There’s no denying that it’s easier to talk to a stranger online rather than IRL on first meeting. But the rise of dating apps in this day and age also comes with a new wave of concerns — catfishing, online predators and scams.
To help women in Singapore stay safe and vigilant, a private Facebook group known as “SG Women Ask” was formed, made up of women who warn each other about their bad experiences with men on dating apps. Though the group started with a positive purpose, it has since gained backlash from the public for being toxic and problematic.
The private Facebook group has grown to nearly 3,000 members since its formation. Each post usually begins with a woman posting a picture of a man that they’d met online, asking fellow members what they thought.
From there, women who had previously dated the person in question can share if they “approve” of him or not, citing real-life examples and even screen shots to back up their claims.
Many women have benefited from this group, with numerous men being called out for toxic behaviour such as sexual assault, harrassment and abuse in past relationships.
This isn’t the first time a group with the intention of protecting women was created. In 2021, a Singaporean TikToker created a dating excel spreadsheet for women to discuss guys on dating apps to “save time”. However, things soon took a nasty turn when many users began to expose personal information of the men being discussed, which resulted in the sheet being deleted.
SG Women Ask on the other hand, has a strict set of rules, such as not allowing users to reveal the men’s surnames, jobs, home addresses and contact information. Hate speech or bullying is also forbidden.
Despite the rules, which are meant to ensure that the space remains a safe space, the group has faced backlash from members of the public. Many felt that the comments are cruel, and even with the “no bullying” rule in place, the men being exposed do have their faces being posted online, with gossip being spread about them.
Reddit user @Administrator-Reddit shared, “I know some women who have used these sorts of FB groups before and they usually say that they do it for their own safety. But the truth is that these groups are a terrible invasion of people’s privacies.”
Another user @MadKyaw added, “It started out as something innocent for the sake of safety, but groups like these would attract unsavoury people that use it for malicious intentions. Eventually, the original purpose of the group gets forgotten.”
But we also can’t overlook the positive effects that the Facebook group has brought for women. One woman found out that someone she matched with online was already married with children, and others managed to avoid “red flags” of men who are known to have a history of sexual harassment and abuse.
The group has also served as a space for women to share relationship advice with each other, expanding to egg freezing and how to deal with being caught having an affair. Proving that girl code still exists, some women have even offered to help each other in case their dates go bad.
Reading about these reminds me once again that girls will always have each others’ backs, and ultimately, it is empowering to stand up for ourselves in our own right.
However, the spread of negativity in the group has also proved that it’s difficult to manage every single user. When does it cross the line into problematic doxxing and gossip? Users may easily fall into this toxic cycle with the excuse that they’re just “protecting” other women.
Some women have brought up the fact that if men can create the “SG Nasi Lemak” Telegram channel to share pictures of women, why can’t women do the same? But two wrongs don’t make a right, especially if we want to move towards creating a more gender-equal ground for women to feel empowered in their own way.
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