In multicultural Singapore, interethnic and interfaith relationships ought to be the norm but are still met with some backlash, especially among its more conservative elderly. In a country where filial piety is highly emphasised, we all want our parents to accept who we love, but what happens when they don’t? 

Meet Sakinah, a 27-year-old personal trainer currently in an interracial and interreligious relationship. She is Indian and was raised in a Muslim household, while her partner is Chinese and agnostic. Sakinah comes from a conservative Muslim family, where interreligious dating is frowned upon, especially by her staunch Muslim mother, who stopped talking to her because of her current relationship.

In her Lemon8 post, Sakinah discusses how she handles her relationship and the challenges it has created in her home life. While she’s a firm advocate for living on one’s own terms, navigating her interreligious relationship and its dynamics has also taught her the value of patience and perseverance. 

For anyone currently in a relationship with similar struggles, Sakinah hopes her story assures you that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

How they met

Sakinah met her partner, Allan, 31, on an online dating app. They’ve been dating for 2 years now. When ZULA asked her why she fell for him, Sakinah shared that Allan pushes her out of her comfort zone and challenges her beliefs, which she believes is essential for growth. 

Initially, Sakinah did have some reservations about dating her partner, especially because they came from different backgrounds.  Still, communication helped them overcome these differences: “Having an open conversation with him, especially at the start [of our relationship] really allowed me to understand his perspectives as well”.

When Sakinah first told her mother about her relationship, the elder reacted with disappointment. Since Allan was not of the same faith, Sakinah was going against her mother’s wishes for her daughter to marry a Muslim man.

This disappointment was something Sakinah expected, but she still chose to be honest about her relationship instead of hiding it from her family. Motivated by the value of living authentically, Sakinah emphasised, “I cannot control what she thinks, but I can control what I share with her.”. 

“I cannot control what she thinks, but I can control what I share with her.” 

How her mother reacted

To show her disapproval, Sakinah’s mom would ice her daughter out for weeks, treating her as if she were invisible, even going as far as to ignore her in real life. In her mother’s eyes, she felt that if Sakinah wasn’t going to listen to her, she wouldn’t talk to her daughter either. 

Her mom’s strong desire for her daughter to marry a Muslim man isn’t completely misplaced, even if her reactions might appear extreme to some. Although there are many different interpretations of interfaith marriage in the Quran, Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura (MUIS) has a clear interpretation of what’s allowed for Muslims.  

In Singapore, MUIS permits both Muslim men and women to strictly marry Muslims. If one of the two partners is a Muslim convert, there have to be documents to prove that the religious conversion is valid. If either party doesn’t fulfil this, their marriage will be nullified and considered invalid. 

Because of these religious stipulations, Sakinah’s mother had to balance the inner conflict of wanting to support and love her daughter, as well as being worried that she would stray too far from the Muslim faith. 

“I don’t think I would want him to convert unless he is fully convinced of the faith because he is also an autonomous individual.” 

However, Sakinah left the faith a long time ago, and no longer considers herself a Muslim. Even if she were still Muslim, making Allan convert to the faith is not something she would enforce, believing that no one has the right to impose their religion on others. 

“I don’t think I would want him to convert unless he is fully convinced of the faith because he is also an autonomous individual,” she mentions. 

How she coped when her mother stopped talking to her

Sakinah admitted that it was difficult and frustrating when her mom first stopped talking to her. To try to make some sense of the situation, Sakinah talked to her dad and he advised her to keep trying to get her mom to come around. 

To get her mother to talk to her again, Sakinah would try to initiate regular conversations on topics unrelated to religion, as well as ask her mother about her day. Sakinah would also often buy her mom gifts to show her sincerity.

Fortunately, the situation has gotten much better. Today, they are back on talking terms, although there are times when Sakinah’s mother will steer the conversation towards religion, which Sakinah tries her best to divert from. 

Her father’s presence also helps mend the relationship during charged times, since he tries his best to talk to her mom about letting Sakinah live her life on her own terms. Sakinah’s father is also a Muslim convert, choosing the faith because of his marriage. Originally Hindu, Sakinah’s father understands firsthand the importance of not letting questions of faith shake a family’s bond.

What she’s learnt from being in an interreligious relationship

Despite all of the struggles she’s encountered throughout the journey, Sakinah doesn’t regret the experience one bit. Going through this journey has made her become a more empathetic and patient person in general. It also allowed her to rediscover herself as a person. 

She’s also had the opportunity to make new friends who share the same sentiments about relationships and religion. With them, she’s had conversations that made her more open-minded. 

For those going through the struggles of interreligious dating, Sakinah has 3 pieces of advice. 

Firstly, it’s to boldly follow your gut and date someone without letting external pressures shape your decisions. Whether end the relationship or end up married, it’s a win-win situation. You are either in a successful relationship or you get to experience life lessons worth learning.

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Secondly, it’s to have patience. While it’s unfortunate and frustrating that your parents are not happy with your relationship, Sakinah says that you can’t expect your parents to fully understand your choices. As a solution, she advises you to learn to live peacefully with your parents and try to remember that they generally have good intentions.

Source, Source 

Lastly, she encourages you to find a supportive community. According to Sakinah, your life ultimately revolves around your choices, which include the people you surround yourself with.

Sakinah’s philosophy in life is asking herself: “If my parents were gone today, would I be okay living the life I am living?”. If she’s able to answer “yes”, then she knows she’s on the right path.

“If my parents were gone today, would I be okay living the life I am living?”

In the long run, Sakinah believes you must lead your own life and take responsibility for your decisions, regardless of how others judge you. Despite the parental pressures you may face, Sakinah emphasises that most parents truly want you to be happy and succeed in life. 

The ups and downs of an interreligious relationship in Singapore

If you can relate to Sakinah’s situation, we hope her insights have inspired you to live your life unapologetically and set boundaries for the decisions you’ve made. 

Also read: 

30 Important Questions To Ask Your S/O Before You Get Married

All images courtesy of Sakinah. 

The post My Mother Stopped Speaking To Me For Dating Outside My Faith—Here’s How I Learned To Set Boundaries appeared first on ZULA.sg.

On my 20th birthday, I promised myself that I was going to try to step out of my comfort zone more. And yet, one of my biggest fears is doing things alone. Couple that with being an introvert, and it’s safe to say that stepping out of my comfort zone and into a dating party is not my idea of a great time. However, when the opportunity came up to attend Until 11.11, the viral numerology dating party in Singapore, I decided to follow through with my promise and seize the opportunity. 

The Until 11.11 dating parties were going viral on TikTok and Instagram because of how it includes numerology in the matchmaking process, and for being so exclusive that previously only a few people could get in. This time, the event was open to the public, which made access easier.

Dating parties have been on the rise in Singapore this year as many Gen Z and millennials are seeking more in-person avenues to meet their next partner, rather than swiping on a screen. Most of the dating parties we see today use AI or personality quizzes to match up their attendees, but Until 11.11 sets itself apart by returning to the ancient art of numerology to help you find your match. 

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I spoke to the founder, Ching, 22, who told me that she started these parties because she wanted to create opportunities for people who had the potential to maintain long-term relationships to find one another. 

Her interest in numerology started when her polytechnic lecturer, who also happened to be a retired numerology master, taught her how to calculate numerology for people. Once she learned the skill,she explained that numerology helped her leave a less-than-ideal relationship, and to better understand her romantic priorities. She wanted to offer numerology as a tool to help other people, so she started Until 11.11.  

What happened during the party

The party was held at an event space in Ang Mo Kio. Once I registered by getting my name tag and giving them my birthday and astrology sign, I was free to get a drink and mingle until the party formally started. 

Ching and I talked for a bit about ourselves and what to expect during the parties—some icebreakers, opportunities to mingle around and get your numerology read. 

Ching was a very amiable host. She could tell that I was more introverted, so she helped introduce me to some of the other attendees, who happened to be returning attendees. When I asked some of them why they wanted to return, they said they simply thought the event was fun. This made me less anxious. Instead, I looked forward to the activities in store for us. 

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A post shared by Until 11:11 | numerology social mixer (@until.1111)

The queue to get your numerology read was also open, so I decided to snag a queue number before more people arrived. Contrary to my impression of the dating party, getting your numerology read was an optional activity rather than something used to matchmake participants. Still, I was game to see what insights numerology could offer about my love life. 

Numerology is the study of numbers done with the belief that they have special importance in people’s lives. At Until 11.11, your reading is calculated using your Chinese birthday. During your 5-minute reading, the expert will tell you what your dating prospects are like. With this knowledge, you can decide for yourself whether you will meet your person at a party like this. 

I’m not fully Chinese, nor do I understand the language, so this was slightly confusing for me because I did not know how to read the Chinese calendar. Nevertheless, the expert helped me discern the right date. Personally, using my Chinese birthday didn’t affect the clarity of the reading and my learnings.

An hour into the party, more people started to arrive and things got livelier. The event organisers gave a quick introduction about the party and the activities they had lined up for us, starting with some icebreakers. 

For the first icebreaker, we were given a list of horoscope signs and were tasked to find strangers whose horoscope signs matched the ones on the list. This reminded me of CCA general meetings where we would play human bingo to try to get to know as many people as possible. Next, we played “This or That”, where the organisers asked questions such as “Indoors or Outdoors” before levelling up to deeper questions such as “Would you be okay if your partner earned less than you?”.

After playing the games, we were separated into groups based on our horoscope’s element signs—air, water, earth or fire to play more icebreakers.

Once we completed those icebreakers, we gathered into smaller groups for the next activity. We were given a stack of cards with a relationship question on one side, and a political one on the other. We answered 3 rounds of questions before the organisers just shuffled us around. 

Though most people seemed to be into the icebreakers, the majority of the attendees still preferred to mingle around on their own. For me, the icebreakers were reminiscent of orientation camp, which weirdly was nice to experience—a throwback, of sorts.  

After this activity, we were free to do anything we wanted. Some people engaged in deeper conversations, some got their readings done, and some got more drinks. There was also a futsal table in the event space so I played a few very intense rounds of futsal with other attendees, and I surprisingly won a few rounds!   

At 11:10, they started to make us gather so that we could collectively make a wish at 11:11. In numerology, 11:11 is seen as a significant time for an event to occur, most commonly known as an “angel number”. 

Angel numbers are repetitive number sequences believed to be messages from the spiritual realm to confirm that you’re on the right path or to shed some light on a difficult situation. Whether you believe in this or not, you have to admit that it’s pretty satisfying to see a pattern of repetitive numbers. 

Though I don’t subscribe to angel numbers, it was pretty magical for everyone to collectively make a wish at 11:11. 

What I learnt about numerology and astrology 

Before attending the party, I confess that I was a complete sceptic about numerology. Though I’m still not completely sold, I learnt a lot during the experience. 

Also Read: 

Looking For Love On Dating Apps Taught Me More About Self-Love Instead

For example, I realised that numerology was derived from the concept of astrology and that Ching considered it to be a science. While there are a lot of arguments about whether astrology and numerology are legitimate sciences, I have to admit that the reading that I got at the party made sense when considering the trajectory of my life so far. 

The numerology master, Rick, has 15 years of experience so it’s safe to say that he knows what he’s doing. During my reading, he told me that I was very emotional and needed to slow down so I don’t push myself too hard, which I completely agreed with as someone who loves being busy. My dating prospects, however, were a punch to the gut.  He told me that it would be quite difficult for me to find The One because I wasn’t very lucky in life and that my romantic prospects might not always have the best intentions. 

It wasn’t all bad though, because he mentioned that I’m a very creative person and I’m definitely in the correct industry, which made me happy to hear. Overall, the reading was quite fascinating for me as I learnt a lot about myself and my life, even if I’m choosing to take some of the information with a pinch of salt. 

What to expect at an Until 11.11 dating party

If you’re looking to attend a similar event in the future, here are some things to consider. Firstly, manage your expectations. The chances of you meeting the love of your life at these parties are pretty low. While it is a great way to meet people organically, you are more likely to find friends rather than a significant other. 

Secondly, if you’re afraid of going to an event like this alone, don’t be. You’ll be able to make some new friends and meet people who are willing to “adopt” you for the night so that you have a group to hang out with. The attendees are extremely friendly and outgoing, especially once the icebreakers start.

Lastly, if you don’t believe in astrology and numerology, the event could still be fun for you. Getting your numerology read is an optional activity so if that’s not something you’re into, you can just use it as a fun opportunity to meet new people and have meaningful conversations with them. 

What I experienced at the viral numerology dating party in Singapore

If I only had one piece of advice for people on the fence about attending the Until 11.11 numerology dating party in Singapore, I would say to just go for it. It’s a fun way to meet new people you’d otherwise not cross paths with, akin to orientation camps. Plus, you get a numerology reading as part of the package, so who knows? Maybe you could learn something new about yourself. 

Cover Image: Canva 

Also read:

I Went To A Dating Party For Gen Zs, And Here’s Why I Won’t Be Going Again

The post I Went To The TikTok Viral Numerology Dating Party—Was The Experience Legit? appeared first on ZULA.sg.

We know how important safe sex is IRL, but with the rise of revenge porn, deepfakes, and other forms of technologically facilitated sexual violence (TFSV) in Singapore, the online space is rife with risks to one’s physical and well-being that parallel a sexually transmitted disease (STD) or unwanted pregnancy. 

Sure, some laws penalise TFSV and tech-driven measures to safeguard against it—AI filters for unsolicited dick pics on dating apps and screenshot notifications when chatting on Telegram’s Secret Chat are just some that come to mind. Until CAMDOM, however, there’s never been a foolproof solution.

CAMDOM touts itself as the world’s first digital condom. Designed by German condom brand BILLY BOY and the creative agency Innocean Berlin, CAMDOM blocks “anyone from taking pictures, filming, or recording audio without your consent”. Designed to protect your digital intimacy, the platform claims that it is as easy to use as a real condom.

Also read:

After Being Filmed Without Her Consent, Yiu Xin Yin Wants Singapore To Do Better For Victims Of Sexual Assault

How does CAMDOM work?

CAMDOM is an app that’s currently available on Google Play, and is coming soon to the App Store. Before having sex, both parties can download the app, and place their smartphones next to each other. The app’s screen will prompt you both to swipe and sync your devices.

Once connected, the app does the work for you. It can recognise, sync, and shut down the device’s camera and mic, giving you the peace of mind that any private sexual encounter stays private.

Having sex with more than 1 person? Camdom doesn’t shame. It can operate on multiple devices simultaneously. 

If any party tries to shut Camdom off without consent, a visual and sound alarm activates, alerting everyone.

Once you’re done, all parties can hold the unblock button to end the sync between all devices.

CAMDOM keeps you protected both online and offline

CAMDOM’s ingenuity is welcome in today’s tech-mediated dating landscape, especially when hookups are more common than ever. There’s no shame in finding your pleasure however and whenever you want, but safety first!

Website

Also read:

Where To Buy The Morning-After Pill In Singapore With No Judgement

All images courtesy of CAMDOM.

The post Introducing Camdom, The World’s First Digital Condom appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Accidents happen. Sometimes the condom breaks or slips off during sex, or you forget to use one in the heat of the moment. Many women also struggle with remembering to take regular birth control, so you’re not alone in that regard. Instead of waiting weeks to see if your period arrives after a mishap, emergency contraceptives, also known as Plan B or the morning-after pill, may be your best option to help prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

However, we know that heading to your nearest GP can feel intimidating, and there is always the risk of running into your kaypoh neighbours who might ask more than you’d like about your visit to the doctor. To save you from any awkward encounters, here’s a list of places to get the morning-after pill discreetly.

How does the morning-after pill work? 

The morning-after pill, or Plan B, is an emergency contraceptive that you can take to prevent any unwanted pregnancies after unprotected sex. 

If you’re wondering, no, the pill does not cause abortion. Instead, it’s made of the hormone progestin, typically found in birth control pills, that prevents ovulation from occurring. The hormone also thins the uterine lining to prevent any fertilised eggs from attaching to the uterus. 

The morning-after pill is essentially a high dose of regular birth control pills so taking it does have its side effects. Some women reported nausea, tender breasts, irregular bleeding, dizziness, and headaches after taking the pill. 

How can I get the morning-after pill in Singapore?

The most commonly offered morning-after pills in Singapore are Ella and Postinor-2. Ella is effective up to 5 days after unprotected sex, while Postinor-2 is effective up to 72 hours after. 

Unlike in countries like India and the UK, these morning-after pills aren’t available over the counter at drugstores or supermarkets in Singapore. Instead, you can only get them with a doctor’s prescription. 

The good news is that, nowadays, you don’t have to leave your home to get a consultation. With teleconsultation platforms, you can easily get a prescription and have the morning-after pill delivered discreetly and hassle-free right to your doorstep. 

Also read:

Guide To Contraceptives In Singapore: Types, Usage & Where To Find Them

Where to get the morning-after pill

1. Ova 

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Ova specialises in female healthcare, addressing a wide range of issues from birth control to hair loss and skin care. The platform is known for its convenience—all you have to do is complete a short survey on their website before consulting with a doctor. 

Ova offers both Ella and Postinor-2 which are priced at $54 and $25, respectively, and you’ll be entitled to free delivery. The consultation slots are open daily from 9am to 8:45pm and you’ll have to pay a consultation fee of $20. If you place the order for your pills before 6pm, you’ll be able to receive them at your doorstep within 4 hours the same day. 

Get more information on Ova’s website here.

2. Doctor Anywhere

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The effectiveness of the morning-after pill decreases the later it’s taken. Thankfully, if you find yourself needing a Plan B prescription in the middle of the night, Doctor Anywhere has got your back with 24-hour teleconsultations at just $16.35. 

During the consultation, their doctors will recommend the pill that best suits your situation. The pills are priced from $24 and will be delivered to you within 3 hours, regardless of the time. Plus, there is no extra charge for delivery.

Get more information on Dr Anywhere’s website here.

3. Zoey 

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Zoey is another online women’s clinic that offer support for issues that range from sleep struggles to birth control. If you need emergency contraceptives, Zoey also offers teleconsultation services to provide you with a prescription. 

Similar to Ova, you’ll need to complete a questionnaire before you consult with a doctor. This helps streamline the process, allowing you to get your prescription ASAP. Postinor-2 is priced at $25 per dose, while Ella costs $60 per dose. Do note that these prices do not include the consultation fees. 

Get more information on Zoey’s website here.  

4. Speedoc

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Speedoc offers both regular teleconsultations as well as house visits by doctors and nurses. If you require emergency contraception, you’ll be able to book an appointment for either service on their app. 

The morning-after pill is priced from $40.37. Speedoc’s teleconsultation services range from $21.80 to $43.60, depending on the day and time of your appointment, and are available from 8am to 12am daily. Once your consultation is complete, your pills will be delivered in discreet packaging within 3 hours.  

Get more information on Speedoc’s website here.

5. Ease Healthcare 

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Ease Healthcare is a trusted provider dedicated to making access to sensitive women’s health services convenient, affordable, and discreet. The cost for both the teleconsultation and the prescription starts at $49. Like the other providers on this list, Ease Healthcare ensures you’ll receive your emergency contraceptive within 1 to 4 hours of your consultation.

Ease Healthcare also offers a range of contraception options, allowing you to explore different preferences and find the best solution for your future needs.

Get more information on Ease Healthcare’s website here. 

Get emergency contraceptives discreetly in Singapore

Finding a discreet and convenient way to get emergency contraceptives doesn’t have to be stressful. With these teleconsultation services, you’ll be able to get your morning-after pills in no time, without worrying about judgment or awkward encounters at the clinic.

Girlies, do remember that emergency contraceptives are not meant for regular use, so it’s worth exploring other forms of birth control to avoid pregnancy scares in the future.

Also read:

How To Have Safe Sex in Singapore Because Chick Flicks Say You’ll Get Pregnant And Die

Cover image: Source 

The post Where To Buy The Morning-After Pill In Singapore With No Judgement appeared first on ZULA.sg.

In a relationship, it’s easy to devote most of your life to your partner. You start to spend more time with each other, and your lives begin to mesh together. However, it’s crucial to remember that even if you love them and can see a future with them, setting boundaries in the relationship is extremely important. 

A recent post by  @jingyii on Lemon8 gained a fair amount of traction for highlighting the telltale signs that one’s relationship has unhealthy boundaries. In the post, she shares that healthy boundaries are crucial in a relationship to ensure trust and emotional respect. However, it’s also important to identify the red flags present in your relationship’s dynamics. Here are 7 signs that indicate that your relationship has unhealthy boundaries.

1. Lack of personal space 

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Once we find “the one”, it’s understandable to want to spend time with them constantly. However, Jingyi emphasises that spending time with your friends and having personal days is still healthy so your identity doesn’t get completely tied up with being in a relationship.

Jingyi warns that disregarding the need for personal space may lead to feelings of suffocation in the relationship. 

2. Sexual coercion 

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Has your partner ever forced you into doing something that you aren’t comfortable with sexually? If they have, it’s a sign of unhealthy boundaries. 

If they disregard your sexual boundaries, it’s a sign that they do not respect your personal needs and wants. At the end of the day, you should remember that consent is the most important thing to respect while in a relationship.

3. Highly dependent on each other

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Similar to the point about a lack of personal space, being highly dependent on your partner can do more harm than good. Yes, it’s nice to have a companion to do even the most mundane things but if you do everything together, you may lose your sense of independence. 

Jingyi also mentions that if you and your partner are overly dependent on each other, it may result in one party feeling inadequate without the other’s reassurance, and feeling burdened in the relationship. 

Also read: 

16 Singaporean Girls Reveal Their Greatest Fears in Relationships

4. Emotional abuse

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Even though it’s not physical, abuse is still abuse. Emotional abuse can sometimes be more difficult to acknowledge than its physical equivalent because it’s not as obvious. This could be done through insults or humiliation, or even through gaslighting, where your partner manipulates you to change your perception of things. 

Jingyi shares that emotional abuse can result in being undermined or guilt-shamed by your partner, which is definitely a sign that boundaries have been crossed. 

5. Control and manipulation 

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Jingyi mentions that control and manipulation can come in many forms, such as controlling what you wear, who you can see, and what you can do. While these are just a few examples, there are a lot of other forms of subtle manipulation. 

If you’ve experienced this, it could lead to a loss of self-esteem and confidence. 

6. Inability to say no 

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Do you find yourself saying yes to every single one of your partner’s requests? If you’re guilty of this, it’s another sign of unhealthy boundaries. You shouldn’t be afraid to say no, even if it may cause your partner some discomfort or harm. 

If you do keep saying yes, Jingyi warns that you may feel some resentment towards your partner for your lack of autonomy, as well as being emotionally overwhelmed. 

7. Financial control 

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When planning your future together, it can be essential to track your finances to make sure you don’t indulge in impulse buys and overspend on unnecessary things. However, there is a fine line between doing that and obsessively tracking each other’s finances, which can signify a lack of boundaries. 

Jingyi mentions that when one party is put in control of all the finances, it can lead to an imbalance in power, which ultimately leads to financial insecurity for the other party.

How can you tell you have unhealthy relationship boundaries

Jingyi showed us some tell-tale signs of unhealthy boundaries in a relationship. If any of these signs sound familiar, speak to your partner about reinforcing your boundaries, or step away from the relationship if it’s no longer a space that can be safe for you.

Also read: 

How We Planned A $600 Budget Solemnisation To Save Money After Buying A Flat

Cover Image: Source, Source

The post 7 Signs Your Relationship Has Unhealthy Boundaries appeared first on ZULA.sg.

No one can ever escape the “Not dating anyone yet ah?” questions that our kaypoh aunties and uncles bombard us with during family gatherings. However, many people, myself included, are choosing to be single in today’s dating landscape. Rather than following the traditional path of settling down with a partner, a growing number of Singaporeans are prioritising our freedom and independence above all else.

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As someone who is content with being single, I don’t feel the need to bring a partner into my life if it means changing something that is already going well. Plus, dating nowadays is just too complicated. Many people are too preoccupied with aimlessly swiping through dating apps, and connections feel more superficial and sexual, than genuine. 

Below, I spoke to 7 like-minded Singaporeans who have also chosen to stay single amidst today’s chaotic dating landscape. They’ve shared the reasons behind their decision, and have also included some pro tips for navigating the modern dating scene.

If you’re undergoing dating app fatigue, or want to find empowerment in singledom, let these Singaporeans offer some insight.

“The dating world is messed up, very few people want commitment” 

Image courtesy of Jovan

“I’ve been ghosted multiple times, which is unclassy. Sure, things may not always work out, but I believe in the old-fashioned approach of ending things amicably. 

However, we live in an era of dating apps where people have too many choices, and this abundance has become a hindrance when it comes to finding a partner. People flirt and ghost, citing commitment issues as the reason they can’t commit. They don’t put in effort in real life to connect with others and then complain that they can’t find anyone that fits their values and beliefs. 

Being single means I can focus on my degree and devote my energy to ensuring that my health is in good shape. It has also allowed me to pursue my interests without having to worry about making time for a partner. 

We are all social creatures that crave intimacy, love and affection. You might ask yourself, “Will I be fated to be alone for the rest of my life?”. Nevertheless, use this time to develop yourself—be it your health, personality, or anything else—and strive to be the person you would want to date.” 

– Jovan, 23

“Having a relationship with the same gender was taboo, hence I was not desperate to seek one” 

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“When I was younger, I had crushes on girls but I was interested in boys too. As I grew older, I realised that I liked boys, but having a relationship with someone of the same gender was taboo. Hence, I didn’t bother with relationships and wasn’t desperate to seek one. 

Even within the gay community, dating apps feel pretty redundant because many use them just for flings. Most of my friends got into relationships through mutual introductions, but because the gay community is so small in Singapore, your friend’s partner might be someone you know—or perhaps someone you’ve hooked up with. So, there’s that. 

Now that Singapore is becoming slightly more open to these relationships, I do see more guys openly dating and taking relationships seriously. However, I won’t deny that cheating is very common, alongside polyamorous relationships.

Despite all that, the biggest reason why I am staying single would be because of my family. Being gay in a conservative household is a big no-no and bringing a boy home might leave me permanently homeless. I also put my mom’s happiness before mine and I know that she will not be glad if she sees me with another man. 

Growing up with many insecurities has also played a part in my decision. As much as I want to fall in love with someone, I’m afraid that they’ll eventually fall out of love with me. I also fear that I wouldn’t know how to keep a relationship going. 

Although it’s fun to have a partner in crime to do things with, having more “me” time and going out alone is pretty peaceful as well. Plus, I don’t have to share my desserts!” 

– Rafe, 27

Also read:

Growing Up LGBT In Singapore: 17 Things Queer Kids Can Relate To

“The modern dating scene is too complicated and I’m better off saving that energy for myself”

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“There are so many different terms in the modern dating scene, and it’s no longer as simple as “I like you, let’s be together” or “I don’t like you, we can’t be together”. Nowadays, there are so many grey areas, aka situationships, that make relationships more complicated. 

People want all the positive aspects of a relationship without having to deal with the negatives that come with one. I was in a situationship that I thought was going pretty well. However, I was hit with an “I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship”, just when I thought it was time for us to take the next step. 

What was all that dating for if there was no intention of actual commitment in the first place? 

After a few more talking stages, I grew tired of investing my energy in uncertainty because it has proven time and time again that no matter how great you think a certain relationship is, there’s still a chance of it failing. 

I’ve come to like being single because instead of investing time in others and worrying about whether relationships will turn out the way you want, you get to spend more time and energy on yourself. I cannot deny that I miss the intimacy of being in a relationship with someone you love, but so far, I have been feeling so at peace and content with where I’m at in life. 

– Kassy, 28 

“I am afraid of failed relationships”

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“I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because he had cheated on me multiple times. He was also manipulative and was not ready to commit to a long-term relationship. 

After the breakup, I downloaded various dating apps and explored connections with some of my guy friends. However, I went on to reject several potential partners, not because I could not move on from my previous relationship, but because I didn’t think we were compatible enough. I noticed that many of them weren’t ready for mature and committed relationships, and often preferred casual ones, which wasn’t what I was looking for.

As I’ve been cheated on previously, I continue to be cautious when it comes to meeting people. Even if they claim that they’re ready for commitment, I still have this lingering fear that they won’t be as faithful as I would be in the relationship. 

Being single initially was tough for me. I found myself missing the attention that I had when I had a partner and there wasn’t anyone to look to for comfort, especially since I was the only child. However, to steer away from disappointment and keep me sane, I decided to explore the peaceful single life.” 

– Anon, 23 

Also read:

I Went To A Dating Party For Gen Zs, And Here’s Why I Won’t Be Going Again

“Not enough money to survive, how to date?” 

Image courtesy of Charmian

“Having been in 3 previous long-distance relationships, I found them quite difficult to maintain over time. Relationships like these require a lot of trust. If I didn’t contact them first, they wouldn’t contact me. 

Money-wise, I wanted to be able to save, provide for my family, and still have money to spend on myself. If I had any extra disposable income, I could then use it on my partner. However, I often felt drained, as I barely had enough money to get by and still felt pressure to support and provide for my partner. 

Being single has been good for me. I’ve made more friends and now have more time to spend on myself. I also save a lot more since I no longer have to spend unnecessarily on someone else.

To those struggling with being single, don’t rush into a relationship. Instead, take the time to treat yourself well so that, if you find a partner in the future, they can live up to how you treat yourself.”

– Charmian, 24

“Being single is the default setting” 

Image courtesy of Isabel

“Sometimes I forget that I’m “supposed to” get attached, marry, and settle down according to the societal timeline. It was only over the last 2 years that I noticed that the vast majority of the people my age at least have a partner, and admittedly, it made me slightly more conscious of the fact that I was single. 

However, to me, being single is a default setting, as we are not all born already attached to someone. Plus, as someone who has never been in a relationship before, I don’t have any experience to compare singlehood to, so I don’t really know what I’m missing out on. 

I find it pretty difficult to plan ahead, but of course, there’s the age-old worry about what will happen when I get older. Ultimately, I hold onto the belief that what’s meant for you will always find you. However, I still secretly hope to fulfil my dream of simply living with housemates who will make every day feel like a wild sleepover!

Maybe this season is about learning to form connections, not attachments. I find myself falling a little in love with my friends and connecting with them on a deeper level. I don’t think of myself as an emotional person, but I’m not ashamed to say that when I find a good friend, I love them intensely and want to know everything about them. 

If I have the privilege of experiencing romance, I’ll welcome it with open arms, but till then, or if not, I’m satisfied building a life I love with people whom I call my chosen family.” 

– Isabel, 25 

“If I feel happier being alone than with someone else, I’d rather stay single”

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“When you’re with someone, the relationship should make you feel happier than when you’re single, no? Otherwise, what is the point of having a partner? 

I think it all boils down to whether having a partner is essential for your happiness. For me, it definitely is not. I used to be very insistent on wanting kids, so I felt the need to find a partner quickly. Ironically, as I grew older, I didn’t feel as much pressure to follow the traditional path of dating, getting married, and having kids anymore. 

I can’t lie—the pressure still gets to me sometimes, especially when I see my peers getting attached left, right, and centre. However, when I see how couples around me argue over the smallest things, I find myself reaffirming my decision to stay single.

Yes, it feels nice to be able to depend on someone when things get tough, but in my opinion, if I feel happier alone than with someone else, I’d rather stay single. Why settle for less? I’ve also come to appreciate the freedom of being single because I don’t have to account for someone else’s thoughts and feelings when making decisions that concern me.” 

– Anon, 23 

These Singaporeans share why they are choosing to stay single

In a world where dating has become increasingly complicated, more and more people are choosing to embrace the single life, free from all the drama and expectations that often come with it. It’s clear that more are shifting away from societal norms when it comes to dating, and focusing on independence and personal growth. 

While adjusting to life without a partner may take time, you may eventually come to realise that being single isn’t that bad after all. 

Also, remember you won’t have to share your desserts!

Also read:

70% Of Women In SG Are Afraid Of Meeting Men Who Are Only Looking For Casual Relationships

Cover image: Source, Source 

The post Single But Not Ready To Mingle: 7 Singaporeans Share Why They Don’t Want To Be In A Relationship appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Divorce rates are climbing year on year in Singapore, with recent studies showing that the highest rates of annulling a marriage tend to happen between the 5 to 10-year mark.

It’s not entirely surprising—no matter how progressive Singaporean society gets, people are still pressured to get a good job, then get married, buy a house, and have kids. This pressure, when coupled with the fact that you can only nab affordable housing as a married couple thanks to the BTO system, means many couples rush into marriage before they’re truly ready, driven more by practical concerns than emotional preparedness.

What does it mean to be ready for marriage, though? While everyone’s definitions may be different, both parties being on the same page about their values, views, and life goals feels like the bare minimum before you make it down the altar. Having these conversations isn’t easy, so we’ve prepared 30 important questions to ask your significant other before marriage.

On marriage, sex, and relationships

1. Why do you want to get married?
2. What does marriage mean to you?
3. What do you expect from me as a partner, and from this relationship?
4. What kind of wedding do you want?
5. How will we handle unexpected obstacles as a married couple?
6. How can we best support each other during difficult times?
7. How important is physical intimacy in our relationship?
8. What are your expectations for how often we have sex?
9. How do you feel about exploring new things in our sex life together?
10. What constitutes cheating to you?
11. How much alone time do you need?

Also read:

BTO Culture: Pressures And Pitfalls Of The Singaporean Dream

On family and having children

1. What role will your family play in our marriage?
2. Do you see yourself stepping into a caretaker role for elderly family members? What will you expect from me, in this scenario?
3. How involved do you think your extended family should be in our lives? 
4. How do you feel about having children, and how many would you like?
5. When do you see yourself having children?
6. What kind of parent do you see yourself being?
7. How will we split the chores?

On life goals and aspirations?

1. What are your long-term career goals?
2. Where do you see yourself in the next 10 years?
3. What defines success in life, to you? How do you plan to achieve that?

Also read: 

Guide To Getting A Divorce In Singapore – Evidence Needed, Lawyer Fees & Duration Of Process

On finances

1. How do you manage your finances and budget? 
2. Do you have any debt or financial obligations? Do you expect me to help with those obligations?
3. How will we merge our financial lives?
4. How will we split our household expenses? 
5. How will we approach saving and investing for the future?

On values and beliefs

1. What are your core values?
2. What are your key political beliefs?
3. How important is religion and/or spirituality to you? What role or impact will that have in our relationship?
4. What are your non-negotiables?

Questions you should ask before marriage

We hope these will spark deep conversations, and help you both feel more prepared for a lifetime of commitment!

Also read:

Divorce Lawyer Of 20 Years Shares Marriage Tips From Real-life Experiences

All images courtesy of TheSmartLocal and Unsplash.

The post 30 Important Questions To Ask Your S/O Before You Get Married appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Constant swiping. Situationships. Hookup culture. Catfishing. These are just part and parcel of modern dating today, and let’s be real: it kinda sucks. In our current app-driven dating landscape, trying to forge a genuine romantic connection is, ironically, hyper-unromantic. A recent study by Forbes, for example, reveals that 79% of Gen Zs have experienced dating app burnout thanks to the endless swiping, repetitive conversations, and upkeep that comes with putting yourself out there on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, etc.

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In response, many Gen Zs are choosing to go old-school. This past year has seen a surge of dating parties in Singapore built around IRL meet-ups, where singles get to mingle with one another in the hopes of meeting someone new, if not, The One. While these sound like the matchmaking mixers and speed dating parties your grandparents would go to, albeit remixed, the rise and growing popularity of dating parties in Singapore proves Gen Z’s appetite for in-person connection over endless, thumb-numbing swiping on dating apps.

If you’ve seen videos from companies like One Date, Never Strangers, or Meet Me In The Middle cross your social media feed with their take on the dating party format, and have been interested in finding out what the vibe is like before you sign up, here’s Lee Wei Jie*’s take. Wei Jie is a 24-year-old photographer and videographer who recently attended a Never Strangers Party, and is here to spill the deets. 

The rest of the article is written from Wei Jie’s perspective, based off an interview with ZULA.

Also read:

Looking For Love On Dating Apps Taught Me More About Self-Love Instead

Attending an AI-driven dating party in Singapore

Source

I just got out of a long-term relationship late last year, and I’m not currently looking for anything. I am on dating apps, but I never do meet-ups, and find apps quite tiring.

It’s a bit cliché, but I’ve decided to just focus on myself. While I’m not actively pursuing a relationship, I am open to the idea of meeting new people. If something romantic happens, it happens. 

“My curiosity was piqued, but I kept my expectations low.”

I was invited to the inaugural Never Strangers event by people I knew, and was intrigued by the prospect of a dating party as a way to meet someone new. Never Strangers frames itself as a novel way to meet people organically—it’s not just an event for singles to meet at a club. With Never Strangers, your experience starts with quizzes, where your answers are fed through an AI algorithm. From there, the AI matches you with an attendee you’re supposedly the most compatible with. My curiosity was piqued, but I kept my expectations low.

What happens at the Never Strangers Dating Party

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A post shared by Never Strangers (@neverstrangers.sg)

The party was held at a nightclub, and started at 8:15pm. After registration, you’re asked to complete a questionnaire that will eventually lead you to your ideal match. In the quiz, you’re asked to rank sentiments on a scale based on how much they resonate with you, like the Myers-Briggs test. Statements like “I am a workaholic”, “I am an extrovert”, and “I believe in astrology”, are just some of them.

Then, for most of the party, you’re asked to play a game of human bingo.  Participants are given a bingo card, and they have to cross off a book when they meet new people who fit certain criteria on the bingo. The objective, I think, is to have people mingle with as many others as possible so you get a feel of the other attendees.

“It ended up just being like meeting new people at an orientation camp.”

I went to Never Strangers alone and thought it was going to be very awkward. But, it ended up just being like meeting new people at an orientation camp, with the bingo as an icebreaker. 

Source

Towards the end of the night, each person has their match announced, and you’re given some time to interact with that person. You only get one match, and they’re supposed to be the most compatible person in the room for you. 

Even with this so-called perfect match and the AI algorithm, the dating party wasn’t foolproof. Physical attraction and finding common ground with the person you’re matched with still makes or breaks whether you’ll want to go on dates with the person or be their friend after the night ends.

I wasn’t super compatible with my match. Our tastes in music, pop culture, and our general lifestyles were so different. I’m not sure that many people even ended up with successful matches after the party.

Also read:

This New Dating App In Singapore Hosts Wholesome IRL Singles Parties To Meet Your New S/O

Dating parties as another avenue for hook-up culture?

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Some people say these dating parties are just another avenue for hookup culture, and I guess that can be true. I think the possibility of finding a hookup from an event like this is much higher than finding a potentially serious relationship, given the short amount of time you’re given to interact with one another. You’re also in a club, which isn’t the best environment for making romantic connections.

I do think a dating party is a great space to meet new people you wouldn’t otherwise interact with, though.  I have met some friends from that night. Friendships are hard to come by as a working adult, so if you’re just interested in meeting new people, and not so much a new romantic partner, then an event like Never Strangers might work.

Will I go to a dating party like this again? Honestly, no. The concept is very interesting, but I think it’s just a bit of a trend right now, and we will soon go back to the status quo, of swiping on dating apps, or hoping we’ll find that someone in real life, by chance. 

If people would like to try a party out, go ahead though! It is ultimately an interesting experience, even if it’s not for me.

Also read:

More Than Friends, Less Than Partners: Why Being In A Situationship For 1.5 Years Was Terrible

Lee Wei Jie is a pseudonym.

Cover Image: Source, Source

The post I Went To A Dating Party For Gen Zs, And Here’s Why I Won’t Be Going Again appeared first on ZULA.sg.

This is a submission from Denise Yap.

While I’d been on dating apps before, I’d never bothered to sustain conversations and meet up with potential matches. But with so much time to kill during the Circuit Breaker in 2020, I finally decided to put some proper effort into it; because if not now, when?

Slowly, matches started coming in. Any free pockets of time I had was spent swiping and engaging in vibrant conversations with my matches. I thought to myself, dating amidst a pandemic…what a time to be alive indeed!

Meeting after the Circuit Breaker

Post-Circuit Breaker, feeling hopeful and with my interest piqued, I wandered into the first of many planned dates. Naturally, I felt a tinge of excitement.

A few first dates passed and despite some delightful conversations, I didn’t feel any attraction on my part. Feeling slightly jaded, I started putting in less effort to dress up to the nines.

That was, until I met 2 particular matches. Casually yet smartly dressed and armed with a wicked sense of humour, they were charismatic in every sense of the word. I was drawn in instantly.

My conversations with these men ranged from light-hearted topics to serious ones, interspersed with good banter. In the blink of an eye, 4 hours had passed. But how? It only felt like 30 minutes. This is it, he is the one. Sparks. Connection. Attraction. Everything was there. I was filled with glee.

Realising that the attraction was one-sided

A one-sided conversation with me, myself and I

Alas, if only that were the case. After parting ways, I did not hear from either of them. This led to a downward spiral as all sorts of questions about where or what I did wrong invaded my head. Was I too chatty? Did I not listen enough? Did I put on too much makeup?

I appreciated his honesty, at the very least

A sense of emptiness came over me as daily conversations vanished just like that with a snap of the finger. My mind constantly replayed snippets of the dates; was the connection merely one-sided?

The relentless questioning and self doubt depleted my self-esteem to its lowest level. Although peers around me encouraged me to just move on to the next person, I found the whole process of just casually doing so felt frivolous. Besides, after repeating the process of getting to know someone for a few times, I felt tired. To go through the cycle of opening up and being vulnerable but only to be left disappointed after… it is soul-crushing, to say the least. Perhaps I need to learn how not to invest too deeply at the initial stage, but who can stop what your heart feels?

Also read:

I Went On A 28-Day Dating App Cleanse And Realised SG Millennials Date Because We’re Bored

Lessons I learnt from looking for love  

As cliche as it sounds, time is indeed the strongest aid when it comes to healing. Thanks to this episode spent looking for love, I’ve learnt a few lessons that I hope will bring some form of comfort to anyone in the same position.

1. Slow and steady

It goes without saying that you should always put your best foot forward to leave an unforgettable impression on the other party in hopes of building a genuine and lasting connection. However, this connection does not need to be rushed. Neither should you try to dictate the direction of it (i.e friendship/romantic).

Take the analogy of your best friend, for example. Did you know right from the start that you were bound to be best friends with this person? Typically, the answer is no. Rather, you would get to know him/her slowly. By spending time together, the connection builds. Before you know it, this person is your closest confidante.

I believe the same logic applies to dating as well. Connections take time to foster. Take some time to really get to know the other party without romantically tinted lenses.

2. Ride the waves

When you take the date very seriously, it is akin to hanging out with a romantic agenda. Hence, there exists a subtle pressure because you would subconsciously assess if the person ticks the right boxes and is suited to be a life partner (or whatever it is that you are looking for).

This raises expectations, which we all know beget disappointment if they are not met. It is better to shift your mindset and go with the flow. Be your best self and have fun meeting new people. Enjoy the process. Life has its way of working things out.

3. You come first

This is the most important takeaway and something I hold very close to my heart. It is imperative that you are assured in yourself so that your self-esteem will not waver if you face rejection.

Knowing that you are complete on your own is the key to not being reliant on validation from others. I believe that when you truly love yourself, it rubs off on other people and you attract what you put out. Learn to invest in yourself. You are worthy. You are beautiful. Keep telling yourself that and soon enough, you will believe it too.

I Tried Looking For Love On Dating Apps But Realised I Need To Love Myself First

I look in the mirror and realise that the strongest form of love you should give is to the one who is looking right back at you. The journey of loving myself is one that is still ongoing, but I will get there someday, slowly but surely. I walk away from this whole experience with a smile, knowing with conviction that I am always my own before I am anyone else’s.

This article was first published on 4 November 2020 and last updated on 2 July 2024. 

Also read:

HTHT: I Have Many Commitments But This Is Why Spending Quality Time With My Family Comes First

The post Looking For Love On Dating Apps Taught Me More About Self-Love Instead appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Growing up, conversations surrounding sex were considered a big taboo. Sex education in school was only focused on abstinence, rather than important topics such as protection and consent, which results in valuable information getting lost in translation.

But now, as society has started to shift away from our initial conservative nature, there is increasingly more information about sex online, dismantling the taboo. And no, learning about sex doesn’t equate to pornography, and it shouldn’t be treated as such. Well, Durex, a household name in safe sex and pleasurable moments, is here to test your sex knowledge with a fun comic series to teach users about sex. 

The best part? You can test your newfound sex knowledge afterwards by taking an online quiz, and stand a chance to win free Watsons vouchers.

The website

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Durex’s latest campaign is run by their education arm, Durex Academy. Hosted on a microsite, the campaign features four comic issues: Get S*x-Ready, Have Fun, Not Regrets, The Art of Love and Switch It On. For those who enjoy reading steamy manga or webtoons in your free time, perhaps it’s time to add these comics to your reading list too. 

Some important topics covered include investigating whether sex with a condom is less pleasurable or that it helps men last longer, why one shouldn’t be embarrassed when shopping for condoms, and the importance of talking about consent and pleasure with your partner. 

No spoilers here — we’ll let you read the comics on your own to find out more.

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While there are four different storylines in total, all of them centre around the importance of sparking conversations about sex. To quote Durex, “there’s nothing hotter than safe and pleasurable sex”. 

After reading the comics, users can also complete the Quiz of Play on the same website and test their sex knowledge. 

Free Watsons vouchers

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Not to worry — the Quiz of Play isn’t as intimidating as an exam paper. If you’ve read through all the comics before attempting, getting all the answers right will be as easy as pie. 

Each question comes with multiple-choice options, as well as a short explanation of why the answer you chose is right or wrong.

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Once you’ve finished the quiz, you’ll be awarded with a Certificate of Completion which you can brag about on your socials to deem yourself as a “sex expert”. Plus, you’ll receive exclusive Durex voucher codes to use on Watsons Online. These vouchers include 10% off a minimum spend of $35 on Durex purchases in a single transaction, valid until 31 July 2024. 

With the option to purchase condoms online, this is a perfect alternative for users who may feel uncomfortable buying condoms at a store, or those living with conservative family and friends.

Learn More About How Pleasure Comes With Protection Through Durex’s Comic Series

Who says sex education has to be boring? Through Durex’s new comic series, not only will you be able to learn more about sexual pleasure and protection through different stories, but you’ll also be rewarded with free Watsons vouchers so you can embark on your own safe sex journey. It’s a win-win situation. 

As we start opening more open and honest conversations about sex, we’ll soon be able to change conservative mindsets and normalise such topics in Singapore. Learning about sex doesn’t always have to be intimidating or awkward. Instead, having resources that preach healthy and safe sex should always be readily available for everyone. 

Learn about sex in a fun, educational and convenient way with Durex’s The Art of Play #cometogether campaign on their website, no matter where you are. 

Read Durex’s comic series and get exclusive Watsons vouchers here!

This post was brought to you by Durex.

The post You Can Now Test Your Sex Knowledge On Topics Like Protection & Intimacy To Get Free Watsons Vouchers appeared first on ZULA.sg.