll be your personal cheerleader.
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3. He is vain
I once dated a guy who took longer than I did to get ready. He would change outfits thrice before a date. And I didn’t mind waiting because damn, he looked good.
I enjoyed looking at him. I was proud when I noticed girls (and guys) checking him out it. I never had to worry about him embarrassing me at events because I knew he’d be charming.
4. He is cocky
With their unfailing confidence and “I won’t take shit” attitude, cocky guys are infuriatingly charming.
Because of their unflappable self-belief, they are so assured of their self-worth. Just by being with them, their confidence rubs off on me and I feel pushed to achieve more.
As girls, I feel sometimes we’re unwilling to ask for more. At work, we might not feel qualified enough. In relationships, we turn a blind eye to mistakes. But dating a cocky guy with Big Dick Energy will tell you: seize life by the balls, the world is your goddamn oyster.
5. He is selfish with his time
When I catch feelings for someone, I want to see them constantly. That means I don’t see my friends and family, or have alone time as much as I should.
Usually, guys who are selfish with their time have a lot going on in their lives. They’ll actively limit the amount of time I can spend with them. This forces me to maintain a life outside of the relationship and be independent.
Also, seeing how someone maximises and treasures every minute of his time will spur you to do more with your day too.
6. He is impulsive
In Singapore we follow a five-step life model: school, work, BTO, marriage, children. But we forget this isn’t the only way to live. Dating someone impulsive is a constant reminder that life is too short to play it safe.
I’m idealistic, romantic, and high-strung. If I’m dating someone who says “wait” before doing anything, I’ll get bored quickly. I want someone in touch with his wants and feelings, and acts on them accordingly.
It isn’t wise to be rash, but stopping to consider all possible outcomes constantly is a mood dampener.
Dating Advice For Finding Boyfriend
While I do recognise these personality traits can be toxic when left unchecked, they’re usually not a problem if your prospective partner is self-aware and not egoistic.
Still, we should not excuse bad behaviour with a “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best”. If he’s exhibiting dating red flags, it’s best to leave.
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