How To Throw Shade, Politely
We all have that one girl we can’t stand. She could be a colleague, a frenemy or a school mate. Most of the time, we remain civil and practice restraint, even though they test the limits of our patience.
But on the days you feel particularly savage, here are 20 polite insults you can use to ‘throw shade’ at Singaporean girls you hate—no vulgarities needed.
1. May you experience an MRT breakdown when you’re late for work.
2. May you be called an “auntie” by a teenager.
3. May your Koi bubble tea explode in your face when you try to poke a straw through it.
4. May you always be out when your Taobao parcel arrives so that you’d have to specially make a trip down to the post office.
5. May your period start and leak through your favourite underwear, and onto the SBS bus seat.
6. May your hair get kiap-ed in your rubber band when you pull it out.
7. May your makeup be on fleek only on the hottest, most humid day of the year.
8. May you confess to the guy you like and hear the reply “I like myself too”.
9. May your foundation rub off onto your brand new white T-shirt.
10. May your Tinder date not look like his photo at all.
11. May you almost, but never, reach your KPI.
12. May your boyfriend always blue tick your messages.
13. May you always be given a reserved seat on the MRT.
14. May you be lying comfortably on your bed when your mother repeatedly shouts your name, but not reply when you answer her.
15. May your relatives all add you on Facebook and comment on all your ratchet photos.
16. May your relatives ask you why you have no boyfriend every family gathering.
17. May you be unable to undo your romper when you’re drunk and need to pee when you’re at the club.
18. May your heels get stuck in the longkang grating and get scratched when you pull it out.
19. May your spoon always disappear into your century egg porridge.
20. May you always be too cold indoors, but too hot when you wear a jacket.
Choose Your Words Wisely
As demonstrated, a choice combination of words can be equally, if not more brutal than swearing. Now armed with this newfound knowledge, go out and throw some shade RuPaul would be proud of!