Advice From Girls With Army Boyfriends
If your boyfriend is enlisting soon, you might be worried, scared or plain sad about the impending time apart. But you’re not alone. Despite the number of times we hear of couples who break up during the guy’s NS period, there are many couples who do make it through BMT all the way to ORD unscathed—and come out stronger.
Here are 10 Singaporean girls who’ve been through it to tell you that it’s not that bad, along with advice on how to deal with it.
Don’t be melodramatic —you’re not going to die
The best advice I can give is to not be melodramatic about it. You’re a strong independent lady and you’re not going to die if you don’t see him for 3 weeks. From my experience, the more you fret, the harder it is for him—when he’s already going through so much. The best thing to do is to put on a brave face, assure him that you’re okay and that you’re rooting for him.
Don’t be too demanding
He only books out once a week so treasure that time together instead of raising your expectations. If it’s within your means, YOU should be the one treating him rather than vice versa. Don’t ask him to buy you stuff just because he earns now. He’s just a recruit—trust me, they aren’t paid that much. So be a little more understanding and fund your own shit.
Every second with him is PRECIOUS
It’s real tough at first. When my boyfriend entered BMT, I had my first taste of NS GF loneliness. I resorted to vlogging about my day with the intention of sending it to him. But I’ve never told or shown him because 1) SHY OMG and 2) it gets better. One thing you’ll learn is independence. Spend more time with girlfriends who’ve drifted, work on yourself, do the things you love, and time will fly past. It makes you cherish the weekends and every second of having your boyfriend around a lot more.
It’s always hard at the start because they get about 5 minutes of admin time to talk to you, even after you’ve waited from 9.30pm to 10.25pm. But as BMT progresses, their phone time increases and you’ll get more used to independence. Try to do something useful instead of sitting around and thinking about him, because before you know, it’s the weekend.
If he doesn’t book out during the weekend and your plans get cancelled, suck it up and spam him with messages so that you’ll still feel close to him. Also, it’s always good to have a backup weekend plan with your girlfriends. Advice to the guy: you can’t stop her whining and neither can you stop yourself from whining about your sergeants. So sayang her every time you get the chance and she’ll feel a lot better by just hearing “I’ll make it up to you”.
Be understanding about how he divides his time
Understand each other’s needs and compromise; guys in army undergo really tough training and they only have 30 minutes of admin time for themselves at the end of the day. So understand that sometimes he’ll be too tired to text or call you. Give them space; let them surf Instagram or something. But your man has to meet you halfway and make efforts to reply and understand that we also need some sense of security.
Don’t expect them to comfort you right after they book out. They only have 2 days to give their parents, bros and girlfriends. Plus, they need time for themselves. Compromise and communication are key during this stage of the relationship. If you don’t have trust, why are you together? The ups and downs will make your relationship stronger.
Grow together, not apart
When you’ve almost every day to yourself, you definitely get much more “me” time. And you’ll also undergo new experiences he may not necessarily relate to. The most important thing is to make an effort to understand each other so you can grow together, not apart.
Don’t be so paranoid
You need to place trust in him despite all the space and distance. When your boyfriend wants to go clubbing with his bros, let them go and have fun! They will not flirt around with other girls; many army guys do think about their girlfriends—they’re their main source of motivation to book out. Of course, a considerate boyfriend would reply texts to their concerned girlfriends even on their guys’ night out.
I think it’s important to remember that as an army girlfriend, you’re on the receiving end of a lot of good things. You don’t even have to worry that he’s out hanging with chicks you don’t like because he ain’t got no time fo that. LOL. He will cater his entire weekend to you and his family, and he’s earning money that he has no one to spend on except you.
It’s All About Trust
Sense a common theme here? Once you trust that you guys can make it through, the rest comes easy. Treat NS as a good test to see if your relationship can survive the ups and downs, and remember that those few years can’t beat the decades you might spend with him long after he screams “ORD loh!”.
Cover image: Source