Being Cheated On
*Names were changed to protect some identities.
Some people call cheating an “accident”. Some say it’s an unforgivable string of selfish decisions that led to the cheating itself. Maybe it’s the generation we live in now where cheating may seem easier with social media and dating apps like Tinder. But one thing’s for sure—getting betrayed by our loved ones is always heart-wrenching.
Every experience is a good lesson for us to recognise our worth before letting someone else take advantage of our kindness. But before we learn things the hard way, here are 10 girls who’ve experienced the plunge of a knife from the ones they trusted the most.
I saw my ex holding hands with someone at Upper Thomson. The first time he cheated, it crushed me. I forgave him, but he was a repeat offender. After a while I became numb to it. Once, I came over early from work to surprise him and saw flirty MSN exchanges. Two of my friends also saw him getting cosy with different girls on separate occasions. And all these girls were from my school. So stupid, right? I only truly forgave him years later when I learnt what real love felt like. I realised I was only clinging onto him out of familiarity.
Found out through social media
My ex was hugging me at a club near Chinatown while holding another girl’s hand literally behind my back. It’s so f***** up, I only found out after we broke up. He was still logged into Facebook on my phone so I saw the girl’s DM saying he was “daring” to have done that. I felt so deceived, like nothing in the relationship was ever real. I forgave him to be easier on myself, but it’s harder for me to trust new people I date. It doesn’t feel as innocent anymore.
Our relationship almost lasted 4 years before we broke up. He was very dodgy. One day, he told me he was going to study with his bro but I suspected otherwise. When I checked his tagged pictures on Instagram, this girl captioned that she couldn’t study unless my boyfriend was there to drag her. I was dumb because I took him back, but decided to stop being an option when I wised up. I recovered via Tinder and Zouk 3 times a week. LOL.
I met my first boyfriend through church. After we broke up, I found out he cheated through a girl’s blog that my mutual friend told me to read—a girl he was rumoured to have gone out with before me. Apparently my friends knew about it but no one wanted to tell me. That hurt almost as much as what he did. When I confronted him, he said he was only trying to get her to go back to church. But I knew her friends and they told me he actually arranged dates with her around my schedule, and spent more time with her than me. I’ve always had low self-esteem so I slipped into eating disorders. It took me almost two years to get over it, but I don’t trust guys anymore. Now when someone tells me they love me, I question it because I was so easily replaced once.
We may have been young but I thought we had something special. She was the love of my life, together for a year in Singapore and 2 years long-distance. She cheated on me with a guy whom she insisted was her gay best friend. They got together immediately after our break. I saw it online. When I went over to Sydney to find her for closure, she still lied. She said we’d stay friends and that she’ll always love me, but completely cut me out of her life. As days go by the pain stings less, but the sadness never goes away.
My first love cheated on me. I found out about this girl when I looked through his tagged Instagram pictures, so I asked about her. He said he could explain, but I broke up with him, then toh-ed at ZoukOut. After that he admitted they kissed and became friends with benefits. He told me to wait for him and I did. For 6 months. Remembering it makes me feel stupid. Yeah, I took him back because I was led by my heart. But I learnt to separate my emotions and think things through clearly. And to never give second chances to a guy who cheated on you.
Loved ones told on them
After we broke up, stories kept coming in, like how he was still contacting exes while with me. I went ape shit man. All I wanted was for him to admit it and apologise. But till today, nothing. When we were shaky towards the end, he had something on with his best friend from Lasalle. I found out because my Lasalle friends told me they saw them being so touchy, they thought we had already broken up. Being a silly 19-year-old, I deleted every trace of him and unfollowed him on social media. I had a partying phase and drank my sorrows away. Chugged down pint after pint—the weight gain was real. But I’ve let go of the past, and we’re friends now.
My partner met a girl at school and they got really close. I was quite suspicious because she was all my partner talked about. But since we were in a committed relationship, I decided to trust her. After a party (which I didn’t go for), a couple of friends asked me whether I was okay, so that was how I knew. She was pretty cold afterwards and avoided me. But eventually, she told me she cheated on me at that party. I gave her another chance, but I don’t trust her as much anymore.
Found out through texts
I was cheated on twice by the same asshole. I had this gut feeling he was hiding something so I checked his phone and all the sexts were right there. When I confronted him, his excuse was that he didn’t feel my love. He was my first love and that was hard to let go; I couldn’t see myself with anyone else. So I gave him a second chance, even after I almost moved on with someone new. Then he cheated again. How I felt? It’s hard to pick one feeling. My heart sank in disbelief, I was full of anger, but then just pure sadness when I realised it was over.
I found out through MSN messages that my ex-husband cheated on me. There was heartache, a sense of unworthiness and incompetence as a partner. I left, filled with self doubt and internal struggle. I tried to figure out what went wrong from every angle. In the end, I made peace with myself, which in my opinion is most important. I forgave him and a year later took him back simply because I loved this man. But things still didn’t work out. I left again and disciplined myself to limit my conversations with him. I used to be naive but I’ve learnt to guard myself—at times too much. I’m still learning to find my balance.
Regardless of how new the relationship is, being cheated on is always painful and shocking for the victims. Betrayal comes in all shapes and forms, by both men and women. Soon we’ll have a look at another perspective, as we talk to 10 guys who’ve gone through it as well.