Why Girls Can Be Assholes On Tinder — Confessions Of A Singaporean F-Girl

Being An F-Girl

Disclaimer: This article is based on the opinion of a self-identified F-girl and is not representative of all women

*Names have been changed to protect identities

As much as we point fingers at guys and call them “F-boys” when we get played, I can’t deny some of us ladies reflect these less-than-desirable behaviours too.

The female counterpart of F-boys, F-girls show interest before ghosting her object of attention, never to be seen again.

To find answers to why some girls choose to be jerks when dating, I sat down with self-identified F-girl, Chantel*, to ask what really goes on in the minds of these playgirls.

Why do you think guys fall for F-girls?

Chantel:
I think secretly all guys are waiting for that one girl that can make their life exciting for them. It’s kind of like why girls like bad boys.

Do you know what’s negging? It’s basically being an asshole. You tease them, shut them down, give backhanded compliments. It creates a want for your attention and approval. The saddest part of this asshole move both F-boys and F-girls use is that it actually works.

It works because many Singaporean guys on dating apps are insecure about themselves. Many are cocky assholes who have a certain bravado and want a girl that can challenge them. Or they’re the nerdy type who don’t really get shit and are a bit of a noob.

They don’t draw boundaries for themselves and let people treat them badly.

The biggest question would be why do F-girls play with the feelings of guys?

I think it’s because we like the attention. I know I’m not ugly and guys respond to the way I look. It’s nice to hear someone call you “hot”, “cute”, or “pretty”.

 

Also, the way guys try so hard for you to like them boosts your ego. It’s nice to feel wanted.

So is sex the end goal or do you just like the attention?

No, I don’t think sex is the end goal. It’s cool and all but I think it’s knowing that they want you is what makes being an F-girl addictive.

You enjoy the thrill of the chase because the anticipation and flirting is the most fun. Especially if the dude you’re talking to can flirt and converse well.

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What do your friends think about your F-girl attitude?

They’re not judgey about it. Usually, they’re not worried because they know I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself. If anything, it’s the guys I’m seeing they feel sorry for. Especially if they know I only see him as a casual thing.

It’s gotten to a point they sometimes lose track of the guys I’m seeing because I change them so quickly. But they do tell me when they feel I’m going out with too many guys at once and that I need to chill.

How many guys do you date at once?

Sometimes, one. Sometimes, three dates with three different guys in a week.

Do the guys know about each other?

I make it a rule to tell them that it’s super casual and I’m seeing other people as well. It doesn’t weigh on my conscience because I make it clear from the start what they signed up for.

We’re all adults. My general rule is you can flirt all you want; the first person who catches feelings first loses. If you catch feelings, it’s not my problem.

Why do F-girls date so many guys at once? How do you even find the energy?

Because we’re bored and looking for the next person to entertain us and fill our time.

But loads of dudes can’t hold a conversation and finding someone you have a connection with is really hard. A lot of them don’t get references or have a good command of English. When they type like, “Hey what u up 2?” I just unmatch them immediately.

Online dating is a low-effort, low-stakes game and you should treat it as such. If you invest in everyone 100% all the time you’re gonna be disappointed.

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Do you regret sleeping with anyone?

I try to adopt a ‘this is what I wanted at the moment so I don’t regret it’ attitude. But yeah, of course, there are always some dudes that will make you wonder, “Why did I let them touch me?”

In general, most people you hook up with are people you don’t want to hang out with during the day. Especially if he’s cheating on his girlfriend. If he’s hot, then just f**k ah.

So how do you not catch feelings with the guys you sleep with?

Before you hook up with anyone, ask yourself “Is this a dude I wanna date or just I wanna f**k?” If you decide it’s only physical, then you tell yourself that. When I don’t, that’s usually when I mess up and catch feelings. Especially if the guy is nice.

Then I don’t know man. If you catch feelings it f**ks you up a bit. But if the guy is smart, he’ll realise you’re a bit crazy and stop dating you. So he solves the problem for you.

Do you think you’ll ever stop being an F-girl?

Yeah, actually I’m outgrowing it right now. The longer I spend online dating, the worst I feel about myself. It’s just an endless cycle of guys that don’t mean anything.

I think part of being an F-girl is you don’t realise you’re one until one day, you’re staring back at the mirror and realise you low-key hate yourself a bit. You feel like your life is spiralling out of control and you want it to stop but you don’t know how.

Usually, this happens when you’re thinking about the stupid shit you did. For me, it was when I sent a guy home, despite knowing he obviously wanted to f**k. But I wasn’t feeling it so put him to bed, and cycled home at 4.00am in the morning.

At that moment, I was like, “I’m a f**king mess.”

I think when you come to this self-realisation, you’ll want to make life better for yourself and develop a more healthy attitude towards relationships.

But even in a reformed F-girl, that asshole in her will always be there. It’s just whether or not you’ll suppress it or not.

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Cover illustration by Asher Mak