Never Had A Boyfriend

The stigma that a woman needs a man to validate her self-worth must be abolished. A woman should choose the right man when he adds value to her life, and until that happens, you can probably relate to the following.

1. Commitment is scary

We’ve always lived life on our own terms, never having to think twice about how a significant other would feel about our actions. Making lifestyle adjustments and compromises seem doable, but then we hear horror stories of how relationships turn sour because of controlling partners. The idea of having to revolve around another human being and their needs can be a little daunting.

2. Third wheeling is second nature

There’s no prison break, even when we’re alone we feel like a third wheel. It’s so polite how every event we’re invited to offers the option of bringing a +1. Thanks, but I don’t think I could bring my dog, could I?

All our friends fall in and out of relationships while our one true love is food. We are therapists for the heartbroken, unpaid photographers during vacations and the light bulb in the cinema theatre. Let’s not even start on Valentine’s Day.

3. People assume we don’t get it

Just because we’ve never had a real relationship doesn’t mean we’re naïve and completely inept in the dating game. Or that we have yet to be enlightened by the joy of being touched by cupid.

All our lives, we’ve dealt with the condescending “aiya you won’t get what I mean”. Yes, of course, I’m just a robot impenetrable to emotion, unable to make human connections.

4. Our willpower is remarkably impressive

We’ve made it this far on our own, so we would never settle and jump into a relationship, or even date someone for mere company. We know our worth and would never get strung along by someone who doesn’t appreciate us, or our time.

Likewise, we would never string someone else along to feel less alone when we don’t see any real prospects with them. Someone who values you would never make you feel inadequate, to begin with anyway.

5. Our bed never feels lacking

Since no one has claimed the other side of the bed, we’ve never felt like it was empty. And we always have the blankets to ourselves so we’ve literally never felt like someone could make the bed feel warmer. There is no loneliness that comes with the bareness of our beloved throne; only undiscovered opportunity.

Maybe I could build a fort for my soft toys in the extra space. Or use it as the spot to have pillow fights in with my imaginary friends. Endless opportunity, I say.

Also read:

I Went On A 28-Day Dating App Cleanse And Realised SG Millennials Date Because We’re Bored

6. We’re hopeless romantics

Our belief in true love and fate is worryingly idealistic. We build our perfect man from every Korean drama episode. Will there ever be a Doctor Kang out there for me? All these lead characters really spoil market. But since we’ve never had a partner who could burst our bubble, we’ll make do with a colourful imagination.

At least, it’s our source of comfort when things just don’t work out with people we thought could’ve been something more.

7. We don’t report to anyone

Can I hang out with my close guy friends as often as before? Do I have to text him when I’m having lunch, or only when I end work? We’re not used to always contemplating the consequences of how our actions could affect one person or relationship.

All our other relationships don’t require this amount of effort.

The only person who would get upset at me for staying out too late or going to Zouk too often is my mother. And at least I know I can handle a worried mother. Jealous boyfriend, not so much.

8. Friends always play matchmaker

People don’t understand how perfectly fine we are being single and always assume we’re looking. They probe us for updates on our “situation” and try to intervene by constantly introducing us to people. Or by selling us Tinder success stories.

I’m sorry I didn’t hit it off and strike the love lottery with your equivalently single friend, but I guess he’s just not the love of my life, alright?

9. We are our own pillar of strength

Contrary to popular belief, we’ve developed a strong emotional tolerance for heartache. We’ve never had a partner to always be there for us. And we can’t always depend on friends to help us feel better about ourselves.

Sometimes, people rely on their significant others as a constant pillar of emotional support to fall back on. However, we’ve always depended on ourselves to get through our pain.

10. We are already whole

Girls who have always been single know how to take care of themselves since the lives they lead have always been self-driven. Meeting someone who could add value to our world would be cool, but we’ll never feel like we need a better half to complete what is already whole.

When life strikes us with adversity, we know how to deal with it because we’ve never had anyone to fall back on but ourselves for our happiness.

Never had a boyfriend before, no cry

So ladies, if someone hasn’t recognised you and can’t see all that you can offer, they’re missing out. This is not the part I say hang in there, your knight is coming for you. But rather, focus on being an independent and strong girl boss who needs no man.

This article was first published on 1 November 2016 and last updated on 26 February 2024.

Also read:

Are Singaporean Girls Tough To Date? Local Men Discuss.