Being a woman has many perks, like not having to go through NS, and being spoiled with a multitude of fashion choices. Apart from these reasons, there are also emotional aspects that only mothers get to experience. 

As part of celebrating International Women’s Day this month, we spoke to 8 women in Singapore to gather their thoughts and reasons for still wanting to be a woman in their next life—whether it is because of the pampering they get, or simply because of how women get to wear skirts.

1. “The feeling of being a mother is indescribable”

For illustrative purposes only

“Before giving birth to my daughter, I never thought that being a woman would be so fulfilling. It might sound abstract, but having your child live inside your womb for 9 months creates this special bond. It is also one reason why I would still want to be a woman if there is a next life for me. 

While it is indeed tiring to raise a child, like waking up in the middle of the night, and not getting enough sleep, I find every moment worth it. I love seeing my daughter smile and playing with toys—it just brings me so much joy. 

Looking back, my mother has always been the female figure that I look up to. She has always showered me with love, supported my life decisions, and just wanted me to be happy. Hopefully, when my daughter grows up, she will feel the same for me too.”

Advice for women of the next generation: “Never doubt your worth, and know that you are full of potential.”

– Lily, 32

2. “Women have better control of their emotions”

Image courtesy of Shu Zhen

“Although there hasn’t been a specific incident, my journey as a woman has made me realise being a woman is great. 

I noticed that women have more control over their emotions—from understanding, rationalising to managing them. This has allowed most of us to stay cool-headed no matter the circumstance, and hence, make better decisions and choices. Also, we have more fashion choices and different outfits to fit the mood. 

Since March is the month of celebration for International Women’s Day, I’d like to share that my mother is someone whom I look up to. 

I’ve always admired her strength and resilience as a woman, and she’s not afraid to speak out and strive for what she wants. From home to office, she’s always on top of her game. At the same time, she still keeps the warmth and softness of a mother. As cliche as it sounds, I would like to be like her someday.”

Advice for women of the next generation: “Don’t short sell yourself, know your worth. You’re stronger than you think you are, more capable than you believe you are. You do you.”

– Shu Zhen, 26

3. “Many perks when it comes to dating”

For illustrative purposes only

“I feel that being a woman is a lot more fun and interesting, and these days, many are a lot more courageous and comfortable with stepping up. That’s not something you’d easily see as compared to the past. 

Especially for the single ladies out there, there are many perks when it comes to dating. Most of the time, women are the ones being chased, and spoilt for choices. Although clubbing is currently not possible due to the pandemic, the club culture seems to always favour women like free drinks on ladies’ night. 

I also think women are more in touch with their feelings, which yes, might mean that we’re more sensitive. However, I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing. The more we feel, the more we’re able to reflect on ourselves.”

Advice for women of the next generation: “Women are amazing because we are the ones creating lives. Don’t be shy and let’s own it.”

– Fikah, 21

Also read:

6 Singaporeans Share Their Parent-In-Law Horror Stories That Threatened Their Relationship

4. “Being a woman is fun and I enjoy getting spoilt for choices”

Image courtesy of Sew

“The thought of ‘I would rather be a man’ has never crossed my mind for many reasons. I think it is very fun to be a woman thanks to the choices when it comes to fashion and beauty. Aside from those, I feel that generally women are being taken care of more than men in social and legal aspects.

For me, I find myself given similar opportunities as a man. In the past during my grandparents’ or my parents’ generation, men were the ones with more power and opportunities given. However, I am glad that I don’t feel that way in my generation. 

Sometimes, I feel that men are the ones who could be at a disadvantage or treated unfairly at times in our current society. For example, being wrongly accused of indecent acts. Some women actually do take advantage of those situations. 

To empower women, I feel that having more open conversations with the women within our circle is a great way to begin. This way, we can encourage each other, inspire each other, and be there for each other.”

Advice for women of the next generation: “Not just for women, but for men too—I think it is important to know that there will always be advantages and disadvantages. Whether men or women, we just have to do what we want, work and fight for it.”

– Sew, 28

5. “The hard work women go through make them strong”

For illustrative purposes only

“It is true that being a woman is difficult, like having to go through PMS and cramps, and dealing with inequalities in society. But I feel that having to go through these experiences actually makes us special and stronger than men. It is also the reason why I still want to be a woman in my next life. 

The hard work that women go through, like pregnancy and giving birth, are experiences that men will never understand. It is amazing to know what women can do, and these are just the tip of the iceberg. 

There are tons of female figures I look up to, but if I was to choose just one, it would be Princess Diana. I love how true she was to herself and the world, even when she wasn’t supposed to. Plus, I admire how she was the patron and president of multiple charities. Other examples also include her spreading the awareness of AIDS, battling poverty and homelessness.”

Advice for women of the next generation: “In this generation, everyone sees each other as competition, and everyone secretly wants to see one fail. My advice is to never compare yourself with other people because comparison is the thief of joy.”

– Wenn, 27

6. “I enjoy the clothing options available”

Image courtesy of Jou

“Being a woman has many advantages, but for me, the biggest one would be fashion choices. There are so many types of apparel for women to choose from, like skirts, dresses, and rompers. Also, female clothes are cheaper, so you have to admit that is a win. 

Unlike women, men only have a few options to play around with, and usually, they’d have to wear pants during formal occasions. If you think about the weather in Singapore, that’s definitely something difficult to deal with. 

Also, there are many small businesses and organisations run by women, so they show how more and more women are taking up roles traditionally held by men. In a way, society is gradually shifting. 

With more female leaders paving the way for a better society and placing themselves as respectable examples, I don’t see the reason to say “no” to being a woman in my next life. But rather, I feel inspired and motivated to become an inspiring one”

Advice for women of the next generation: “Believe in your potential, and don’t limit yourself based on what other people think.”

– Jou, 28

7. “I find endless inspiration in the intelligence and creativity of the women around me.”

Image courtesy of Sue Jean 

“If I could, I would choose to be a woman again in a heartbeat. The women in my life have shown me the depths of empathy, resilience and solidarity like nothing else. The outdated stereotype that we are always competing with one another or having catfights has no place in reality. We celebrate each other’s successes, stand up for one another and reject the idea that strength has to come at someone else’s expense. 

We are both soft and strong, unafraid to be vulnerable yet unbreakable in the face of adversity. I love how it’s second nature for us to care deeply for others while chasing our ambitions. We push ourselves through art, physical strength or intellectual pursuits.

I also love the community and spaces we have built—places where I feel safe, supported and free to grow. I truly enjoy embracing my femininity through dressing up, experimenting with makeup and indulging in self-care. Though gender discrimination, harassment and violence remain everyday realities, we continue to fight for change. I still feel endlessly fortunate to have experienced girlhood, and despite the struggles, I would choose it over and over again.” 

– Sue Jean, 24 

8. “The best part about being a woman is that you’re automatically part of this sisterhood.”

Image courtesy of Alvinna

“I think the only reason I’d ever wanna be a man is to be able to pee anywhere without fear, but I love being a woman! There are only things that only we women get. I feel like the best part about being a woman is that you’re automatically part of this sisterhood. 

Some of my favourite things about sisterhood include giving a pad to a girl in need without a second thought, getting ready to go out, and getting and giving compliments to one another. Also, we can experience and relate to other women through different stages of our lives, from girlhood to womanhood and even motherhood. Most women are so supportive of each other, from being able to have heart-to-heart talks anywhere and sharing our hauls or recommendations, I wouldn’t change anything, because what do men even talk about?” 

– Alvinna, 24 

Reasons why we’d choose to be a woman in our next lives

While being a woman has both pros and cons, these women show that they are proud of themselves, and love the lives that they are living. We hope that every woman out there will feel the same, and own the girl power that they have. 

Responses have been edited for brevity and clarity.
Cover: Images courtesy of Alvinna, Jou, Sue Jean 

Also read:

7 Women In Singapore Share Why They Won’t Pay For A Hotel Wedding

The post 8 Women In SG Share Why They Would Still Want To Be A Woman In Their Next Life appeared first on ZULA.sg.

In a melting pot like Singapore, why does being mixed-raced garner such big reactions? Growing up Chindian, I’ve had my fair share of people asking “What race are you?” and “Wow so exotic!” from people I encounter daily. After 21 years of the same questions, I’ve grown to get used to it, so I usually just smile and explain my ethnicity since I know they are asking purely out of curiosity.  

My racial background can be quite hard for a stranger to understand. My mother is Chinese and my father is Indian, which makes me Chindian. However, I grew up learning Malay as my mother tongue in school. My mother caught me daydreaming in my kindergarten Chinese class and immediately knew that I would be hopeless at the language, especially since I couldn’t even write my name. So, she made me learn Malay instead. When people find out that both my siblings can speak Chinese, and I’m the odd one out, it gets even more confusing for people to understand.

My parents and I when I was younger.

I can recall a few incidents from my childhood when I was out with my mother, and many strangers would go up to her and ask who I was. Whenever said I was her daughter, they would look genuinely shocked before quickly trying to change the subject. 

I could sort of understand their intentions because I think I look more Indian when compared to my siblings, but I can’t deny that it stung a bit. 

My siblings and I.

Because of this, I’ve always felt a slight disconnect from my racial identity even though I’ve been acquainted with Chinese customs since I was a child.  Additionally, my father doesn’t consider himself to be a ‘traditional’ Indian to begin with, because he can’t speak his native language and never really forced any of his family’s traditions on us. 

As a result, I never felt that I was enough to be considered a ‘real’ Chinese or Indian. The race on the back of my IC says Indian and it just confused me because I’ve never considered myself to be fully Indian. I remember even feeling jealous of my siblings who got to put Indian-Chinese on their ICs when I was never given the option to do the same. While I’m mostly at peace with this now, I admit that I still think about this from time to time. 

Since I know that I surely couldn’t be alone in feeling like this, I’ve spoken to 7 fellow mixed-raced Singaporeans who shared their experiences about what it’s like growing up in Singapore. If you can relate, hopefully, their experiences provide some solidarity and insights on how to come to terms with your own cultural identity. 

“I’ve always been told I’m not Malay enough.” 

Image courtesy of Ananisa. 

“My family rarely spoke in Malay mainly because my dad’s Malay is not the strongest. My mom usually spoke in Malay but the rest of us would answer in English. So, my command of the language has always been quite formal because all I’ve ever known is from textbook Malay lessons instead of conversational Malay. That made a lot of people see me as just a “fake Malay”, which honestly hurt at times because I’ve always loved my Malay culture.

When people ask me [what race I am], I usually tell them my whole life story. My dad is Eurasian, with mixed Portuguese and Pinoy blood, from what we know. My mom is Malay, with Sri Lankan blood too. But the short story is, I’m Eurasian. 

Growing up, I got to celebrate both Hari Raya and Christmas. Whenever I post both holidays on Instagram, people would always be confused and ask me “So which one are you?”. It honestly made me prouder to say I’m both! I think experiencing both cultures really made me who I am today. It made me appreciate other holidays too because learning about different cultures is actually so beautiful. “ 

– Ananisa, 20 

“Growing up mixed in Singapore often means feeling like you’re never fully part of either side.”

Image courtesy of Rania.

“I’m half British and half Malay or Malay-Caucasian. Growing up, especially in secondary school, I remember getting called things like “coloniser” or “whitewashed”, which I know probably wasn’t meant to be taken too hard. But at that age, I remember comments like that being enough that they made me feel a little ostracised. 

I really appreciate my ethnic background. For the most part, being mixed doesn’t feel like a constant challenge or something that defines every aspect of my life. But at times, there’s this underlying feeling that I need to prove that I belong. People sometimes make assumptions about my identity—whether it’s questioning my connection to my Malay heritage or assuming I don’t understand local cultures. It’s not always a huge issue, those moments do remind me that being mixed in Singapore still comes with certain expectations. That said, I wouldn’t change anything about my background. I love that I get to experience and embrace both sides of my heritage. 

However, I’d say that it’s okay to not have everything figured out. Identity isn’t something that needs to fit into a box, and being mixed means you have the freedom to embrace different aspects of who you are in your own way. People might try to define you or make assumptions, but at the end of the day, you are the one who gets to decide what your identity means to you. I don’t think it’s about proving that you belong—it’s about knowing that you do, as you are. Even if there are moments of doubt, you’re not alone in feeling that way. Just focus on growing into the person you want to be, beyond the labels, and trust that you’ll find a sense of belonging in your own time.”

– Rania, 21

“There’s a constant awareness that you are “other” to the mainstream.” 

Image courtesy of Beat.

“I typically tell people I’m half British, half Singaporean Chinese, though that definition doesn’t sit well with me because I was raised in an entirely Chinese household.

Even as a kid, when people saw my mom carrying me around, they would comment on my looks, saying I looked very ang moh and that mixed babies were so cute. These “ang moh” became even more pronounced when I attended a neighbourhood primary school. I have a Caucasian last name, and my first name is not the easiest to pronounce. My name was always a point of scrutiny alongside the way I looked. One of the most common questions I got was, “Do you speak Chinese?”. That, along with “What is your race?”. These questions come up almost every time I meet someone new. More so than in other countries, in Singapore, you’re often defined by your racial identity before anything else. And it’s not something that disappeared after childhood—it followed me into adulthood.

I think what I struggle with most is constantly being defined by my race. That’s something I find incredibly unique to Singapore. I don’t pass as white—I look very mixed—but overseas, people tend to read me as Chinese or Asian, so I rarely have to break down my heritage immediately upon meeting someone. Instead, I get asked annoying questions like “Where are you from?”, which is its own form of microaggression. But in Singapore, because of the CMIO model and the country’s racial framework, you’re consistently defined by race, and it gets tedious.”

– Beat, 29

Also read:

32 Years Of Discrimination In An Interracial Marriage — I’d Be Lying If I Said I Had No Regrets

“I’ve come to learn and accept that my identity comes with the way I choose to act as a person, rather than my genetic makeup.”

“Although I am mixed Malay and Chindian by blood, I would define my race mainly as Malay, as both my parents were raised with Malay culture and so was I. When I was younger, there were times when I felt confused about my racial identity. Whenever someone asked me about my race, I would be unsure what to tell them as I wasn’t sure how to define my race myself. 

My general feelings about being mixed in Singapore are rather neutral. I think mixed people are common in Singapore. From a certain perspective, I could see it being somewhat positive, as I feel like it takes a certain level of openness for the parents of mixed children to accept and learn each other’s cultures, which may also be instilled into the way they raise their children. 

Identity is a rather complex topic. You should try to understand that your identity isn’t wholly defined by your genetic makeup. Learning about the different cultures that your parents came from can help you to better understand yourself as you learn which parts of the cultures you relate more to and that you would choose to integrate into your life.”

– Anon, 26 

“Growing up mixed to me honestly doesn’t feel any different.”

“Singapore being a multi-racial country plays such a huge factor to anyone who’s growing up mixed or not, as there is always a sense of being just one race. 

I have honestly never experienced feeling different from my peers or classmates, and I do think it might be because I don’t look entirely mixed. Even then, the people that I surround myself with have never made race or religion an issue or something for me to question. 

With that, however, this nation and its society are by no means perfect. There are people out there of certain mixes that certainly have stories of being ostracised, feeling different from their group of friends, or even being looked at oddly. It truly depends on how lucky you are and who you happen to walk by or sit on a bus on a certain day. Some encounters might get you odd looks that’ll make you question yourself, while others might get you smiles instead. 

But, no matter what people say or think, always know that your identity will forever be special and unique as you get to experience and celebrate different cultures or occasions with your loved ones yearly! Do not let the bad parts of society lure you to feel anything less than special.”

– Anon, 21 

“The best of both worlds.” 

Image courtesy of Yrika.

“As a Filipino-Chinese person, I think [that being mixed-race] the best of both worlds because I can celebrate Chinese New Year, but I can also celebrate Christmas, which is what a lot of Filipinos find very important. 

As an adult, I’ve learned to embrace and love my uniqueness, and am very proud to have two sides of me and two very different family lives for the most part. Yet, I recall an incident in primary school that has stuck with me for a long time. My school had a lot of students of different races. Other than the standard races in Singapore, there were a lot of students from Nepal, the Philippines, China, Australia, and Indonesia. Overall, I was privileged enough to not have experienced anything too horrible directed at my racial identity. 

However, during Racial Harmony Day, our class had to split into different racial groups. I remember being so confused about who to sit with—my Chinese friends or my Filipino friends. I kept thinking that I needed to stick to that one label. Because of this, I’ve always felt like I was not enough of either ethnicity.

Despite holding a Filipino passport, I never felt Filipino enough. I ate Filipino food often but could barely speak Tagalog. On the other hand, I also didn’t feel Chinese enough, because I wasn’t very good at the language. I also wasn’t very close with my extended Chinese family due to the language barrier, though I have tried to communicate with them the best I could.”

– Yrika, 21 

Also read:

10 Mixed Race Couples In Singapore Share Their Struggles/Perspectives on Dating

“It’s like being part of both worlds but never feeling completely at home in either.”

Image courtesy of Emma.

“Growing up mixed in Singapore often meant navigating the fine line between different cultural expectations. It’s an experience of constantly adapting to different environments because of people’s assumptions. I’d be speaking Chinese with one group and English with another, but I never quite felt like I fully belonged to either. I wasn’t the best at Chinese, and I could barely communicate a sentence in Malay. The experience was defined by this fluidity and also by constantly being asked, “So, which race are you?” 

I remember being in school when the teacher asked us to declare our ethnic backgrounds. I didn’t really feel like I fit into the simple categories of Chinese or Malay. There wasn’t an “other” category yet, so it just made me very confused because choosing one would mean identifying with one race more. That feeling of being “in-between” stood out to me, especially because my classmates would easily identify with one ethnic group, but I had to explain that I was mixed. I could see them trying to understand, but I always felt like I was straddling two worlds, not fully at home in either.

I learned it’s okay not to have all the answers. Your identity is yours to define, and it doesn’t have to fit into a neat little box. Embrace all the parts of who you are and remember that it’s your experiences and perspectives that make you who you are, not the labels others place on you. Being mixed means you get to carry a richness of cultures, and that’s something to be proud of. At the end of the day, race isn’t all that matters. I feel like your character and personality are what define you and make you truly special. Race is secondary.”

– Emma, 19 

Singaporeans share what it is like to grow up mixed-race

As a mixed-race person, you’ll probably never escape the questions regarding your ethnicity or the comments about your looks but it’s important to remember that the only person who can determine your identity is you. 

Plus you get to celebrate double the holidays! 

Also read:

Single But Not Ready To Mingle: 7 Singaporeans Share Why They Don’t Want To Be In A Relationship

The post 7 People Share What It’s Like Growing Up Mixed-Race In Singapore appeared first on ZULA.sg.

In multicultural Singapore, interethnic and interfaith relationships ought to be the norm but are still met with some backlash, especially among its more conservative elderly. In a country where filial piety is highly emphasised, we all want our parents to accept who we love, but what happens when they don’t? 

Meet Sakinah, a 27-year-old personal trainer currently in an interracial and interreligious relationship. She is Indian and was raised in a Muslim household, while her partner is Chinese and agnostic. Sakinah comes from a conservative Muslim family, where interreligious dating is frowned upon, especially by her staunch Muslim mother, who stopped talking to her because of her current relationship.

In her Lemon8 post, Sakinah discusses how she handles her relationship and the challenges it has created in her home life. While she’s a firm advocate for living on one’s own terms, navigating her interreligious relationship and its dynamics has also taught her the value of patience and perseverance. 

For anyone currently in a relationship with similar struggles, Sakinah hopes her story assures you that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

How they met

Sakinah met her partner, Allan, 31, on an online dating app. They’ve been dating for 2 years now. When ZULA asked her why she fell for him, Sakinah shared that Allan pushes her out of her comfort zone and challenges her beliefs, which she believes is essential for growth. 

Initially, Sakinah did have some reservations about dating her partner, especially because they came from different backgrounds.  Still, communication helped them overcome these differences: “Having an open conversation with him, especially at the start [of our relationship] really allowed me to understand his perspectives as well”.

When Sakinah first told her mother about her relationship, the elder reacted with disappointment. Since Allan was not of the same faith, Sakinah was going against her mother’s wishes for her daughter to marry a Muslim man.

This disappointment was something Sakinah expected, but she still chose to be honest about her relationship instead of hiding it from her family. Motivated by the value of living authentically, Sakinah emphasised, “I cannot control what she thinks, but I can control what I share with her.”. 

“I cannot control what she thinks, but I can control what I share with her.” 

How her mother reacted

To show her disapproval, Sakinah’s mom would ice her daughter out for weeks, treating her as if she were invisible, even going as far as to ignore her in real life. In her mother’s eyes, she felt that if Sakinah wasn’t going to listen to her, she wouldn’t talk to her daughter either. 

Her mom’s strong desire for her daughter to marry a Muslim man isn’t completely misplaced, even if her reactions might appear extreme to some. Although there are many different interpretations of interfaith marriage in the Quran, Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura (MUIS) has a clear interpretation of what’s allowed for Muslims.  

In Singapore, MUIS permits both Muslim men and women to strictly marry Muslims. If one of the two partners is a Muslim convert, there have to be documents to prove that the religious conversion is valid. If either party doesn’t fulfil this, their marriage will be nullified and considered invalid. 

Because of these religious stipulations, Sakinah’s mother had to balance the inner conflict of wanting to support and love her daughter, as well as being worried that she would stray too far from the Muslim faith. 

“I don’t think I would want him to convert unless he is fully convinced of the faith because he is also an autonomous individual.” 

However, Sakinah left the faith a long time ago, and no longer considers herself a Muslim. Even if she were still Muslim, making Allan convert to the faith is not something she would enforce, believing that no one has the right to impose their religion on others. 

“I don’t think I would want him to convert unless he is fully convinced of the faith because he is also an autonomous individual,” she mentions. 

How she coped when her mother stopped talking to her

Sakinah admitted that it was difficult and frustrating when her mom first stopped talking to her. To try to make some sense of the situation, Sakinah talked to her dad and he advised her to keep trying to get her mom to come around. 

To get her mother to talk to her again, Sakinah would try to initiate regular conversations on topics unrelated to religion, as well as ask her mother about her day. Sakinah would also often buy her mom gifts to show her sincerity.

Fortunately, the situation has gotten much better. Today, they are back on talking terms, although there are times when Sakinah’s mother will steer the conversation towards religion, which Sakinah tries her best to divert from. 

Her father’s presence also helps mend the relationship during charged times, since he tries his best to talk to her mom about letting Sakinah live her life on her own terms. Sakinah’s father is also a Muslim convert, choosing the faith because of his marriage. Originally Hindu, Sakinah’s father understands firsthand the importance of not letting questions of faith shake a family’s bond.

What she’s learnt from being in an interreligious relationship

Despite all of the struggles she’s encountered throughout the journey, Sakinah doesn’t regret the experience one bit. Going through this journey has made her become a more empathetic and patient person in general. It also allowed her to rediscover herself as a person. 

She’s also had the opportunity to make new friends who share the same sentiments about relationships and religion. With them, she’s had conversations that made her more open-minded. 

For those going through the struggles of interreligious dating, Sakinah has 3 pieces of advice. 

Firstly, it’s to boldly follow your gut and date someone without letting external pressures shape your decisions. Whether end the relationship or end up married, it’s a win-win situation. You are either in a successful relationship or you get to experience life lessons worth learning.

Source 

Secondly, it’s to have patience. While it’s unfortunate and frustrating that your parents are not happy with your relationship, Sakinah says that you can’t expect your parents to fully understand your choices. As a solution, she advises you to learn to live peacefully with your parents and try to remember that they generally have good intentions.

Source, Source 

Lastly, she encourages you to find a supportive community. According to Sakinah, your life ultimately revolves around your choices, which include the people you surround yourself with.

Sakinah’s philosophy in life is asking herself: “If my parents were gone today, would I be okay living the life I am living?”. If she’s able to answer “yes”, then she knows she’s on the right path.

“If my parents were gone today, would I be okay living the life I am living?”

In the long run, Sakinah believes you must lead your own life and take responsibility for your decisions, regardless of how others judge you. Despite the parental pressures you may face, Sakinah emphasises that most parents truly want you to be happy and succeed in life. 

The ups and downs of an interreligious relationship in Singapore

If you can relate to Sakinah’s situation, we hope her insights have inspired you to live your life unapologetically and set boundaries for the decisions you’ve made. 

Also read: 

30 Important Questions To Ask Your S/O Before You Get Married

All images courtesy of Sakinah. 

The post My Mother Stopped Speaking To Me For Dating Outside My Faith—Here’s How I Learned To Set Boundaries appeared first on ZULA.sg.

There’s a formula to living the good life in Singapore. You study hard, go to university, and then get a “good-paying” job in STEM, healthcare, law, or finance. You slog through the 9-to-6 grind for a few decades, and somewhere in between, you get married, buy a home, and start a family. 

Letting passion motivate your career goals is typically frowned upon, especially if said passion draws you to the arts. Say you want to make films for a living, and you’re signing yourself up for disdain, side-eyes, and remarks like, “Huh, can make money one meh?” at every family gathering for time immemorial.

Growing up in a conservative Chinese household means Cheryl Lim is all too aware of this reality. The 26-year-old has always been passionate about acting and filmmaking but understands the struggle of building a financially viable career in these fields. Like many other budding Singaporean filmmakers, Cheryl balances her artistic endeavours with a day job in a more conventional field.

She currently works as a financial advisor at Prudential. A career in finance consultancy has turned Cheryl into a bit of a “finance geek”, despite growing up an “artsy person”. While she currently straddles polar opposite worlds now, Cheryl has big goals of financial freedom, which will allow her to pursue her filmmaking dreams and support her elderly parents. 

Recently, Cheryl put her financial acumen on full display when she won Moomoo Money Master, a new investment-focused reality game show in Singapore. After her win, we sat down to talk to Cheryl about becoming financially literate, her frugal living philosophy, and the sacrifices she is now to pursue a future in film.

What do you work as now? 

I have been at Prudential as a financial consultant for almost four months. Alongside this, I’m also dedicated to developing my passion for filmmaking and acting, which has been a creative outlet and source of personal growth for me. Looking ahead, I hope to keep growing in both finance and the arts, finding ways to inspire and make a difference in each field. 

How long have you been investing?

I started investing 2 months after I turned 22. I was fortunate to have been exposed to investment concepts and processes during my internship at Endowus, back when it was still a startup in 2020.

My investment journey has been full of ups, downs, and countless lessons. In the beginning, the learning curve was steep. During my university internship, my boss rated me as having the least investment knowledge on the team, but he assured me I’d improve over time. By the end of my internship, I was looking at investing with fresh, curious eyes—it was like discovering a whole new world.

What is the best decision you have made for your finances?

It’s not a single decision, but rather a habit built over time. One habit I’m proud of is tracking my finances closely—I can account for every cent of my expenses and income each month over the past 7 years. This practice has made me much more mindful of where, when, and how I’m spending. With multiple investments and income streams, having this system in place helps me keep a clear view of my cash flow, making it easier to optimize along the way.

“I can account for every cent of my expenses and income each month over the past 7 years.”

Another decision that might resonate with readers is taking the first step into investing. I come from a very conservative family, where my parents think of investing as gambling. Thus, there was that lingering fear of taking the plunge because of the high perceived risk. But I’m glad I did so 4 years ago, and from then on managed to advise my family to take baby steps in their investment journey as well.

What is the best decision you have made for your finances?

Can I give you two perspectives? For me, the biggest mistake with money is letting greed take over. The desire for quick gains can lead to impulsive decisions, and it’s easy to get caught up in market hype. I’ve come to value discipline and patience over time.

From my family’s perspective, they’d say I tend to over-save. I’m careful with spending—whether it’s on food, travel, or experiences—and usually save over 80% of my income. I believe in the power of compounding for the future, but I realize this approach has meant missing some of life’s experiences along the way.

“My parents are still working very long hours despite being in their 60s, and I hope to provide some relief in their retirement years.”

Source

What are you building wealth for?

I’m building wealth for my future! Of course, this future includes my dear family. My parents are still working very long hours despite being in their 60s, and I hope to provide some relief in their retirement years and spend more time on family outings and trips before anything changes in the future. 

Eventually, I hope to build enough wealth to freely pursue my dream. I’m passionate about achieving financial freedom to pursue my passion for life and filmmaking.

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Watch Moomoo Money Master here.
This interview was originally conducted by Tammi Tan of MSN.

The post “I Save Over 80% Of My Income”: This 26-Year-Old Shares How Being Frugal Now Sets Up Her Filmmaking Future appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Imagine a romance novel with all the best tropes—enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, slow-burn, and second-chance romance. Sound like a good book to you? Well, it’s actually a real-life story about a Singaporean couple. Enter Brendan, who goes under Lost & Found on Lemon8. In a now-popular post, he documents his love story with his fiancée, Ruth, and their journey from being primary 1 table buddies to an upcoming marriage.

In Singapore’s current dating landscape, full of situationships and endless scrolling on dating apps, it’s always refreshing to read about couples with love stories that go against the grain. Here’s how Brendan and Ruth went from childhood classmates to an engagement, in case you need your daily dose of hope that true love is still out there.

How it all began

It wasn’t love at first sight, though. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Brendan and Ruth were allocated seats next to each other, but their hands kept bumping into each other since the former was left-handed and the latter right-handed. This led to a lot of annoyance, so they created an invisible boundary to prevent it from happening again. If not, the offender would get poked by a pencil. 

Brendan happened to get poked most of the time, so he was glad to be in a different class from her in Primary 3. If you’re wondering why they didn’t just switch seats so their lives would be easier, they did try. 

Ruth recalls the incident “We actually made a request to our form teacher to swap seats but was immediately denied. I reckon that she probably got a good laugh out of seeing us bicker.”. The couple speculates that maybe a strong impression wouldn’t have been made if they switched seats. 

After leaving primary school, they ended up in secondary schools located next to each other.

Brendan didn’t reconnect with Ruth for another 8 years until he joined her church. Their grand reunion happened “under the stars in front of MBS with fairy lights all around”. Though it sounds romantic, it was just for a friend’s potluck outing at Marina Bay Sands. They happened to have mutual friends who were invited to that very same potluck, and Brendan was wondering if the girl with the same name as Ruth was truly the person he was thinking about. 

Source  

Lo and behold, Ruth turned out to be the fated table buddy Brendan sat next to back in primary school. Even though he remembered the trauma of constantly being poked by her pencil, they were civil to each other and decided to stay friends for the next 7 years. 

As for the moment they started seeing each other in a romantic light, it was actually during the COVID-19 pandemic. During that time, they worked on a digitalisation project for church together. Brendan admired Ruth’s dedication and passion towards mission trips to help underprivileged kids—a passion he shares with her. Ruth also mentions that there was a time when they finished a project meeting, and Brendan confessed he was running a fever. She was impressed that he still showed up despite feeling unwell. 

Throughout the project, they started talking more and the topics of their conversations got deeper. Brendan and Ruth took things slow, preferring insightful conversations instead of letting surface emotions drive their relationship. They finally went on a date 6 months later, and only began formally dating a year after the project wrapped up. 

From table buddies to a wedding

This year, they are entering a new chapter in their lives: marriage. The couple is currently planning their wedding. 

The unexpected trajectory of their relationship and how it has grown over time reads like a fairytale, but the reality is far from it. In his post, Brendan shares that overcoming challenges as a couple requires determined effort and growth from both parties.

Both of them believe that communication and compromise as the two fundamental pillars of their relationship.

According to them, “Trust is extremely important in relationships. One of the first things we did well was to learn how to reconcile well”. The couple believes in taking the time to work out any problems that arise, even if they are exhausted that day. Whenever one of them is going through a tough time, the other would take the time to listen and understand why they feel that way. 

Source 

As a whole, they acknowledge that they aren’t perfect as individuals. Therefore, they make sure to compromise on any issues they may be having together, even if it means needing to take some  time alone to cool down before solving the issue together. 

Primary school table buddies to lovers 

This romance story that’s straight out of the books is truly one to admire. If you’re looking for your soulmate, the couple advises you to “focus on the alignment of values, and have deep and real conversations”. They said that finding the alignment in their values helped them understand each other deeper from the start, which ultimately allowed them to match their goals, dreams, and how they will get there. 

If you’re losing hope, we hope that Brendan and Ruth’s story reminds you that it’s possible to find your true love! 

All images courtesy of Lost and Found on Lemon8.

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The post How I Ended Up Marrying My Primary School Table Buddy Over 20 Years Later appeared first on ZULA.sg.

The drag scene has been on something of a renaissance in recent years. Bars, nightclubs, and even cinemas like The Projector have been putting on drag shows, with a host of new drag queens emerging from this febrile climate. 

But long before this new wave, long before Singapore’s first drag cabaret nightclub, Boom Boom Room, opened in 1991, Chinese men were already dressing as women for a drag tradition that’s over 1,500 years old: Chinese opera.

When Chinese opera was introduced to Singapore by 19th-century immigrants, it brought along nandan (男旦), the practice of male performers playing female roles. Nandan is, to a large extent, something of a precursor to Singapore’s modern drag scene.

But while drag’s popularity is ever rising, nandan—indeed Chinese opera as a whole—is on the wane. In this article, we spotlight 2 individuals who are preserving this oft-neglected art form and take a closer look at how they’re helping to keep this historic expression of drag alive.

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The retiree fulfilling Chinese opera childhood dreams

With the effeminate grace that Xu Qian He, 72, is able to evoke in his performances, you’d think the man had been a nandan actor for decades. As it turns out, Qian He only got involved with Chinese opera relatively recently.

“It had always been a childhood dream of mine to perform Chinese opera. So when I retired, I seized the opportunity.”

“It had always been a childhood dream of mine to perform Chinese opera,” Qian He explained. “So when I retired, I seized the opportunity.”

Qian He joined the Nam Hwa Opera company 8 years ago expecting to play male roles. A shortage of male actors in the company, however, meant that he was called upon to play certain female characters. His most recent portrayal of a female character is that of an extravagantly dressed old lady who serves as comic relief. 

His initial apprehension towards the role is a product of his childhood, wherein nandan used to face intense scrutiny and criticism.

Growing up, Qian He observed that Chinese opera actors were often referred to as xi zi (戏子), a derogatory term originating from the art form’s associations with eroticism and candid performances. Historically, Chinese opera was sometimes linked to sex work or contained numerous euphemisms, which shaped its controversial reputation.

“As much as people enjoyed watching Chinese opera, they didn’t want their children to be labelled as xi zi.”

He recalled how even his own parents, though fond of the performances as a form of entertainment, did not wish for their children to become opera actors. “As much as people enjoyed watching Chinese opera, they didn’t want their children to be labelled as xi zi,” Qian He explains.

“At first [with the nandan role], I was a little taken aback. But I was willing to challenge myself.”

In order to become a nandan actor, Qian He had to focus on 2 aspects of his performance: his voice and his movements. 

“I tried to imitate other actors who played the same roles.” Qian He reflected. “I studied their mannerisms and the ways they would sing.” 

“However, I must admit that it takes talent and gift to be able to portray female characters. The instructors would not pick someone with a particularly deep voice to play a female character.” 

To Qian He, it is crucial that he treats his nandan roles as a performance first and foremost. Like drag, there is a clear separation between the character he portrays on stage and his personal identity off it. This distinction allows him to fully embrace the theatrical aspects of his roles, focusing on embodying the character’s essence rather than blurring it with his own traits.

Qian He went on to play female characters a few more times, though he also has plenty of male roles under his belt. 

“I treasure every opportunity given to me to perform on stage. It matters not to me whether the characters I play are male or female.”

“The openness for cross-gendered performances shows that [Chinese opera] is neither rigid nor resistant to change.”

Qian He’s dedication to Chinese opera reflects a deep desire to preserve the tradition for future generations. But he also emphasised the importance of adaptation in ensuring the art form’s survival. 

“Chinese opera must be preserved, but it should also evolve with the times. The openness for cross-gendered performances shows that the art form is neither rigid nor resistant to change.”

That evolution now rests in the hands of younger performers, like the one we’re about to introduce.

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The millennial performer who fully embraces nandan

Ren Wei Chen is the Chief Qingyi actor at the Ping Sheh Beijing Opera Association and has won numerous plaudits for his performances. He also teaches nandan at the Peking Opera Society, making him practically an expert on the subject.

Wei Chen recalled his experiences in performing for his primary school’s Chinese opera troupe. Initially, he was not cast for many roles as the instructors found him too skinny and most of the outfits did not fit him. Although they attempted to cast him in “xiaosheng” roles, or young, dignified male characters, they noticed that his movements seemed too feminine. 

 “A female classmate was made to play [an] imperial concubine but she wasn’t doing so well. So I told the instructor: ‘I can do better.’ And I did.”

Undeterred, Wei Chen began practising female roles on his own. “Once I was rehearsing The Drunken Concubine in coincidence with the school’s troupe,” shared Wei Chen. “A female classmate was made to play imperial concubine Yang but she wasn’t doing so well. So I told the instructor: ‘I can do better.’ And I did.”

To Wei Chen, his effeminate nature made learning the movements for nandan almost intuitive. Learning how to do the correct voices, however, was a little more complex. 

“I first picked up Chinese opera at the age of 12, but was only fit for performance at 18,” Wei Chen said. “In those 6 years, I have had rigorous vocal training to identify the most comfortable methods of singing for myself.”

Wei Chen then demonstrated the vocal techniques he was well-versed in, each belonging to a different “school” of Peking opera. He portrayed the Mei school with a more melodious and refined timbre, while the Cheng school had a lighter, almost ghostly quality. Though it was a fleeting demonstration, Wei Chen’s voice rang with such clarity and depth—an intimate opera performance before our eyes.

Following this, he recalls some advice his instructor gave. “I remember my instructor emphasising that our necks should be able to move freely when we sing. That’s when you know you’re doing it right.” 

As we watched Wei Chen prepare for an upcoming performance that evening, it became apparent that his instructor’s advice was felicitous. In his portrayal of the character, Wei Chen is required to tilt his head, spin, dance, and sing at different points. It all seemed incredibly demanding, yet Wei Chen appeared strikingly relaxed, his fluid neck serving as the axis for each graceful pose.

These techniques, honed through years of training, are what make Wei Chen such a lauded actor. Through his teaching, they will also serve as the template for new actors to follow. After all, the craft will have to be imparted to the next generation to ensure its long-term survival.

The challenge, however, lies in ensuring there are enough new actors to begin with.

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Farewell My Nandan?

The reality is that nandan is rapidly disappearing here in Singapore. Part of this decline can be attributed to the fact that, as women began to be accepted in Chinese opera, they naturally took on female roles. But to Qian He, this decline has less to do with female empowerment and more to do with prosaic reasons: namely the fact that there are so few men in Chinese opera these days.

“The number of women far outnumber men in today’s opera troupes,” Qian He noted. “Because of that, the situation is reversed. Now many women are playing male roles.”

“The number of women far outnumber men in today’s opera troupes. Because of that, the situation is reversed. Now many women are playing male roles.”

But the reality is that it’s not just the men who are disappearing from Chinese opera. The art form itself is in decline, as younger generations show less interest in taking up the craft.

“Chinese opera is fading away in Singapore as the younger generation tends to regard it as a craft that only the older generation can appreciate.” lamented Wei Chen. 

If Chinese opera hopes to capture the interest of younger generations, it may need to evolve, whether through rebranding, rejuvenating, or putting a fresh twist on its traditions. And that’s what makes a figure like Opera Tang so interesting—the drag queen’s use of Chinese opera aesthetics has brought the art form to a whole new generation, one that may otherwise never have been exposed to what their parents knew as wayang. 

And while it’s unlikely that this aesthetic influence will go in the opposite direction, there’s one thing that Chinese opera can learn from the drag scene: accessibility. To Wei Chen, Chinese opera needs to be as visible as modern-day drag if it wants to persist. He also shares that currently, there’s an elitism amongst seasoned opera performers that further hinders the art form’s accessibility. 

“Actors today are hesitant to perform in less formal, more accessible venues, leading to less public exposure for Chinese opera,” said Wei Chen. “Performing in ‘informal’ settings, such as event nights or even restaurants, can bring Chinese opera to a whole new audience.”

Most drag shows take place at nightclub venues, which aren’t highbrow, but that doesn’t dilute drag’s appeal as both an art form and entertainment. Perhaps it’s time for Chinese opera performers to do the same—to find ways new ways to be seen, to reinvent, and allow broader access to the art form.

Perhaps the art form—with all its progressive potential—needs to return to its popular roots, where it was once performed on the streets for the people, or go the way of its dying audience. 

If you’re keen on checking out some Chinese opera performances, you can check Nam Hwa Opera and Ping Sheh Beijing Opera Association’s social media pages for more information!

This article is written by Enze Kay and Joan Wu.

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The post How Chinese Opera Performers Are Preserving A Historic Form Of Drag appeared first on ZULA.sg.

On my 20th birthday, I promised myself that I was going to try to step out of my comfort zone more. And yet, one of my biggest fears is doing things alone. Couple that with being an introvert, and it’s safe to say that stepping out of my comfort zone and into a dating party is not my idea of a great time. However, when the opportunity came up to attend Until 11.11, the viral numerology dating party in Singapore, I decided to follow through with my promise and seize the opportunity. 

The Until 11.11 dating parties were going viral on TikTok and Instagram because of how it includes numerology in the matchmaking process, and for being so exclusive that previously only a few people could get in. This time, the event was open to the public, which made access easier.

Dating parties have been on the rise in Singapore this year as many Gen Z and millennials are seeking more in-person avenues to meet their next partner, rather than swiping on a screen. Most of the dating parties we see today use AI or personality quizzes to match up their attendees, but Until 11.11 sets itself apart by returning to the ancient art of numerology to help you find your match. 

Source 

I spoke to the founder, Ching, 22, who told me that she started these parties because she wanted to create opportunities for people who had the potential to maintain long-term relationships to find one another. 

Her interest in numerology started when her polytechnic lecturer, who also happened to be a retired numerology master, taught her how to calculate numerology for people. Once she learned the skill,she explained that numerology helped her leave a less-than-ideal relationship, and to better understand her romantic priorities. She wanted to offer numerology as a tool to help other people, so she started Until 11.11.  

What happened during the party

The party was held at an event space in Ang Mo Kio. Once I registered by getting my name tag and giving them my birthday and astrology sign, I was free to get a drink and mingle until the party formally started. 

Ching and I talked for a bit about ourselves and what to expect during the parties—some icebreakers, opportunities to mingle around and get your numerology read. 

Ching was a very amiable host. She could tell that I was more introverted, so she helped introduce me to some of the other attendees, who happened to be returning attendees. When I asked some of them why they wanted to return, they said they simply thought the event was fun. This made me less anxious. Instead, I looked forward to the activities in store for us. 

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A post shared by Until 11:11 | numerology social mixer (@until.1111)

The queue to get your numerology read was also open, so I decided to snag a queue number before more people arrived. Contrary to my impression of the dating party, getting your numerology read was an optional activity rather than something used to matchmake participants. Still, I was game to see what insights numerology could offer about my love life. 

Numerology is the study of numbers done with the belief that they have special importance in people’s lives. At Until 11.11, your reading is calculated using your Chinese birthday. During your 5-minute reading, the expert will tell you what your dating prospects are like. With this knowledge, you can decide for yourself whether you will meet your person at a party like this. 

I’m not fully Chinese, nor do I understand the language, so this was slightly confusing for me because I did not know how to read the Chinese calendar. Nevertheless, the expert helped me discern the right date. Personally, using my Chinese birthday didn’t affect the clarity of the reading and my learnings.

An hour into the party, more people started to arrive and things got livelier. The event organisers gave a quick introduction about the party and the activities they had lined up for us, starting with some icebreakers. 

For the first icebreaker, we were given a list of horoscope signs and were tasked to find strangers whose horoscope signs matched the ones on the list. This reminded me of CCA general meetings where we would play human bingo to try to get to know as many people as possible. Next, we played “This or That”, where the organisers asked questions such as “Indoors or Outdoors” before levelling up to deeper questions such as “Would you be okay if your partner earned less than you?”.

After playing the games, we were separated into groups based on our horoscope’s element signs—air, water, earth or fire to play more icebreakers.

Once we completed those icebreakers, we gathered into smaller groups for the next activity. We were given a stack of cards with a relationship question on one side, and a political one on the other. We answered 3 rounds of questions before the organisers just shuffled us around. 

Though most people seemed to be into the icebreakers, the majority of the attendees still preferred to mingle around on their own. For me, the icebreakers were reminiscent of orientation camp, which weirdly was nice to experience—a throwback, of sorts.  

After this activity, we were free to do anything we wanted. Some people engaged in deeper conversations, some got their readings done, and some got more drinks. There was also a futsal table in the event space so I played a few very intense rounds of futsal with other attendees, and I surprisingly won a few rounds!   

At 11:10, they started to make us gather so that we could collectively make a wish at 11:11. In numerology, 11:11 is seen as a significant time for an event to occur, most commonly known as an “angel number”. 

Angel numbers are repetitive number sequences believed to be messages from the spiritual realm to confirm that you’re on the right path or to shed some light on a difficult situation. Whether you believe in this or not, you have to admit that it’s pretty satisfying to see a pattern of repetitive numbers. 

Though I don’t subscribe to angel numbers, it was pretty magical for everyone to collectively make a wish at 11:11. 

What I learnt about numerology and astrology 

Before attending the party, I confess that I was a complete sceptic about numerology. Though I’m still not completely sold, I learnt a lot during the experience. 

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For example, I realised that numerology was derived from the concept of astrology and that Ching considered it to be a science. While there are a lot of arguments about whether astrology and numerology are legitimate sciences, I have to admit that the reading that I got at the party made sense when considering the trajectory of my life so far. 

The numerology master, Rick, has 15 years of experience so it’s safe to say that he knows what he’s doing. During my reading, he told me that I was very emotional and needed to slow down so I don’t push myself too hard, which I completely agreed with as someone who loves being busy. My dating prospects, however, were a punch to the gut.  He told me that it would be quite difficult for me to find The One because I wasn’t very lucky in life and that my romantic prospects might not always have the best intentions. 

It wasn’t all bad though, because he mentioned that I’m a very creative person and I’m definitely in the correct industry, which made me happy to hear. Overall, the reading was quite fascinating for me as I learnt a lot about myself and my life, even if I’m choosing to take some of the information with a pinch of salt. 

What to expect at an Until 11.11 dating party

If you’re looking to attend a similar event in the future, here are some things to consider. Firstly, manage your expectations. The chances of you meeting the love of your life at these parties are pretty low. While it is a great way to meet people organically, you are more likely to find friends rather than a significant other. 

Secondly, if you’re afraid of going to an event like this alone, don’t be. You’ll be able to make some new friends and meet people who are willing to “adopt” you for the night so that you have a group to hang out with. The attendees are extremely friendly and outgoing, especially once the icebreakers start.

Lastly, if you don’t believe in astrology and numerology, the event could still be fun for you. Getting your numerology read is an optional activity so if that’s not something you’re into, you can just use it as a fun opportunity to meet new people and have meaningful conversations with them. 

What I experienced at the viral numerology dating party in Singapore

If I only had one piece of advice for people on the fence about attending the Until 11.11 numerology dating party in Singapore, I would say to just go for it. It’s a fun way to meet new people you’d otherwise not cross paths with, akin to orientation camps. Plus, you get a numerology reading as part of the package, so who knows? Maybe you could learn something new about yourself. 

Cover Image: Canva 

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The post I Went To The TikTok Viral Numerology Dating Party—Was The Experience Legit? appeared first on ZULA.sg.

No one can ever escape the “Not dating anyone yet ah?” questions that our kaypoh aunties and uncles bombard us with during family gatherings. However, many people, myself included, are choosing to be single in today’s dating landscape. Rather than following the traditional path of settling down with a partner, a growing number of Singaporeans are prioritising our freedom and independence above all else.

Source 

As someone who is content with being single, I don’t feel the need to bring a partner into my life if it means changing something that is already going well. Plus, dating nowadays is just too complicated. Many people are too preoccupied with aimlessly swiping through dating apps, and connections feel more superficial and sexual, than genuine. 

Below, I spoke to 7 like-minded Singaporeans who have also chosen to stay single amidst today’s chaotic dating landscape. They’ve shared the reasons behind their decision, and have also included some pro tips for navigating the modern dating scene.

If you’re undergoing dating app fatigue, or want to find empowerment in singledom, let these Singaporeans offer some insight.

“The dating world is messed up, very few people want commitment” 

Image courtesy of Jovan

“I’ve been ghosted multiple times, which is unclassy. Sure, things may not always work out, but I believe in the old-fashioned approach of ending things amicably. 

However, we live in an era of dating apps where people have too many choices, and this abundance has become a hindrance when it comes to finding a partner. People flirt and ghost, citing commitment issues as the reason they can’t commit. They don’t put in effort in real life to connect with others and then complain that they can’t find anyone that fits their values and beliefs. 

Being single means I can focus on my degree and devote my energy to ensuring that my health is in good shape. It has also allowed me to pursue my interests without having to worry about making time for a partner. 

We are all social creatures that crave intimacy, love and affection. You might ask yourself, “Will I be fated to be alone for the rest of my life?”. Nevertheless, use this time to develop yourself—be it your health, personality, or anything else—and strive to be the person you would want to date.” 

– Jovan, 23

“Having a relationship with the same gender was taboo, hence I was not desperate to seek one” 

Source

“When I was younger, I had crushes on girls but I was interested in boys too. As I grew older, I realised that I liked boys, but having a relationship with someone of the same gender was taboo. Hence, I didn’t bother with relationships and wasn’t desperate to seek one. 

Even within the gay community, dating apps feel pretty redundant because many use them just for flings. Most of my friends got into relationships through mutual introductions, but because the gay community is so small in Singapore, your friend’s partner might be someone you know—or perhaps someone you’ve hooked up with. So, there’s that. 

Now that Singapore is becoming slightly more open to these relationships, I do see more guys openly dating and taking relationships seriously. However, I won’t deny that cheating is very common, alongside polyamorous relationships.

Despite all that, the biggest reason why I am staying single would be because of my family. Being gay in a conservative household is a big no-no and bringing a boy home might leave me permanently homeless. I also put my mom’s happiness before mine and I know that she will not be glad if she sees me with another man. 

Growing up with many insecurities has also played a part in my decision. As much as I want to fall in love with someone, I’m afraid that they’ll eventually fall out of love with me. I also fear that I wouldn’t know how to keep a relationship going. 

Although it’s fun to have a partner in crime to do things with, having more “me” time and going out alone is pretty peaceful as well. Plus, I don’t have to share my desserts!” 

– Rafe, 27

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“The modern dating scene is too complicated and I’m better off saving that energy for myself”

Source 

“There are so many different terms in the modern dating scene, and it’s no longer as simple as “I like you, let’s be together” or “I don’t like you, we can’t be together”. Nowadays, there are so many grey areas, aka situationships, that make relationships more complicated. 

People want all the positive aspects of a relationship without having to deal with the negatives that come with one. I was in a situationship that I thought was going pretty well. However, I was hit with an “I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship”, just when I thought it was time for us to take the next step. 

What was all that dating for if there was no intention of actual commitment in the first place? 

After a few more talking stages, I grew tired of investing my energy in uncertainty because it has proven time and time again that no matter how great you think a certain relationship is, there’s still a chance of it failing. 

I’ve come to like being single because instead of investing time in others and worrying about whether relationships will turn out the way you want, you get to spend more time and energy on yourself. I cannot deny that I miss the intimacy of being in a relationship with someone you love, but so far, I have been feeling so at peace and content with where I’m at in life. 

– Kassy, 28 

“I am afraid of failed relationships”

Source 

“I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because he had cheated on me multiple times. He was also manipulative and was not ready to commit to a long-term relationship. 

After the breakup, I downloaded various dating apps and explored connections with some of my guy friends. However, I went on to reject several potential partners, not because I could not move on from my previous relationship, but because I didn’t think we were compatible enough. I noticed that many of them weren’t ready for mature and committed relationships, and often preferred casual ones, which wasn’t what I was looking for.

As I’ve been cheated on previously, I continue to be cautious when it comes to meeting people. Even if they claim that they’re ready for commitment, I still have this lingering fear that they won’t be as faithful as I would be in the relationship. 

Being single initially was tough for me. I found myself missing the attention that I had when I had a partner and there wasn’t anyone to look to for comfort, especially since I was the only child. However, to steer away from disappointment and keep me sane, I decided to explore the peaceful single life.” 

– Anon, 23 

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“Not enough money to survive, how to date?” 

Image courtesy of Charmian

“Having been in 3 previous long-distance relationships, I found them quite difficult to maintain over time. Relationships like these require a lot of trust. If I didn’t contact them first, they wouldn’t contact me. 

Money-wise, I wanted to be able to save, provide for my family, and still have money to spend on myself. If I had any extra disposable income, I could then use it on my partner. However, I often felt drained, as I barely had enough money to get by and still felt pressure to support and provide for my partner. 

Being single has been good for me. I’ve made more friends and now have more time to spend on myself. I also save a lot more since I no longer have to spend unnecessarily on someone else.

To those struggling with being single, don’t rush into a relationship. Instead, take the time to treat yourself well so that, if you find a partner in the future, they can live up to how you treat yourself.”

– Charmian, 24

“Being single is the default setting” 

Image courtesy of Isabel

“Sometimes I forget that I’m “supposed to” get attached, marry, and settle down according to the societal timeline. It was only over the last 2 years that I noticed that the vast majority of the people my age at least have a partner, and admittedly, it made me slightly more conscious of the fact that I was single. 

However, to me, being single is a default setting, as we are not all born already attached to someone. Plus, as someone who has never been in a relationship before, I don’t have any experience to compare singlehood to, so I don’t really know what I’m missing out on. 

I find it pretty difficult to plan ahead, but of course, there’s the age-old worry about what will happen when I get older. Ultimately, I hold onto the belief that what’s meant for you will always find you. However, I still secretly hope to fulfil my dream of simply living with housemates who will make every day feel like a wild sleepover!

Maybe this season is about learning to form connections, not attachments. I find myself falling a little in love with my friends and connecting with them on a deeper level. I don’t think of myself as an emotional person, but I’m not ashamed to say that when I find a good friend, I love them intensely and want to know everything about them. 

If I have the privilege of experiencing romance, I’ll welcome it with open arms, but till then, or if not, I’m satisfied building a life I love with people whom I call my chosen family.” 

– Isabel, 25 

“If I feel happier being alone than with someone else, I’d rather stay single”

Source 

“When you’re with someone, the relationship should make you feel happier than when you’re single, no? Otherwise, what is the point of having a partner? 

I think it all boils down to whether having a partner is essential for your happiness. For me, it definitely is not. I used to be very insistent on wanting kids, so I felt the need to find a partner quickly. Ironically, as I grew older, I didn’t feel as much pressure to follow the traditional path of dating, getting married, and having kids anymore. 

I can’t lie—the pressure still gets to me sometimes, especially when I see my peers getting attached left, right, and centre. However, when I see how couples around me argue over the smallest things, I find myself reaffirming my decision to stay single.

Yes, it feels nice to be able to depend on someone when things get tough, but in my opinion, if I feel happier alone than with someone else, I’d rather stay single. Why settle for less? I’ve also come to appreciate the freedom of being single because I don’t have to account for someone else’s thoughts and feelings when making decisions that concern me.” 

– Anon, 23 

These Singaporeans share why they are choosing to stay single

In a world where dating has become increasingly complicated, more and more people are choosing to embrace the single life, free from all the drama and expectations that often come with it. It’s clear that more are shifting away from societal norms when it comes to dating, and focusing on independence and personal growth. 

While adjusting to life without a partner may take time, you may eventually come to realise that being single isn’t that bad after all. 

Also, remember you won’t have to share your desserts!

Also read:

70% Of Women In SG Are Afraid Of Meeting Men Who Are Only Looking For Casual Relationships

Cover image: Source, Source 

The post Single But Not Ready To Mingle: 7 Singaporeans Share Why They Don’t Want To Be In A Relationship appeared first on ZULA.sg.

While your wedding is right up there with one of the best days of your life, let’s be serious: they can cost a pretty penny. This is especially true if you’re also planning your wedding alongside buying a house or renovating your BTO, which involves paying off various fees and loans. Not everyone has the means to stomach the costs of both a wedding and a new home, while still having enough set aside for a rainy day.

Many couples in a similar situation find themselves weighing their financial priorities. For one couple, who go by Frog & Duck on Lemon8, the priority was clear: they’d have a small, intimate solemnisation ceremony in place of a big conventional wedding. They ultimately spent just $600 for a home solemnisation and shared how they managed to celebrate their union on a budget.

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According to their Lemon8 post, Frog & Duck purchased a resale flat and spent “a lot” on their renovation and flat. They mention being grateful that their families were both very supportive of a smaller-scale solemnisation, and were happy to just “turn up, do the witnessing, and have a good meal”.

Also read:

Why I Never Wanted A Big Hotel Wedding But I Did It Anyway

How they budgeted for their solemnisation

Frog & Duck then break down the areas they spent on, and the areas they saved on.

Their biggest spend was $300+, treating their family of 10 to a nice meal at a Chinese restaurant at a nearby mall. The couple shared that they considered catering, but ultimately decided against it because they didn’t want to deal with the clean-up after.

Following that, they paid $42 for a marriage license, $10 for simple decorations from Shopee, and $88 on an ang pow for the solemniser. They also reused some decor from Chinese New Year, since they got married very shortly after the festive season.

They also splurged a little on items that were “not compulsory”. This included a $48 money bouquet, which they now use as a home decor item, a $50 donation to the solemniser’s charity of choice, and $10 on drinks and snacks for their guests, which they bought from a nearby Sheng Siong.

What they saved on

Frog & Duck did away with a lot of the bells and whistles expected of a wedding ceremony. They decided not to splurge on backdrops and decorations, saying they were too tired after renovations to be dealing with more fuss. 

“Besides, we had a newly renovated home, and that was the most beautiful thing for us,” they joked.

The couple wore clothes they already had and didn’t bother with fancy footwear since they were barefoot at home anyway. The bride did her own hair and makeup because she didn’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on a look for a short ceremony.

Capturing your special day over photo and video is important for many couples, and this was a priority for the couple too. Luckily, they managed to get this for free, as they had friends visiting Singapore. In exchange for free accommodation, said friend was their photographer for the ceremony.

In the spirit of keeping things pared back, they also printed their wedding certificate at home and signed their license with a simple $1 pen. No fountain pen or fancy stationery required.

How this Singaporean couple planned a budget wedding

Frog & Duck showed how a meaningful and intimate solemnisation ceremony doesn’t have to come with an extravagant price tag. At the end of the day, they zoned in on their essentials: sharing the moment with loved ones without straining their finances.

Also read:

13 Wedding Venues In Singapore For 100 Pax Or Less, For A Unique & Intimate Celebration

All images courtesy of Frog & Duck.

The post How We Planned A $600 Budget Solemnisation To Save Money After Buying A Flat appeared first on ZULA.sg.

Amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life, van life has emerged as an appealing lifestyle for those seeking an escape from the grind. Yet, the concept of van life remains unconventional, especially in fast-paced, career-focused Singapore. 

For Singaporean couple Dom Chiam and Lim Hui Jing, embracing van life meant trading their full-time engineering jobs for the open road. Attracted to minimalist living and being on the road as a means to see the world, the couple decided to pursue van life in 2022. Their journey began when they first acquired their van, which they then had to refurbish from scratch. 

If you’ve ever been curious about van life, or want to live vicariously through Dom and Hui Jing’s travels as you’re stuck in the 9 to 6 grind, this story is for you.

Read on to find out how the couple achieved this lifestyle, and their adventures along the way.  

Minimalism and pursuing van life 

Despite living in Singapore, Dom has always been fascinated by minimalism. “We have a lot of wants and are always trying to pursue more and more,” he reflected, realising that Singaporeans don’t really need all that excess to survive. 

“[Singaporeans] have a lot of wants and are always trying to pursue more and more.”

At the time, he was also navigating a separation, which led to challenges with his housing situation, all while dealing with the hectic pace of his full-time job.

To cope, Dom, like many others, found himself attracted to the flood of tiny home and van conversion content on social media. This newfound inspiration led him to explore the van lifestyle more deeply. Soon enough, he was actively searching for vans in Malaysia.

This was also when Dom and Hui Jing met, and Dom introduced the idea of minimalist living and van life to her. 

“It was like a series of unfortunate events aligning,” he said. 

Starting out clueless

It took Dom and Hui Jing 3 months to find the right van. The process was far from easy. 

Due to the high costs of owning a vehicle in Singapore, the couple decided to get a van in Malaysia instead. They ultimately decided on a Mercedes Vito, even though they were unsure if it would be suitable to be converted into a campervan. 

“Neither of us had any knowledge of vehicles or anything; we just decided that this was the one”, Hui Jing recounted. This also meant that they had to do extensive research to turn their dream into reality.

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A post shared by Dom & HuiJing 🇸🇬 | CAMPER VAN LIFE (@bokchoytravels)

“It felt like the process was never-ending. Where was the end goal?”

At the start of the van conversion process, both Dom and Hui Jing still held their day jobs. That meant they could only work on the van when crossing the border each week. They were working off a car park or the backyard of someone’s house, which was not ideal. Eventually, Dom left his full-time job to work on the van. 

They had a clear vision of what they wanted their campervan to look like, but the woodwork proved too challenging, leading them to abandon their initial plans. Compounding their frustration was the inability to complete the van conversion even after delaying their journey multiple times, due to logistical issues around costs and their expectations of the van’s appearance

“It felt like the process was never-ending. Where was the end goal?” Dom questioned.

Also read:

How This 30-Year-Old Chose Happiness By Leaving Her Desk Job To Become A Food Delivery Rider

Taking an unconventional path

There is a societal expectation that Singaporean adults, especially in their 20s and 30s, should have stable jobs with reliable incomes. However, 27-year-old Hui Jing and 38-year-old Dom chose to set themselves apart from this norm. The couple left their full-time engineering jobs behind to embrace an off-the-grid life in a van.

“The idea of having to give up a job and fully committing to this was quite stressful,” Hui Jing admitted. Some of her key concerns include financial stability, and how van life was something that neither her nor Dom had any experience with, but chose to commit to anyway. 

Fortunately, their family and friends were mostly supportive of their decision. 

Dom’s friends were eager to stay updated on their progress and trips. However, his family members had a more conservative mindset about this, likely due to the generational gap. So even though they supported his decision, they still expressed their concerns and doubts. 

On the other hand, Hui Jing chose not to share her van life plans with her family and friends initially. Considering the social stigma surrounding such a lifestyle, she confessed, “I didn’t want to deal with what people were going to say about it”. Instead, she left her job one day to join Dom, who had already started the journey earlier.

“But in the end, they were supportive because I came back home alive,” Hui Jing joked. She also recently embarked on a road trip around Malaysia with her mother to expose her to van life. 

Also read:

I Left My Banking Job After 7 Years To Be A Freelancer And Now I Earn More Than Before

On the road after 6 months

Dom and Hui Jing’s van life travels were filled with many ups and downs. 

From their van breaking down just 2 weeks into their first trip around Thailand, to battling mosquitos and monkeys at campsites, their experience is a stark contrast to the picturesque posts about van life typically found online. 

Dom recalled the numerous times they got lost in the rural parts of Thailand without any network coverage: “We thought to ourselves, was putting ourselves at such risks really worth it?”

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A post shared by Dom & HuiJing 🇸🇬 | CAMPER VAN LIFE (@bokchoytravels)

On the bright side, they visited numerous places in different countries, from Malaysia to Cambodia and Thailand, some of which they hope to revisit in the future. 

As Dom and Hui Jing embarked on their van life, they started documenting their journey on several social media platforms like Instagram and YouTube. This led them to meet other like-minded Singaporean van and bike lifers like 2travellingaunties, Sabbatical Living, All Terrain Over Landers, and theproperpaupers, and they are grateful for these connections. 

“We thought to ourselves, was putting ourselves at such risks really worth it?”

Despite having no prior experience with campervan living, they did not have much difficulty adapting to their new space. Their van includes a bed, a full kitchen, a fridge, and even a computer table—all in the back.

“We kinda like the little cramped space that we have. In fact, it helped us a bit with our relationship”, Dom shared.

“We kinda like the little cramped space that we have. In fact, it helped us a bit with our relationship.”

Travelling on the road while living in a van requires good chemistry for things to go smoothly. So, despite having arguments on occasion, Dom and Hui Jing revealed that they can reconcile quickly. 

“I think we are a bit more forgiving to each other because we have to be together and work together on almost everything”, they revealed.  

“We need so little to survive, but we keep wanting more”

During their various trips, Dom and Hui Jing encountered many people from diverse backgrounds and cultures. One particular experience, however, holds a special place in their hearts.

On one of their trips to Thailand, their van broke down, leading them to mechanics Joe and Bin. Joe and Bin took exceptional care of them during that time, providing them with a place to stay at their workshop, 3 meals a day, and even a place for them to shower. 

“They are not well to do but they have the heart to give so much. Why would you want to provide meals, a place to stay, and a shower to someone who is dropping by to fix their lousy 16-year-old campervan?”, Dom recalls. 

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A post shared by Dom & HuiJing 🇸🇬 | CAMPER VAN LIFE (@bokchoytravels)

Joe and Bin also invited the couple on family fishing and mushroom-hunting trips. These experiences were eye-opening for Dom and Hui Jing, as they learned how simple and fulfilling life can be.

“In our society where it is so busy, this is something that is very eye-opening and very wild to me”, Hui Jing mentioned. 

Dom and Hui Jing were exposed to different cultures and lifestyles on their trips there, and they now regard Joe, Bin, and their families as their own kin as well. 

“Of course [van life] is nice but we have to be realistic also.”

While living in a van and travelling to different parts of the world may seem like a great escape from the stress of work, a lot of effort is required to make sure that everything goes smoothly. 

TL;DR: It’s not cheap. Dom and Hui Jing set aside a combined budget of about $20,000 just for purchasing and converting the van. However, when factoring in maintenance and fuel costs, expenses can quickly add up.

“I think the difficult part was planning the budget and working within it”, Dom shared. 

“As much as it sounds like a very nice thing to do, of course, it’s nice but we have to be realistic also.”

For those who are kaypoh like us, Dom and Hui Jing shared that, aside from the initial costs of starting their van life, their monthly expenses are relatively low, especially since they have their own place to stay while travelling.

Their monthly expenses total around $1,600, with a significant portion going toward fuel. They also noted that they aren’t people who usually splurge on non-essential items, which contributes to their lower expenses. They have also taken on some freelance and part-time design jobs in the renewable energy industry to help alleviate some financial strain. 

“As much as it sounds like a very nice thing to do, of course, it’s nice but we have to be realistic also”, Hui Jing admitted. 

Currently, Dom and Hui Jing are planning their finances to see how they can support their van life in the long run. They are also looking to build and upgrade their van soon, and we heard they’re trying to incorporate a shower space.

“We don’t know if we will exactly do it for life, but if we have the ability to, we hope to do this for as long as we can”, Hui Jing expressed. 

Also read:

Travelling Overseas & Therapy Helped This Singaporean Heal From Her Divorce & Find Herself

Choosing van life over the Singaporean grind

Dom and Hui Jing encourage those looking to venture out of their comfort zones and explore unconventional paths to take that crucial first step.

“There’s no single right way to live your life, and it’s perfectly fine to pursue what you want,” Hui Jing reassured. She also reminded us to be realistic and act within our means.

Dom also added, “Not all advice holds the same value, and taking guidance from the wrong people can hold you back significantly.”

“Not all advice holds the same value, and taking guidance from the wrong people can hold you back significantly.”

If you are ever looking to explore van life and convert your own van, Dom and Hui Jing mentioned that you can hit them up anytime and they will be happy to share their experience. 

For those that want to follow Dom and Hui Jing on their van life journey, you can check out their Instagram and YouTube pages to stay updated on their travels! 

Also read:

How I Make Friends While Travelling Solo

All images courtesy of BokChoyTravels (@bokchoytravels) 

The post These Singaporean Engineers Left Their Full-Time Jobs To Live In A Van & Travel The World appeared first on ZULA.sg.