Dealing With Breakup
Recently, I wrote about how to know when to initiate a breakup with someone you still love. I didn’t believe in good breakups until having ended this relationship on a calm, positive note.
And it’s from this emotionally stable place, I learnt what coping with a breakup in a healthy, adult manner looked like. If you’re in the same boat and dealing with the post-breakup fallout, maybe this list will be of use to you.
Step 1: Acknowledge your feelings
I think the most important thing is to allow yourself to feel sad, even if you were the one who initiated the breakup. You have just lost someone you love, so acknowledge your pain.
Grief is a required step of the recovery and healing process, and suppressing your feelings can make it harder to process your emotions. There’s no reward for being unaffected by a breakup, so f**k your ego telling you that you need to be strong.
Once the tears have dried (somewhat), begin picking yourself up.
Step 2: Here’s what not to do
1. Slander your ex or blame them for the failed relationship
If you love someone, you will not talk shit about them and air your dirty laundry on social media. Even if they wronged you, do the classy thing and be gracious.
2. Try to win them back
Motivational speaker and author Steve Maraboli wrote, “I will not try to convince you to love me, to respect me, to commit to me. I deserve better than that; I AM BETTER THAN THAT… Goodbye.”
And that’s the exact same attitude you need to have.
3. Stalk them on social media
Personally, I would block or mute my exes on social media. Not having reminders of them prevents me from caving in and texting them, and this sets healthy boundaries for myself.
4. Give them a hard time for moving on
This could be mild things like texting them out of the blue with a “Hey I heard you’re seeing someone and I think she’s great for you” or a sending them a late night booty call.
People don’t own people, and you already had your chance with your ex. So don’t make them feel guilty about wanting to heal and move on.
5. Indulge in self-destructive behaviour
Don’t drink, cut, and/or do drugs just to numb yourself. These unhealthy coping mechanisms will mess you up even more.
6. Become a hoe just to prove a point
There’s a difference between dating around to have a good time and sleeping with guys to fill a hole in your heart. Treat yourself with more respect and love.
Step 3: How to get over a breakup
1. See a qualified therapist
It’s neither shameful nor embarrassing to admit that you need help. Therapy is great because a third party can help you work through your emotions by providing alternative perspectives.
2. Try new experiences
Sometimes you need a little alone time to reconnect with yourself.
Here are some things you can do:
3. Leave the city
Putting yourself in a new environment can allow you to see the breakup in a different light. Plus exploring the world is always exciting. However, know using travel as a means of escape won’t magically solve your problems. You still need to be introspective and process your feelings.
But if you have some moolah in your bank account, here are some gorgeous, pink-themed holiday destinations you can check out.
4. Reach out to friends and family
Post-breakup, it’s important to have a strong support system. Having a listening ear, going out, and enjoying yourself will cheer you up and remind you that you’re still very loved.
5. Take care of yourself physically
There’s a good reason why girls often cut or dye their hair after something negative has happened. There’s nothing more powerful than to begin a fresh start with the literal cutting off of the old.
So exercise, take long baths, put on makeup, and look nice! That physical glow up will make you feel and look more put together.
6. Going out on dates if you’re ready
Talk to someone cute, flirt a little, let someone take you out, treat them nice, and have a good time. If you’ve been treated like trash by your ex, having someone spoil you will be a welcome change.
Coping With A Breakup
Breakups are traumatic. Just because they happen all the time doesn’t make them less painful when they happen. But time does heal all wounds, and this pain will pass too.
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